Culture

Yaad Fowl – Farrin Fowl Come To Jamdung- Part1

 

Farrin fowl decides to a visit Jamaica to spend vacation with Yaad fowl. Yaad fowl came to to pick up farrin fowl at Palisadoes airport.

Farrin Fowl: (waving fluffy white wings) Hi there! Yoohhoo over here.
Yaad Fowl: (turning around) Oh! Mi neva even know sey a yuh dat farrina. Yuh look so white an featherful ..den a mek yuh a walk so stoosh wid yuh nose up ina di air?
Farrin fowl: What’s wrong with my walk? This is how we are trained to walk in the states …(Fanning) My it’s Hot in Jamaica.. do you guys have AC down here?
Yawd fowl: Den yuh noh muss hat if yuh gat aan so much blastid feada pan yuh back!! Dung yah wi noh wear so much feada seka di heat.. look an si how part a mi batty peal out! Nat a feada pan it!
Farrin fowl: I don’t want to look at your butt!! Let’s just go hop a big rig truck and get home. I am very tired.
Yawd fowl: If a laff a a cut a fawt tidey. Hap truck? But yuh noh easy ..dung a yaad wi fowl get roun pan foot. Yuh tink wi leg dem fat an trang jus so! Yuh betta pick up yuh grip an come wi start walk ..bout hap truck.. a mi yuh waan dem kick affa dem truck noh!
Farrin fowl: WALK!! Jees!The furthest I have ever walked in my entire life is to the farm gate in the States.
Yawd fowl: So a farm yuh live pan? But si yah a wah kina big life unu a life up deh?
Farrin fowl: Yes we live on a Chicken farm and we are well kept by our Master.
Yawd fowl: So unu a slave up deh wid Master and dem ting deh? Mi tink sey farrin dun wid di slave drive business! Dung yah wi noh ansa to nat a masta
Farrin fowl: Oh no we don’t work at all. Our Master is a wealthy man name Mister Perdue. He makes sure we are kept clean all day not like how filthy you look now in public :rolleyes:
Yawd fowl: Look yah farina.. doan renk yuself! Lowe mi an mi dutty feada and dutty foot.. Mi noh jain di “Bess Dress Chicken” posse. Mi noh have no time fi a titivate ina bess dress clothes fi walk a road. An which part unu hear sey fowl bade?.. All fi unu meat muss tough if a soh unu bade everyday. **kiss teet** .. Come aan yaah cause a fur wi havi walk fi ketch weh wi a go.

They finally got home … (DINNER TIME)

Farrin Fowl: Can I get some thing to eat .. I am starving and my throat is awfully dry.
Yaad Fowl: Well mi know di perfect place fi get some good nutritious food.
Farrin fowl: Oh goodie! Just please don’t take me to KFC ..that place gives me the creeps. I heard that’s where all the rotten chickens go.
Farrin Fowl: Wi nat going no where near KFC .. wi noh have dat a country. Wi going ova Ms Myrtle yaad ..dat ooman always have some fat cackroach an biting ants a run up a dung di place.
Farrin Fowl: Oh YUCK! You eat ROACHES! EEWWWW! If that isn’t the most disgusting thing. Have you guys heard of chicken feed made of crushed animal parts?!
Yaad Fowl: No wanda yuh so maaga! Fowl fi nyam cakroach!! If yuh waan delicate food galang back a farrin! An please to tek aff dat boot.. is yuh so-so foot yuh gwine havi use fi scrape out di food fram outta di gutta wata.
Farrin Fowl: I can’t walk barefoot!! The heat will melt my feet. I just got a pedicure before I came here!! My feet will be ruined!! Please let me keep my shoes on.
Yaad Fowl: Misis yuh jus get pedicure fi dem deh lang ugly toe?! Please yuself. But mi know sey di res a fowl dem a go laugh affa yuh backside a walk a road ina pike heel boot.
Farrin Fowl: OK I’ll take it off..Gees! Let’s go cause I am hungry.

Walking the streets ….

Farrin Fowl: Ouch!! Ooohh Ouch!! All these stones ..Ouch!! The pain.. the pain
Yaad Fowl: If a laugh a dead ..yuh betta learn fi walk pan gravel yuhnoh cause mi naah lif yuh up.. Hole aan si car a come..Wi ago wait fi it paas before wi crass di street
Farrin Fowl: Oh No! We are taught in the states NEVER to cross the streets!! This is not good for us chickens… You are out of your mind!!
Yaad Fowl: Den tan up yah so den noh .. Fi get to Miss Myrtle yaad wi haffi crass di street so tell mi how yuh a get deh!
Farrin Fowl: Don’t you guys have an overpass bridge near by? I am so sacred .. this could be the end of my life.
Yaad Fowl: **sigh** Gi mi yuh wing mek mi help crass di street cause yuh a try mi patience tideh!

