How I Learned to Live in my Darkest Moment

On July 3rd, 2013 I was diagnosed with an aneurysm on the left side of my brain which changed my life. I had to undergo surgery to place a clip on the aneurysm to stop its growth. To my astonishment, I found out that I had not just one aneurysm but three. The others being small I had only to monitor them. This gave me some comfort. After the surgery I had cognitive issues that prevented me from going back to work. It was such a rough journey that at one point I had asked God why He had not taken me. He comforted me in my spirit letting me know that I need not worry because He would take care of me. Holding on to those words I started thinking differently. I realized that my situation might be difficult but I had so much to be thankful for since I could recognize my family.

 I had suffered short-term memory loss and had to teach myself many things to help me cope.   I walked with a friend for one year because at times I felt off balanced, and became afraid that I would fall and could not walk alone. We prayed everyday at the end of the walk and I asked God to remove any anger, bitterness or resentment from my heart and replace it with His love mercy and grace. I started to realize that I had to be mindful of my thoughts, because God knows it and He is the one I should live my life for.

There were days I could not move but when I listened to music I felt so much better. I realized that I could not do anything without holding on to God’s Word as my source of strength. I was learning total dependency on God. I was walking into my healing and the only way to do that is by reading the Word and living the Word. I read aloud every day so I was seeing it and hearing it to help me to  remember. I started to write through my pain in April of 2015. The first thing I wrote was on the back of an envelope. It was titled “I won’t go back”. I was in tears when I wrote it.I shared it with my family and friends and they thought it was good. I did not know what I was doing. All I knew was, I was putting my heart on paper and it felt good. I was encouraged to keep writing so I took the advice and continued writing. The next lyric I wrote was titled “Shadow,” in my heart I felt this was my deliverance lyric. 

I could sing but I did not know anything about music, so when I told people that I was going to sing them, many did not take me seriously.  Reading God’s word every day, learning and growing, I knew that if I could trust God He could do it for me; and I did. I had cognitive issues and to help me with it God taught me how to sing the lyrics that I had written that I may remember His words of comfort and encouragement. The next lyric I wrote was “Don’t give up”. I held unto those words for life. These lyrics were just spilling out of me. After a while I started getting the melody with the lyrics. I had so many lyrics I did not know what to do.

God spoke to me through these lyrics so I realized I needed to pay attention to what He was telling me. I was treading new waters that I knew nothing about. I used to call family and friends and just sing these lyrics for them.  It was such a joy when someone was blessed or encouraged by my sharing them! At one point I had sent three of my lyrics to Paramount Songs and they sent me a songwriter contract saying all three lyrics were hit songs. I had to send them money for them to put the music to the lyrics and see if someone wanted to sing them. Having no money, I prayed for directions from God, asking if this is not the route He wanted me to take, to block it.  He did not provide financially so there was nothing I could do.

There were just so many lyrics that I did not know what to do; I just knew I had to share them. I was encouraged by my friend to publish a book, I don’t think my friend knew how incapable I was but after everything I had learnt and experienced with God I had decided that if God was calling me to do this I would trust Him. I did, and He placed all the right people in my life to help me to accomplish His will. “Lyrics for the Soul” was published on February 10, 2018. I had also recorded three songs from Lyrics for the Soul and published and distributed them through Tune Core. These are available on amazon music and other channels. After publishing Lyrics for the Soul I was content to sing and publish the songs with God’s provision. I then realized that God had other plans for me. He was calling me to write. I never had a desire to write but soon found joy in it. It helped to change my life, giving me a love and trust in Jesus that I will not trade for anything else.  On my journey I had grown in my Spiritual life so much that I cannot envision my life without Jesus being in the center of it all. I am so thankful for the joy and the peace that I can find in Him, in the midst of my trials.

It was such a blessing to me how my friends and family had received my book and how they were using it. Some on their prayer line some as a word of encouragement each day as a devotional.  God had given me a passion for the Soul. He started with me first teaching me through Lyrics for the Soul about His love and His power that taught me I can depend on Him. Then He taught me how to take care of my soul and He took me on the journey writing Nutrition to the Soul. He placed different situations into my life to help me accomplish this task. It had helped me to examine myself through His eyes and see where I needed to make the change in my own life to be the person that He was calling me to be. This time I was more involved and I had to accept the fact that I had a gift to write and that God had empowered me through His Holy Spirit to do so. It came so naturally, I cannot explain. A lyric comes naturally to me through singing.  I am always singing. Music was a very important part of my healing; it always made me feel good. If I am not writing, I am singing and praising. That is what keeps me going. After writing Nutrition to the Soul, I realized that it was so important what you feed your soul. So I became more aware of taking care of my soul.

A few months after publishing Nutrition to the Soul, I felt led to write “Ignite thy Soul”. I had to admit to myself that this is a series. I thought this should be it now! What more could I write?  …only to realize that there is always something to write. It only ends when Jesus says so, because I started writing again. This journey has not been easy. Several times I wanted to quit but it was out of my hands and I found joy in it.

I had to examine myself to see if I was doing what I ought to do for Jesus that His light can shine through me.  These books changed my life and I am so thankful to God for choosing to use me. I look forward to continuing to live my life for Jesus and share the Good News that others will come to know Him too. I thank God for each and every one who encouraged me along the way. I pray that God would lead the people who need to read my book to it and that they will receive from it what God wants them to and share it with others. I encourage you not to limit yourself to your abilities but to make yourself available to be used by God.

I will close with one of my poems from Nutrition to the Soul this sums it up for me.



So, many years I have been driving my own wheels.

Only to realize, that I was not living but merely existing.

Just going through the motions, but having no joy.

Then, Jesus put spokes in my wheel, to get my attention.

He said give me your wheels, let me steer for you.

I want to take you to places, you have never envisioned.

For, I have a plan for the life I gave you.

Give me your wheels, let me steer for you. 

While you enjoy the ride, I planned for you.

Jesus is in control of my life and I am not living my life through fear but through hope and trust in Him. I am enjoying the joy of my salvation and looking forward to sharing the Good News of what Jesus has done for me.

Veronica E. Walker