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How to break up with a nice person

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  • How to break up with a nice person

    Everything about us looks good on paper: we are both financially stable, emotionally available, and have adult children who are independent of us. He is a wonderful man in many ways. He treats me well. We have similar tastes and enjoy going out. I know he loves me. There is nothing drastically wrong with our relationship.

    But ...

    I can't shake the feeling that we are not right for each other. It seems to me we spend more time feeling annoyed with each other than we do enjoying one another. He doesn't see it that way. I detest tension and my tolerance for disharmony is low.

    So...

    call it off?
    Last edited by Peasie; 11-02-2014, 09:32 AM. Reason: corrected grammar

  • #2
    I don't know. Do you have strong feelings for him? (love or whatever you people call it these days)

    work on what's causing the annoyance ?...are you both willing to try that?
    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

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    • #3
      Love has nothing to do with it.

      He is willing to work on the annoyances. Most of the time he admits they are his fault and he apologizes. I accept his apologies. But then he wants to discuss the annoyances in detail while I have already moved on and forgotten what the issue was. This is me, "Huh? What are you talking about? Oh, that thing. But we discussed it already and I've forgotten about it. Now what?"

      And then I get annoyed.

      I think he is sometimes like a ginghi fly

      Comment


      • #4
        OK Tina Turner


        Have you tried saying "look here Desmond...just leff it nuh man. cho." and give him the universal sign of annoyance suh him will back off >>>>

        me nuh like see two nice people break up, so just try explain to him seh u doan like fi over-analyze tings.
        “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Peasie View Post
          Everything about us looks good on paper: we are both financially stable, emotionally available, and have adult children who are independent of us. He is a wonderful man in many ways. He treats me well. We have similar tastes and enjoy going out. I knew he loves me. There is nothing drastically wrong with our relationship.

          But ...

          I can't shake the feeling that we are not right for each other. It seems to me we spend more time feeling annoyed with each other than we do enjoying one another. He doesn't see it that way. I detest tension and my tolerance for disharmony is low.

          So...

          call it off?
          sund like yuh waant a rude bwoy instead aff a nice guy.

          mii neva figgit wen mii was chattinn widd dem oomen inn mii familee bout dem tendencee fii natt date nice guys. tree aff dem tunn pon mii at da same thyme dat mii shood natt chatt cah mii natt awlway nice. dat surprised mi cah mii tink mii was wan aff dem nice guy.

          avoidance aff y yuh feel annoyance mean yuh will gitt annoyed again cah yuh neva deal widd da underlieinn issue. cah yuh doan feel yuh rite fe each addar yuh doan waan fe address y cah yuh might hurt imm feelings. iff imm tryinn ann yuh natt tryinn dat juss mean yuh doan waan fe fixx itt
          Last edited by blugiant; 11-01-2014, 04:50 PM.
          I have no desire to take all black people back to Africa; there are blacks who are no good here and will likewise be no good there.
          Marcus Garvey

          satire protected speech soo more fiyah

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          • #6
            Originally posted by blugiant View Post
            sund like yuh waant a rude bwoy instead aff a nice guy.

            mii neva figgit wen mii was chattinn widd dem oomen inn mii familee bout dem tendencee fii natt date nice guys. tree aff dem tunn pon mii at da same thyme dat mii shood natt chatt cah mii natt awlway nice. dat surprised mi cah mii tink mii was wan aff dem nice guy.

            avoidance aff y yuh feel annoyance mean yuh will gitt annoyed again cah yuh neva deal widd da underlieinn issue. cah yuh doan feel yuh rite fe each addar yuh doan waan fe address y cah yuh might hurt imm feelings. iff imm tryinn ann yuh natt tryinn dat juss mean yuh doan waan fe fixx itt
            No. Had one rude bwoy in mi life. And don't want that again. Ever. Dat was donkey years ago and I learned from that (Mercifully, God later answered the prayers of a young woman and gave her a wonderful man who would love her completely and father her children. We were happy for 28 years until his untimely death.)

