Sue was moving back to Jamaica. She made this decision when she came back from visiting Rosa in Orlando. She turned down Sidney’s marriage proposal.  It was a difficult decision because she would have gotten her green card, but she did not love him.

The only person she really every loved was

Ritchie

. From time to time his name would come up in our conversations and I would see a sparkle in her eye. She still loved him even though they had both moved on. I heard he got married in Atlanta and now had 7 children. I thought I caught a glimpse of him one night at a club but was not sure.

Sidney was devastated by Sue’s rejection of his marriage proposal. He called everyday for 3 weeks asking her to reconsider. First there were the flowers and balloons. Then there were the gifts. Then there were the long messages on the answering machine professing his love for her. He even left love poems. Then there were the notes he would leave under the door. At first I thought it was pathetic. No grown man should be “carrying on” like this over a girl. Yes it was my sister and I felt a little pride that someone worshipped the ground she walked on but it was too much. By the third week I was feeling sorry for him. I wanted it to stop.

Sue seemed to be enjoying the attention even though she was not changing her mind.

Then Sidney turned to me. He called me asking me to intervene on his behalf. The conversation was very awkward.

“You know if she marries me you can also get your green card, “he mentioned.

I hated that Sidney knew about our situation. He was right though, if she married him I had a good chance. It would take a while however it was a path to a green card.

It was a path that was not going to happen as Sue made it clear to me she was not going to marry him.

”I really love your sister”, Sidney declared.

“I don’t doubt that, but you and her will have to work it out”, I replied.

“Do you know why she turned me down?” he asked.

“I don’t know” I replied.

Then it got very awkward. He started to tell me how he left his wife and children for Sue. How he did everything for her. How much money he gave up to get divorced. How he had a better life in Jamaica but he chose to live here to be close to Sue. He started to cry and talked about their personal relationship. Just when I thought it could not get any worse he started to talk about missing Sue in bed and how she was the best.

It was time for me to get off the phone. I don’t want to hear about Sue’s sex life.

“Sidney, I have to go”

“Wait, do you know what Sue is going to do when she graduates?”

“No Sidney, bye”, I hung up the phone. It was clear this was an obsession.

Sue had plans. Once she got back to Jamaica she was going to apply for Canadian residency. The Canadian government were providing Canadian residency to Jamaicans with Masters Degrees under a special program. Some Jamaicans were saying the program was causing a brain drain but I doubt people were rushing to go to cold Canada.

My mother had some cousins who lived there. Sue would live with them until she could manage on her own feet.

Sue also came back with news on Rosa. Apparently Rosa felt I gave in too easily to the break up. She thought I would fight. I am sure the way Sidney was pursuing Sue played a role in how Rosa felt I should have responded to her request to break up. I was not going to lower myself to begging.

“If you love someone you should not be afraid to show all your cards” Sue mentioned to me. “You know she wants you back”

“I can’t force something. She has to make the first move”

“She won’t”

“I won’t either. She is the one who broke up with me”

“I told you she still loves you and wanted you to fight for the relationship”

“But I was fighting all this time” I replied.

“Make the first move” she pleaded.

I walked away. I did not want to discuss it anymore.

This whole situation was an emotional roller coaster. I was tired of the games. First it was Rosa calling off the wedding. Then it was the hope I felt that we would still get married. Then there was the “break up” that lasted less than an hour. Then there was the make up that felt like I was just her “lover”. Then the second break up. She always made it seem everything was my fault. It reminded me of the song “Just Once” by James Ingram.

I did my best

But I guess my best wasn’t

Good enough

‘Cause here we are back where we were before

Seems nothing

ever changes

We’re back to being strangers

Wondering if we oughta stay

Or head on out the door

Sue gave me a few days but persisted that I call Rosa. My mother also asked a few times about me calling Rosa.  It started to wear on me. Rosa seemed to be reaching out through them.

I started to reconsider. Should I call her?

“No”‘ I told myself. Let her make the first move.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Hello”, Rosa’s familiar voice was on the other end.

“Hi”, I replied.

“Ooh, it’s you.” She sounded surprised.

“How are you doing” I asked. The real question I wanted to ask was “Do you miss me or are you playing a new game?”

“I am doing well.” She replied. I was hoping she would ask how I was doing but she did not. There was silence.

 I did not know what to say next.   I could revert to the common chit-chat about work, friends, etc. but I was not sure if that would accomplish the goal of re-establishing the relationship.

“How is the new job?” Rosa asked.

“It’s going good,” I replied. It was happening. We started to casually chit-chat. It was the type of conversation that friends have. It was the type of conversation that will not resolve the break up.

At the end of the call we agreed to talk the following week.

The call left me wondering what I was doing. How was I to fight for Rosa who was living in another location? There was no me going over to her place to see her.  I could not afford flowers everyday like Sidney. Even calling her every day and talking for hours could become expensive. This was not going to work. I was wasting my time to satisfy the pressure from my mother and Sue.

I called and did the “small talk” routine for three weeks. We never discussed the relationship. Then I started to get Rosa’s answering machine.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I was not looking for a new relationship. I just wanted to have fun. I met a few girls while going out clubbing but nothing serious. Then I met Elena.  She was of Cuban girl I saw a few times while clubbing. We danced a few times but nothing else. Steven prided himself at finding the hottest clubs for us to attend.

Elena was always at the hottest club with her friends. One of her friends dated Steven briefly.

Elena was always staring at me. Steven joked that she had the body of a black woman because of her butt. I had to admit she had a great shape. He did warn me to be careful of her.

Then one night what was supposed to be fun turned into something different.

It was a night where I may have had too much to drink. It started with her walking over to me and saying “Let’s dance”. The rest was a world wind, with me waking up at her apartment, she fixing me breakfast in bed and she calling me her “boyfriend”.