In my quest for personal enlightenment, I have decided to take advantage of my new working status while taking classes in things which always have been of interest to me.

Firstly I signed up for a pottery class. The result of which almost made me bankrupt, the buying of clay and pottery making products. Eventually I learned how to make a few bowls and a vase which was kind of splotchy. I now, however, want to become a yoga master. I am finding it a bit harder than I bargained for, as now I seem to have become the ungainly ugly duckling in a room full of swans.

When I was in undergrad, my roommates and I would talk about how we wanted to be graceful. We’d watch Audrey Hepburn movies and lament the fact that we could never be like her. I have been known to trip over my own feet, whether in slippers or high heels. It’s usually the former though, since I live in jeans and t-shirts.

I think that my style of fashion might be against me because to be truly graceful, I think one needs to have more in your closet than jeans and slippers. I always thought yoga could help, you know… Look at Madonna or Sting, they all do it and I’ve never seen them fall on their face. So, I began yoga class and the idea that this was going to be easy was dispelled quickly.

First, the teacher who’s name is Dada, had us lie on a mat relaxing, while listening to chants from the radio. Incense burning and instead of me relaxing, I’m hoping people can’t smell my cheesy feet. Really now, this isn’t putting me in a meditative mood.

Next, I have to do all these stretch movements, which everybody else is doing well but I’m being corrected frequently. The part I loved was this leg thing, where you have to lift your legs up over your head and back as far as you can. One girl had her legs on the ground over her head and doing all manner of things which seemed impossible. While Dada is holding my legs for me, I’m telling him that this is not comfortable. He continues to try and stretch me.

There was another leg one where you had to lie on your back and just swing your legs all over the place with your knees straight. Yeah, it didn’t work out well and not just because of my knock-knees. I think the other students actually stopped what they were doing to watch me, so, you know it was not my brightest moment.

I fully intend to continue yoga because I refuse to give up. As my neck throbs and my tailbone hurts, I think I need to resign myself to the fact that I will never be Audrey Hepburn. Maybe one of the Stooges but definitely not Audrey.