            Underlying issue? I doan tink soh, enuh. Well, maybe ... I appreciate and actively seek harmony and peace. Cannot. tek. drama. and mi nat, repeat nat, gwine step pan no **** eggshells roun nobaddy

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by CeaBee View Post
              OK Tina Turner


              Have you tried saying "look here Desmond...just leff it nuh man. cho." and give him the universal sign of annoyance suh him will back off >>>>

              me nuh like see two nice people break up, so just try explain to him seh u doan like fi over-analyze tings.
              You have a point. I am one of the two nice people

              Mi dun talk to him bout over-analyze erry dam ting. how else miffi mek im understand?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Peasie View Post
                No. Had one rude bwoy in mi life. And don't want that again. Ever. Dat was donkey years ago and I learned from that (Mercifully, God later answered the prayers of a young woman and gave her a wonderful man who would love her completely and father her children. We were happy for 28 years until his untimely death.)

                Underlying issue? I doan tink soh, enuh. Well, maybe ... I appreciate and actively seek harmony and peace. Cannot. tek. drama. and mi nat, repeat nat, gwine step pan no **** eggshells roun nobaddy

                You know sometimes no matter how nice or good that next person is we subconsciously look for all the traits the perfect partner we had (not saying Mr Peasie was perfect but he was your perfect partner). At this point in your life it may be hard to find the man that will measure up and you not needy so you may not settle for one that is nice if them not nice enough. Good luck figuring out how to have the break up conversation.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think his 'over-analyzing' is him trying too hard. And I think your dismissal of it is you not trying hard enough.

                  And you're not trying hard enough because he's not what you want.

                  He may be nice, but he's not for you. And your sixth sense is telling you this so just listen to it and dun de ting.

                  Plus im cyaa dance.
                  Every obstacle is an opportunity in disguise.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Peasie View Post

                    ... I appreciate and actively seek harmony and peace. Cannot. tek. drama. and mi nat, repeat nat, gwine step pan no **** eggshells roun nobaddy


                    ok so it sounds like is the annoyances in the first place that giving you pause (not his subsequent over-analyzing..cause over analyzing doan normally cause drama?)

                    so yes if u talk to him and him not changing...except to try explain and analyse it later on, then maybe is time you both move on to other nice people.

                    (Me vaguely remember some song bout peace in my home and peace in my heart but me caan memba it to quote )
                    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by twiney View Post
                      You know sometimes no matter how nice or good that next person is we subconsciously look for all the traits the perfect partner we had (not saying Mr Peasie was perfect but he was your perfect partner). At this point in your life it may be hard to find the man that will measure up and you not needy so you may not settle for one that is nice if them not nice enough. Good luck figuring out how to have the break up conversation.
                      I referenced the Mr. PZ thing in response to Blu ignoramus rude bwoy ting but I see your point. But mi not looking for anyone to have the kind of relationship I had with Mr. PZ. That would be too creepy. Plus mi too ole fi dat.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Nunya View Post
                        I think his 'over-analyzing' is him trying too hard. And I think your dismissal of it is you not trying hard enough.

                        And you're not trying hard enough because he's not what you want.

                        He may be nice, but he's not for you. And your sixth sense is telling you this so just listen to it and dun de ting.

                        Plus im cyaa dance.
                        Ah, I see some truth in this.

                        Mi feel seh mi too experienced (or dam ole) to be trying hard at anything in the relationship department. Chrrps.

                        I wonder if you're right about "he's not what you want." Mek mi ponder dat.

                        We enjoyed the dance lessons and he was a good sport about that.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by CeaBee View Post
                          (Me vaguely remember some song bout peace in my home and peace in my heart but me caan memba it to quote )
                          maybe is the song "too much nenga nennga in my aize" me a memba


                          “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

                          Comment


                          • #14

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Start with this song


                              and then tell him you are breaking up.

                              Be clear
                              Have a good reason
                              Dont offer friendship right now
                              Wish him well
                              If you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
                              We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.org

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