Imagine a Rastaman going on an interview for a customer service job. Here are the questions and his Interpretation:
Why are you leaving your present job?
Di sour bway mi wok fah waan accuse di I a teifing small commodities affa di shelf.. so mi an im naah deal – mek im gwey!
Why should we hire you?
Cause di sign outta door sey “Help Wanted” . unu mus waan help .. soh si mi yah fi help unu out
What are your best skills?
Who? I man can ride a wicked ridim an DJ pan some wicked Dubplate!
How much do you expect to be paid?
Jus gi mi di full hundred!..preferably in a stack of nanny’s
Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any crime?
One time ..but dat noh count … Di police bway jus lack mi up cause im sey it noh right fi have sex wid schoolas. Mi did tink di gal was in har 30s how shi tough
Do you have your own transportation?
I man foot is I man Trans-P.. yuh tink mi get dem callous yah and dutty foot a drive Mercedes?
How would you say you get along in a team environment?
Team environment? A wah name soh?.. beg yuh chat standard patwa so mi can undastood yuh yaah mam
Are you pleasant on the phone?
Yes .. til smaddy feisty dem stinking self wid mi, mi tell dem bout dem Mumma!
Are you good with customers?
Yah mon!..mi always keep mi customas coming fi more… Jah rastafari know sey dem keep coming back fi more a di good herb!
Any personal references?
Check out all a mi weed customas.. RickY D fram Cakburn Pen.. Smoky fram Waltham Park and mi idren Benjie Daag fram Jungle
Well Sir based on those answers I am afraid we will not be able to employ you at this time.
A weh di Mumma baxide unu a waist mi Bloofd baught time faah!! **kiss teet**.. Have a good mine shat up dis r**s !
About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and author. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world. She is currently in the process of writing her first book to be released soon.
© J.C. Wright, Springdale, Maryland
