“I feel quite hurt as I don’t deserve to be treated like this?”
“I will show him that tree nuh grow inna mi face”
The above statements maybe the expressions of a young lady who was “dumped” by her spouse. In her bid to get back at him she rushes out and initiate a relationship with the guy next door or the co- worker who has always expressed interest in her.
A failed relationship can be traumatic experience for one or both partners and individuals do go through the five stages of grief i.e. shock, denial, anger, sadness and acceptance
SHOCK: I am surprised by the turn of events. I was not expecting this
DENIAL: I don’t believe that he/she has walked out on me
ANGER: How dare you treat me this way? It nah go so
SADNESS: I can’t live, if living is without you (song)
ACCEPTANCE: I am ready to move on with my life
It is at the third and fourth stages that the estranged partner seeks to rebuild the shattered self esteem and self worth. Rationale thinking is put on hold while the emotional repair work is proceeding.
Rebound relationships by nature are transient as the affected individual is not necessarily looking for a committed relationship. There is temporary relief and as soon as the person accepts the reality of the loss he/she will loose interest and may want to be left alone, much to the amazement of the new partner.
- Give yourself time to reflect on the root cause of the break-up
- Do an honest self evaluation. Ask your self. “Is there something I have done or never did that prompted this action?”
- Avoid sharing your hurt with someone who may have vested interest, he or she may take advantage of your fragile emotional state
- Use the opportunity to explore new hobbies and creative activities
- Don’t be angry be happy the break-up may just be a blessing in disguise
- Use the opportunity to re-establish the tenets of your next relationship
- Give yourself at least a year to fully exhaust the grieving process
LIFE IS 10% OF WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, AND 90% OF HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT
STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN IS GOING TO BE ROUGH BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT
About the writer:
Wayne A. Powell is a Relationship Counsellor. He operates and Online counselling website which provides a convenient way for both client and therapist to engage with each other from home or office at a time that is expedient to them.You can email him at: [email protected]