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About Divorce & Being Sure of Someone

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  • About Divorce & Being Sure of Someone

    I was just having a very long conversation with someone about the topic of divorce. He is on his second marriage after being married for almost 20 years and his sister is in the same boat. They both have teenagers and toddlers.

    It's one thing if one gets divorced after just a couple of years and no children are involved. When the marriage goes longer and there are children involved it is said that it is harder. I know I am not the only divorced person on here. Frankly, I found it easier after the divorce as I just organized things to flow smoothly and there was a lot of cooperation with my ex.

    Now some couples get divorced after 20 years or more and that must be tough. Just goes to show one can never be sure of anyone.

    Clearly it's not easy to pick the right partner or there wouldn't be so many divorces. I was the first in my family to get divorce but now just about all of my friends and family members of the same generation have a divorce under their belts. So what are some of the red flags to look out for? I guess there are no guarantees but no one wants to end up getting divorced twice.

    I'll throw a few into the mix. People don't change so:

    - if you're not on the same page re values...forget about it.
    - if you are ambitious and you partner is laid back, it will never work
    - you also have to be on the same page when it comes to the role of the husbands and wives, mothers and fathers - if you want a partnership and he wants to cock up im foot and would never think of changing a diaper...better have that conversation before getting married and go your separate ways, if you want to save and she wants to spend money like watah...it will never work either
    - is he into porn - are you comfortable with that - if not - it naw go change
    - communication is key so if one wants to discuss and work things out and the other is silent Sam
    - if he is gallis...im naw go change
    - if he is in the habit of partying all night or staying out all night playing dominoes, that won't change either

    I remember a couple that got married the same day I did. Same configuration, husband born and raised in Jamaica. Wife born in Jamaica raised in Canada. The marriage lasted 6 months as he was always out all night playing dominoes. She spent a lot of money too and this caused conflict.

    - are you on the same page about church?
    - are your attitudes towards alcohol and drugs compatible? - look at the ganja wars we have been having dung soh.....can you imagine that in a marriage?
    - if she wants to go out and party and he wants to stay home and watch TV - again this will cause problems
    - ditto with travel - if she likes to travel and he doesn't
    - ditto with dining out - I have found some Jamaican men don't like to dine out, they feel the food may not be
    prepared under sanitary conditions....differences in this area will also cause
    - if she wants to listen to Bach and he wants to listen to Buju... how will that work?

    Anyway those are my thoughts...what are yours?

  • #2
    See what I mean.

    The Golden Globe winner, 64, and his 52-year-old actress wife have separated, according toPeople. The couple had been one of Hollywood's longest-lasting romances, tying the knot in 2002 after dating for about seven years.Gere's rep declined to comment on the matter.
    The couple share one son, 13-year-old Homer, and plan to keep things civil for his sake. "They'll do everything possible to keep things amicable and put their child first," a source described as a family friend tells People.
    Both Gere and Lowell have been through divorce before. He was famously married to Cindy Crawford from 1991 to 1995, while Lowell's previous spouses include photographer John Stember and actor-director Griffin Dunne (with whom she has an adult daughter).
    While there's no official reason for the split, theNew York Post reports the Gere-Lowell union ultimately fell apart because he enjoys his solitude, while she's more of a social creature. The newspaper claims that the pair have lived apart for some time he in Bedford, New York, and she in North Haven, New York.
    Just five years ago, the "Pretty Woman" actor was in a much different place, as he gushed about his bride to Parade.
    "Our marriage is brilliant because of Carey," he said. "She's a fellow traveler with me on the voyage. We're partners, honest mirrors in which to see ourselves and grow and change. We help each other. It is love without ego."
    http://ca.omg.yahoo.com/blogs/the-ju...122124455.html

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    • #3
      Not all of those differences are grounds for divorce. They become a problem when they know before marriage that the person is not a fan of travelling or partying etc and think they can change them vice versa. Somethings wont manifest before the marriage but that's a different category.

      Second part of the question being sure of someone... one day when I grow up I may grow a heart which will allow me to be sure of another human.

      Comment


      • #4
        After a while people just plain and simple get tired of the other person and decide it's time to move on. It's not planned for but it'll happen and it does happen.... Some try to work it out for one reason or the other... children, finances, house, health, or just do not want to be alone or having a hard time letting go and are hung up on "'for richer or poorer, til death do us part".

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by SandiF View Post
          After a while people just plain and simple get tired of the other person and decide it's time to move on. It's not planned for but it'll happen and it does happen.... Some try to work it out for one reason or the other... children, finances, house, health, or just do not want to be alone or having a hard time letting go and are hung up on "'for richer or poorer, til death do us part".
          Agreed!

          Long lasting marriages in which the partners are still madly in love after years and years of living as husband and wife are out there but for the most part, long lasting marriages are made up of people who have just grown accustomed to living with their spouse. Not love really, just a sense of security.

          Comment

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