Ms. Dulcie Sey: "It’s all bout May Penn!"

Ow are mi wanderful fans doin dese days? As, uno hall mussey knoe by now, sey dem a try fi bun dung Jamaica ova wan custed Drug Czar. Me sey, from Tivili Gaardens hall de way back a Roquefort dema bun dung de Police Station dem.

Jamaica Defense Force a run hup an dung de street fi fine dis ya bwoy wey dem cyall Doondoos, Hall dem a do a chase dem hown shadow. De bwoy gawn bout im bizness lang time.

Me jus ope sey im leave likkle Jamaica hall inna wan piece. Mek dem tek de Wild West sumplace helse…….

Yes mi dere fans, Jamaica is in wan hall an pull hup candition. We need hall de good wishes dat we cyan stand.

Den yu wan ere foolishness, de radio Station wan Ms. Dulcie fi go ge wan hexclusive report pon de hevents. Me juss tell dem sey, me juss have wan granbebe, an me well wan fi see mi granpickney grow hup.

Cyan yu himagine, wid fi me lumbago a run from wan Drug Lawd? Hif me hask him de rong question, hongly Jesus Christ would a be hable fi elp mi. Me juss tell dem fi sen Gadzillah….Hif dem cyan fine im.

Lately, fi mi Driva iz hallways pon stan by hincase mi haffi dash. Me iz not no matrix, so me jus tell fi mi Driva fi keep de hengin a run so me cyan hescape to de mountain top right away.

So, wid hall dis ya roonkus-poonkus gweyin on Ms. Dulcie risk life an limb fi calleck ar letta dem, ’cause de custed mail peple fraid fi hup an dung de street wid all de caramba gweyin hon. Dats ow loyal Miss Dulcie iz to ar fans!

Uno lissen to me good, dem ya letta is hextra special dese days. 

Dear Ms. Dulcie:
I am writin to you bout dis young gal name May Penn dem have it fi say she a mad all de man dem. Through she like hexpensive clothes, car an jewelry. De man dem a go pon wan crime spree, shootin hup everybady in de Gully. She have dem a sell coke, crack an cocaine. So she cyan parade hup and down de street in vain.

Hall day long she paint hup like wan warrior, a smile an skin ar teeth, ’cause she wan man fi carry ar. When she have bills to pay, she busy a “lollogag” pon de phone hall day. Pure designa an high heel shoes she wear, heven hif dem a twist hup ar foot dem an she lok like wan toplin bear.

Me no knoe wey de man dem see in a ar. Har heel back crack-up and she dimmer dan wan light. But wen she tun roun any carner, heven de hole man dem hact sprite. Dis ya gal crave so much hattention, dat she will do hanyting fi create a sensation.

De man dem a rob, tief an shoot, so dis ya mirasme gal cyan run roun lookin cute. She haff hair longa dan rapunzel, all day long diferent, difrent man a ring ar bell. Wen yu henta in ar livin room, she barely haff henough room. De place full a so much contraband an de jewels wey she get a weigh dung ar han.

Dis ya May Penn iz mekin hevrybady nauseaus, we tiad fi see ar hup and dung like Queen Alowecious. Dis tangle head, dry foot gal, a cause too much ruction. De people dem a plan fi simmer ar down wid a major infraction fi saunterin hall ova town. Dem wan get rid a ar wance and far all, ’cause she too proud an stand too tall.

May Penn is about to get downsized, because people believe she haff wan shine yeye.

Everyone wan fi know, what is it about dis gal dat de man dem risk dem life fi sell snow?

Ms. Kneed to Know 


Dear Ms. KTK,
I found yu letta a bit strange, halmost bordaline deranged. A gwein respand to yu in a wey yu cyan hundastand. A wan folks fi top knockin dem fellow man.  Ms. Dulcie doughn’t like fi judge, but mi professional opinion iz dat uno peple is holdin a grudge.

Iz Ms. May Penn bizness if she wan fi mad de men. Dem hole enough fi tink wid dem brain. A fi dem bizness if dem wan trow dem life dung a drain.

Who cyares hif ina fi ar mine she wan hact like sey she is Appolonia wid Prince in a Puple Rain? Hits hall about May Penn an fi ar claim to fame.

She no mek a gole or possess super human powas, so dere must be sumting in ar personality dat mek de man dem cower.

Maybe she cyan cook like Julia Child, or she knows just ow fi use ar feminin wiles. Perhaps it’s ar sweetness dey fine allurin, or her bitchiness dat keeps ’em soaring.

A challengin oman is hallways a curiosity, dat’s probably why dem showa ar ’cause dem recagnize quality. Juss rememba dat no one cyan mek anyone do wey doughn’t wan fi do. Hif de gal iz de hole package, dat’s henough voodoo, and by de way Ms. KTK shame pon you!

Judging peple iz an abomination on de Lawd, and de ongly ting dem cyan cause is discord. 

Till Nex Time,

About the author

Dulcimer "Peaches" Robothom