Once upon a time, Brother Anancy and his good friend, Brother Lion were hungry and were in the mood for something tasty to eat. They decided that they wanted to have some chicken at Island Grill. Brother Anancy had just bought a sporty new car and offered to drive. But there was only one problem. Brother Anancy did not know how to get to Island Grill by car. Luckily, Brother Anancy’s new car came equipped with a Jamaican GPS Navigation system. He was certain the GPS could get him to the restaurant.
After he and Bredda Lion settled in the vehicle, he turned on the GPS. The voice of the GPS blared through the speakers with a husky male voice.
“Where di two a unu going?” the GPS asked.
Bredda Anancy replied, “Mister GPS, mi an mi fren want to get to Island Grill to get something to eat. But we don’t know how to get there from here. Can yuh give us di directions , please?
“No problem man! Is easy drive dat. Put the car in gear and head down the road until yuh get to Bredda Jancrow food stall,” the GPS instructed.
Bredda Anancy is shocked and amazed.
“Breddda Jancrow have a food stall? Whateva food im selling must smell bad, because as far as I know, jancrow love dead meat,” Anancy asserted.
“Yes man, I know about that stall very well, Anancy,” Bredda Lion said. “Every time one of the animals dead in the district, Jancrow set up di food stall.”
“Yuh si what a tell yuh! I know what I am talking about, the GPS remarked . Soh drive down the road til yuh get to Bredda Jancrow food stall. Yuh cyaan miss it!”
Bredda Anancy puts the car in gear and charged down the road. A few minutes later, sure enough, he saw Bredda Jancrow sitting on a bench selling dead meat by the pound at the side of the road. Just then, the GPS gave him another direction.
“Now, buss the left here soh and drive for about 200 feet an mek a right turn when yuh come to one big, red building. Dat is Bredda Rat famous restaurant.”
Again Bredda Anancy is astounded.
“Bredda Rat have big restaurant?!” He asked in disbelief.
“Yes man! Bredda Rat use to live inna people restaurant and eat up dem scraps and him neva like how di food taste. Soh him decide seh im going to open up im own restaurant. Im most famous ting pan di menu is, rat bat soup,” Bredda Lion explained.
The GPS added, “yes boss, Bredda Rat a big time chef dese days. Now, in another two minute, I want yuh to look out for Bredda Puss Fry Fish place. Yuh cyaan miss it.”
This time Brother Lion is caught by surprise.
“Bredda Puss can fry fish? Since when?” he asked in disbelief.
Anancy replied with a big grin, “but wait, you never know seh Bredda Puss a fish tief? If I was a betting man, I would bet seh every last bit of fish im fry in dat place, is tief im tief it.”
The GPS chuckled along with Brother Anancy. Soon, the smell of fry fish seeped into the air. Brother Anancy and Brother Lion could not believe their eyes as they drove alongside Bredda Puss dressed in an Apron, frying fish in his shop.
The GPS warned, “Unu keep unu head straight an noh badda stap. The fish may smell good, but is only stale fish im sell. Lickle fram dis, as yuh come to di commercial bank, look to yuh lef and yuh wi si Bredda Dankey Patty Shop.”
Kiss mi forty leg! Bredda Dankey open up patty shop to?!” asked Anancy.
Anancy, is only eight legs you have. Where you get 40 legs from? Bredda Lion asked confused.
“Bredda Lion mi fren. Anyting is possible, because I do not know what di trousis foot Bredda Donkey know bout baking patty! If him can have a patty shop, den I can have 40 legs!” Anancy argued.
“A true ting enoh Anancy, because I would tink di only ting dat Bredda Donkey know how to bake is jackass carn – but not patty!”
Anancy then said, “next thing this GPS is going to tell mi fi look out fi Bredda Fowl fry chicken restaurant. But wait…talking about Bredda Fowl, is a long time I don’t see him running around the place enoh. Wonda if im sick?”
“You know Anancy, I don’t see im at all since im come back fram country di odda day enoh. Im did lose a couple feada an im did get mawga, soh maybe im sick fi true,” Bredda Lion responded.
The GPS was quite amused with how surprised Brother Anancy and Brother Lion were that their friends had become entrepreneurs in the food business. However, the GPS had not heard of a restaurant owned by Brother Fowl and tried to reassure them.
“I don’t know anyting about Bredda Fowl owning any fry chicken place. Dat is not coming up on my satellite. But di good news is, unu is not too far from Island Grill. Unu coming up to a Shell gas station where the bus stop is. Right across fram dat bus stap, look out fi Bredda Dawg Jerk chicken stan.”
At this point Brother Anancy and Brother Lion are flabbergasted.
“Holy pig tail! No sah! Bredda Dawg coulda neva have jerk stan an im noh know nutten bout Jerk Sauce!” Anancy protested.
Bredda Lion remarked, “Well Anancy, im may not know any ting about jerk sauce but Bredda Dawg sure know how to chase fowl. Soh im suppose to have plenty fowl fi stock dat restaurant fi monts.”
As they approach the restaurant, Brother Anancy took a whiff off the scent coming from across the street. He is entranced in the smell of the rich aroma floating through the air. He stopped the car on the side of the road and murmured.
“The jerk chicken smell good eeh man. I feel like eating right here soh an get a taste off Bredda Dawg jerk fowl. What yuh seh about dat, Bredda Lion?” Anancy asked.
“I say wi forget about Island Grill and mek wi patronize wi good fren Bredda Dawg. Di jerk fowl smell like it wi nourish mi belly good an propa!” Bredda Lion replied with excitement.
The GPS realizing they were not going to continue onto Island Grill as planned, cautioned the two.
“I tink dat is not wise idea. Island Grill is a more decent restaurant and unu don’t know what kinda fowl Bredda Dawg a sell. Im could be selling some old fowl dat im buy fram Bredda Jancrow food stall. “
“No man! I believe is good meat im sell. Old fowl don’t smell soh sweet. Mi an Bredda Lion going to tek a chance an support Bredda Dawg,” Anancy rebuffed.
And so it was, Brother Anancy and Brother Lion went into Bredda Dawg’s restaurant, marched up to the counter and greeted their friend.
“Whappen Bredda Dawg?! Yuh look like yuh doing good business here mi fren. What yuh have on the menu? asked Anancy.
“Well, mi sell jerk chicken back, stew chicken back, curry chicken back and fry chicken back by di pound,” Bredda Dawg replied.
“Ah-rite…sell mi a pound a jerk chicken back,” Anancy ordered.
“Mi wi try di curry chicken back,” Bredda Lion followed.
Within minutes, their meals were brought out to their table. Bredda Anancy and Bredda Lion ate to their hearts content; licking their fingers and savoring their meals to the last bite.
Once they finished their meals, they told Bredda Dawg that it was the best tasting chicken they had ever had and that they were so glad they decided not to go to Island Grill. Then Bredda Anancy had one burning question to ask Bredda Dawg.
“Bredda Dawg, yuh know seh mi an Bredda Lion was just saying how wi noh si bredda Fowl fram im come back fram country? When laas yuh si im?” Anancy asked.
Bredda Dawg had a stunned expression on his face. He then made a big gulp and confessed.
“Is im unu jus dun eat.”
© Written by Joelle C. Wright June 2012
Books by the Author: A Soh Wi Do It & A Soh It Goh!
About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and the author of the book “A Soh Wi Do It!”. She recently completed her second book “A Soh It Goh!”. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world.
Check out her website for more information on her books and appearances – http://www.ackeepodpublishing.com/