Dread’s Hilarious Response to a Customer Service Job Interview

Dread’s response – Customer Service Job Interview

Imagine a Rastaman going on an interview for a customer service job. Here are the questions and his Interpretation:

Why are you leaving your present job?
Di sour bway mi wok fah waan accuse di I a teifing small commodities affa di shelf.. so mi an im naah deal – mek im gwey!

Why should we hire you?
Cause di sign outta door sey “Help Wanted” . unu mus waan help .. soh si mi yah fi help unu out

What are your best skills?
Who? I man can ride a wicked ridim an DJ pan some wicked Dubplate!

How much do you expect to be paid?
Jus gi mi di full hundred!..preferably in a stack of nanny’s

Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any crime?
One time ..but dat noh count … Di police bway jus lack mi up cause im sey it noh right fi have sex wid schoolas. Mi did tink di gal was in har 30s how shi tough

Do you have your own transportation?
I man foot is I man Trans-P.. yuh tink mi get dem callous yah and dutty foot a drive Mercedes?

How would you say you get along in a team environment?
Team environment? A wah name soh?.. beg yuh chat standard patwa so mi can undastood yuh yaah mam

Are you pleasant on the phone?
Yes .. til smaddy feisty dem stinking self wid mi, mi tell dem bout dem Mumma!

Are you good with customers?
Yah mon!..mi always keep mi customas coming fi more… Jah rastafari know sey dem keep coming back fi more a di good herb!

Any personal references?
Check out all a mi weed customas.. RickY D fram Cakburn Pen.. Smoky fram Waltham Park and mi idren Benjie Daag fram Jungle

Well Sir based on those answers I am afraid we will not be able to employ you at this time.

A weh di Mumma baxide unu a waist mi Bloofd baught  time faah!! **kiss teet**.. Have a good mine shat up dis r**s !


About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and author. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world. She is currently in the process of writing her first book to be released soon.

© J.C. Wright,  Springdale, Maryland

About the author

Joelle "Wendy" Wright

Joelle "Wendy" Cohen Wright is an author of character-driven Jamaican sketch comedy. She developed her love for sketch comedy after enrolling in a speech drama club in a Kingston primary school, where she won countless awards for her theatre performances.

Joelle is fast becoming one of the Caribbean's well-loved comedy writers. With her irrepressible sense of humor and a flair for dramatics, Joelle's writing style has the right comedic timing that is sure to induce laughter through her storytelling abilities in Jamaican patois. Ever the natural comedienne, she adds a fiery jolt of pure comic bliss to her series of characters and hilarious interpretations of Jamaican every day life.

Her first collection of sketches, "A Soh Wi Do It!" was published in 2010 and made rave reviews from readers across the world. The author dedicated the following years to penning the hilarious come backs entitled, "A Soh It Goh!" and "A Soh Dem Gwaan." Joelle holds a post graduate degree from the University of Maryland, University College, MD.