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Should this man tell this other man's wife about the affair

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  • Should this man tell this other man's wife about the affair

    What do you think about this? If the roles were switched and it was a woman would the same advice be given?

    Tell truth to wife of hubby who broke up marriage

    Source: USA today -Dear Amy

    Dear Amy:
    My wife and I are separating after 13 years of marriage. A few months ago she said she was unhappy. Then I learned she had formed an "emotional and spiritual connection" with a married man from church, someone I know and whose children play with our children after church every Sunday.

    I believe her lack of interest in working on our marital issues is tied to the fact that there is someone else already in her life, who has taken her focus away from "us."
    I am torn about telling the man's wife about this "connection." Some people have advised me to tell her, because I would want to know if my wife was being secretive.
    Others have said to leave their marriage alone. My wife has told me that the other man has not told his wife; he has told her that I am suspicious of them, because I met with him to talk about his relationship with my wife, and he denied anything but friendship.
    Then to cover himself he made me seem like an insecure, jealous husband who has strange ideas about their "friendship." My wife excused his behavior by suggesting that I cornered him, and what else was he going to say?
    Should I meet with her and tell her what I know, or leave it alone, in the belief that it will reveal itself eventually? Wronged Husband



    Dear Wronged: You are not a disinterested party to this involvement it has a direct impact on your life and marriage, and so you should disclose it.
    You did the right thing by confronting the husband. It did not go well for you but, still, you did your best to approach him and tell the truth. Even if there is no hope to save your own marriage, you should still tell the truth to the other person whose marriage is affected.
    You should say, "I want you to know that my wife and I are separating due to the fact that she is involved with your husband. It gives me no pleasure to tell you this, but I thought you should know because your own marriage may also be at risk."
    Out of Many One People Online
    http://www.jamaicans.com

  • #2
    What does he hope to accomplish by telling the other man's wife? That she will be grateful for his intervention into her marriage and family life? Ha! You never know how people will react.

    So IMHO he should just keep himself to the matters of his own failing marriage and leave other people alone.

    Comment


    • #3
      He is directly affected and he did speak with the man who is interfering with his ability to heal his marriage. I would tell the pastor so he can have a sermon about cheating and stare at the affected parties.
      If you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
      We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.org

      Comment


      • #4
        This 'emotional & spiritual connection' that the wife says she's formed with this other man could be one-sided. This other man could've been truthful when he said that all he had with the unhappy wife was a friendship.

        She's unhappy and may have misconstrued the other man's friendship as something more. She may also be subtly manipulating her husband in hopes that he'll approach the other wife and thus sew discord.

        I'm apt to think that he should leave it alone. He has nothing to gain by saying something and could possibly destroy a marriage.
        Every obstacle is an opportunity in disguise.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by kia027 View Post
          He is directly affected and he did speak with the man who is interfering with his ability to heal his marriage. I would tell the pastor so he can have a sermon about cheating and stare at the affected parties.
          Not sure if I want the pastor to preach this on the pulpit as it would be a personal message be send via the platform. However maybe the talking to them privately.
          Out of Many One People Online
          http://www.jamaicans.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Xavier View Post
            Not sure if I want the pastor to preach this on the pulpit as it would be a personal message be send via the platform. However maybe the talking to them privately.

            the wife may not be the only one with an emotional connection to a man who is not hers. Preach it out!!
            If you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
            We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.org

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Nunya View Post
              This 'emotional & spiritual connection' that the wife says she's formed with this other man could be one-sided. This other man could've been truthful when he said that all he had with the unhappy wife was a friendship.

              She's unhappy and may have misconstrued the other man's friendship as something more. She may also be subtly manipulating her husband in hopes that he'll approach the other wife and thus sew discord.

              I'm apt to think that he should leave it alone. He has nothing to gain by saying something and could possibly destroy a marriage.
              Yes. Agree with this.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by kia027 View Post
                the wife may not be the only one with an emotional connection to a man who is not hers. Preach it out!!
                I hear you...there may be other victims of the same man too...Not sure how many of you watched the Dateline series on Sunday before Miss Universe with the man who claimed he was a spy and was a bigamist with children in multiple countries...

                Out of Many One People Online
                http://www.jamaicans.com

                Comment


                • #9
                  Especially in this day of AIDS and HIV, yes always tell. This could be a matter of life and death if the slut is rooskin a number of men. If she is doing it with one, she may well do it with another.

                  Same thing applies if it's a man.

                  Comment


                  • #10


                    Source: USA today -Dear Amy

                    Hmmmm.
                    Always relish seeing what others would advise others unlike themselves and while being afar off....being and of a different cultural or "other" background!


                    This homogeneity of belief and actions and whatever is a major contribution to racism and wars.
                    When we think we know what others must do - and God helps us in our closeted darkness.


                    But having said the above
                    I cannot claim to advise them on this matter either.

                    Were in I this position however, I would just move on legally emotionally.
                    She has found happiness elsewhere.
                    Seems they also deserve each other.

                    Why should I be a party to another break-up. I already contributed to mine.
                    Of course I also am not advising any here to do it what I say either.
                    Last edited by bigabroad; 01-28-2015, 12:41 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Nunya View Post
                      This 'emotional & spiritual connection' that the wife says she's formed with this other man could be one-sided. This other man could've been truthful when he said that all he had with the unhappy wife was a friendship.

                      She's unhappy and may have misconstrued the other man's friendship as something more. She may also be subtly manipulating her husband in hopes that he'll approach the other wife and thus sew discord.

                      I'm apt to think that he should leave it alone. He has nothing to gain by saying something and could possibly destroy a marriage.
                      I agree. He is hurt, so his motive is probably NOT to help the other woman. Unless he believes the woman is in physical or financial danger, he should move on with his new life and try to heal from his hurt.
                      So Groovy that I dig me.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hello Tigrrr! Glad to see you back!
                        Show me your papers.
                        sigpic

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