Ms. Dulcie Sey: "Jesus Christmas! Snow Inna Jamaica!"

Greetins and Salutations!
Ow iz all mi fans dem doing? Lawd! Ms. Dulcie ope uno iz hall okay ’cause de wul seem like it a go topsy-turvy. Nuttin mek sense hanymore, iz pure “haul an pull-up” tings a go on.
Well, Ms. Dulcie no ave no letta fi read to uno ’cause.. guess what?
Jamaica get wan ole heap a snow! Me shock so till…Me halmost fall hout a mi shoes.
Me sey: “Jesus Christmas! Snow inna Jamaica!”
Me ongly use fi see hail a fall from de sky. Me frighten de odder mawning when mi wake hup, me couldn’t did heven hopen mi front door. Me tun hostage inna me hown yard.
 Me haffi cyall fi de Humma Driva fi cum dig de snow houtta de front door so me cyan get hout an go tek cyare a mi bizness.
One piece hof excitement yu see!
De poor Humma Driva culdn’t did fine de damn shovel fi get me houta de ouse, When yu ere from de shout, de Gardner carry ome de shovel ’cause im did fraid a duppy pon de street.
A bex yu see, Im betta fraid a me when im com a wuk tomorrow. A gwey give im one coof inna im neck back, ’cause dat is real chupidness.
Hafta me waz hable fe lef de ouse, me an de Humma Driva, haf wan crases time fe get dung a de studio.
Hevrybadie inna Jamaica a suffa from shell shock, nowan heva see sumuch snow. Peple get fed hup an lef dem nice car pon de road inna de miggle hof de street.
Heven inna de Humma we jussa slip an slide hall ova de place. Den we get stuck dung pon South Camp Road, an iz a good ting sey sum soldiers waz passin by dem push we hout a de blasted snow till we waz able fi get dung de road.
But we nevva did get far, as we tun de carner, anodder patch hof ice an snow.
Me sey de hole hexperience jus tun mi sour pon snowcone…Me no wan see no snow fi a very lang time.
Hevry road we go pon wuza mess, we get stuck and hall we have pon we waz two piece a bamboo stick wey me did get from Country a few months back.
 My deres, mi and de Humma Driva a use bamboo fi clear de street so we cyan get wey we haffi go.
Jamaicans no used to snow at all, hevrybadie tun fool. Me see sum people a use broom an machete fi clear de street dem. Wan lady who live pon de hill close to de Radio Station, was bizy a pour boilin wata pon de snow. De next ting she knoe iz de hole place a flood wey!
De chilren dem tie hup wan board wid tires pon de bottom , an was sailin thru de sno dung de hill.
Missa Fowla im strap hup im foot wid two piece a zinc from de roof and sum limbs from de breadfruit tree, fe mek im way from dung a Spanish Town. Hevrywhere inna Jamaica standstill.
Lorks have mercy! De whole hof de Islan shut dung! No wan cyan go hanywhere. Dem haff de poor soldier dem a wuk ovatime fi get peple from wan place to de nex.
I waz so blinkin mizerable ’cause me foot dem feel like two cement block, mi han dem freze hup from de custed snow, an me feel like me a get “body cum dung”, ’cause me not used to hall disya hacklin.
All a fi me shoes dem iz Sandals, so yu cyan himagine what a sight me mek in ya dis ya white wonderland.
In all de hexcitement, me heel no fall hoff.
Snow fall hall ova me like confetti, by de time me reach a de studio, me look like wan wet rat who hescape from Bellevue.
Hif me did knoe sey it waz a go snow inna Jamaica, me wuld did buy sum skiis inna  Merka wen me waz dere de odder day.
Iz ongly skis and snowmobile cyan get peple thru de blinkin snow.
Me sey wen yu look hall ova Jamaica , yu tink yu iz inna Russia. Snow, Snow, hevrywhere. Fi tree days straight me wear hall a mi  wardrobe fi keep warm an dry. De banana tree dem cova wid snow, de mango tree haf snow. All de pretty flowas quail hup from dis ya plague.
Me start fi wanda bout Ms. Mattie dung a King Street ’cause all day long she dress hup inna fur coat a parade hup an dung de street, a quote bible verse. I wuz wandring hif she waz hout dere, dis would be de time far ar to be spreeing.
All me cyan sey, de Hastronaught dem a bring dung all dis ya snow. Hevry time NASA go hup inna Space de wedda roung de wul go crazy.
Dere iz no where fi we go, heven de temprature cole like ice. We no hequip fi dis ya crasses wedda. Me no knoe ow we a go survive. Dem betta sen elp quick ar helse dem gwey fine Ms. Dulcie bury undaneath de snow. Me cyan heven broadcast me show ’cause what…?  De signal dem jumbled wid de snow.
Mi a write disya note to uno an me two finga dem feel like cripple crab. De ouse dem no haff no heat ar fireplace, iz de coal stove me haffi tun on fi keep warm.
Me cyan chat to uno hanymore……Ms. Dulcie is hexperiencing “aego”….Me jussa tremble an shake from de cole. Just knoe sey, it iz cool inna Jamaica an mi iz runnin fi ketch de nex plane to sumplace warm……
De Bobsled team will get on juss fine in ya disya climate.
Uno hall tek cyare…..S-t-a-y s-w-e-e-t.
P-r-a-y s-e-y w-e t-h-a-w h-o-u-t s-o-o-n.
Dulcimer Peaches Robothom

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Dulcimer "Peaches" Robothom