They crossed the street and headed to the yard… Yaad fowl started running after a roach..

Farrin Fowl: Come yah yuh lickle bugga! .. Hey farrin fowl yuh naah chase di cakroach dem ..si one a yuh foot deh
Farrin Fowl: (screaming) AAAHHHHhh!! Get him off me!!
Yaad Fowl: NYAM DI SINTING EDIAT!! But a wah dis fowl dowe dear Gad!
Farrin Fowl: Ok .. here goes ..one, two, three (grabbed it and started chewing)… This had better be fat free.. This roach could give me high cholesterol , it is so oily!
Yaad Fowl: Is nat hail pan di roach ..is goodly lickle Baygon Roach spray weh neva tek! Farrin Fowl: Boy you guys have a weird diet ..no wonder you are so fat and overweight
Yaad Fowl: Mine who yuh calling ovaweight yuhnoh.. Noh mek mi tek sinting an bruck aff yuh maaga foot mek Ms Myrtle tun it ina chicken foot soup.
Farrin Fowl: Good God.. Jamaicans eat our feet too?!!
Yaad Fowl: Yes mi dear .. dem nyam di foot, di breas, di wing, fowl batty – dung to di bone. Dem noh lef nat a scraps a di bone dem fi di daag. Dem nyam it aff clean, clean! Soh dem noh nyam fowl bone a farrin?
Farrin Fowl: From what I heard it is not as juicy and doesn’t have a certain flavor to it.
Yaad Fowl: Mi noh surprise… cause if unu can up deh a nyam crush animal parts an unu maaga an look like dead duck mi noh si how fi unu bone can taste good!
Farrin Fowl: That’s not nice!! We make the best Cajun fried chicken and Juicy Grilled chicken.
Yaad Fowl: But ketch pappy show!! Dem dash unu pan grill? Unu lucky .. all dem do dung yah a dash seasoning pan wi an bun wi up ina cockanat ail an mek wi boil dung ina di pat.
Farrin Fowl: That is such animal cruelty..
Yaad Fowl: Here yuh go wid di fart again… is so fowl fi nyam! Unu an unu Cajan and grill chicken foolishniss. When dem nyam fowl dung yah all di fowl grease lef pan dem mout carna and ten finga lick! .. Anyway mi tirsty, so mek wi go look some gutta wata fi drink.

Farrin Fowl: I’m Ok .. I’ll just swallow my spit.
Yaad Fowl: Suit yuhself.. gutta wata good fi yuh …. A it kip mi regula.
Farrin Fowl: So where do you use the bathroom when you have to go?
Yaad Fowl: Anywhere! As yuh feel like di sinting a come yuh jus let ie goh .. Di bad ting is smaddy always a tep ina yuh do-do an carry it ina dem house.
Farrin Fowl: Can we go home now? I think I am getting sick from this heat and I need to rest my feet.
Yaad Fowl: Wait deh fus .. Mi waan do- do. (letting it out)
Farrin Fowl: Oh dear God that is nasty!!.. I can’t look at this (turning away)
Yaad Fowl: ..aaaahhh dat feel good. ..Mi noh know how yuh soh stoosh fi fowl..Dat man name Mista Purdue Bruck uu bad!.. Come wi goh home back to roost before night ketch wi…So you like yaad so far farrina chic?
Farrin Fowl: HEN NO an don’t call mi chick either ..it’s chicken Dam it!!

 

 

 

About the author

Joelle "Wendy" Wright

Joelle "Wendy" Cohen Wright is an author of character-driven Jamaican sketch comedy. She developed her love for sketch comedy after enrolling in a speech drama club in a Kingston primary school, where she won countless awards for her theatre performances.

Joelle is fast becoming one of the Caribbean's well-loved comedy writers. With her irrepressible sense of humor and a flair for dramatics, Joelle's writing style has the right comedic timing that is sure to induce laughter through her storytelling abilities in Jamaican patois. Ever the natural comedienne, she adds a fiery jolt of pure comic bliss to her series of characters and hilarious interpretations of Jamaican every day life.

Her first collection of sketches, "A Soh Wi Do It!" was published in 2010 and made rave reviews from readers across the world. The author dedicated the following years to penning the hilarious come backs entitled, "A Soh It Goh!" and "A Soh Dem Gwaan." Joelle holds a post graduate degree from the University of Maryland, University College, MD.