Commentary Jamaica Magazine

The Bare Truth of it all … according to Elisanne

I’ve never gotten the thrill of the whole naked man bit at a strip club.  Now do I get it for men?  Sure do, men are very very visual and so seeing a semi-clad woman gyrating and simulating sex is appealing.  Or so I’ve been told.  Also the thrill of a “happy ending” sans hands apparently also has great cache. Apparently, the same holds true for women.  Now I’ve been to strip clubs for both men and women.  Strip clubs for men are interesting.  Now you as a woman can have a woman give you a lap dance if that does it for you; but I find it more interesting to watch the men.  I wonder what is going through their heads while there.  And of course having watched every Season of HBOs Cathouse and G-String Divas, I’m even more intrigued.  But what really did it for me was a few years ago going to one of the seedier of the strip joints in Pompano with my girlfriend and her then boyfriend.  He couldn’t believe we wanted to go … but reluctantly took us.  They seated us in the “pimp” section – oh yes, there was a pimp section … and then proceeded to ask my girlfriend’s boyfriend if he wished us to “work” out a song or two.  Now I was 27 at the time so I nearly fell off the chair – THAT was an experience.  He politely declined and told the manageress that he was treating us to some time out.  Yeah, he played that one to the hilt! 

Men claim they go to strip clubs to relax and have some release.  So, let’s examine this shall we?  Watch show … choose someone who’s your type or appeals to you … have her give you a lapdance (minimum cost – $20).  Now we have … Creation of sexual tension with no hope of release with said person who created tension?  Makes no sense to me, but hey, I still have much to learn about life.  I keep wondering why don’t they just buy the lady in their lives an outfit (Fredericks, Trashy and Agent Provocateur all have tons of stuff), tell her what they like (this is where wigs come in very handy – if you are a brunette – let him have a blonde or a redhead for the night) – have her learn a few routines and then get the whole strip club thing at rock bottom prices?  You can rain money all over your private striptease artist and still put the money back in the bank the following day.  Now if the lady in question isn’t up to the task or behaves like this is beneath her – that’s a whole other situation. But there are stripper exercise classes to bring out your inner goddess, passion party sales are through the roof, so I think more and more women are embracing their more sexually aggressive sides … or at least the ones I know over 30 certainly are!! 

BUT – I have to admit that in some respects I’m a prude.  I like looking at well toned male physiques and their antics with the various ladies both on and off stage at the strip club.  I just have no interest in those antics being directed at me.  Here’s my philosophy … so you want me to take my hard earned money and give it to you to gyrate on me and then what?  Leave me all hot and bothered (if that arouses you)?  I also find it really hard to get turned on by these guys.  I suppose because (a) I know many of them are gay (b) because I know they are in it for the money and who wants to only be wanted for the money? and (c) I like to have a “connection” with someone before your private parts come grazing close to mine or being dangled in my face.  Women have created huge lawsuits against men in the office mentioning anything remotely related to sex … yet here we are having unknown men grind up on us and we gladly pay for the privilege.  Double standard?  I’d say so.  

You know it’s an interesting phenomenon.  Most women would be disgusted if they knew that their men were  lusting after some unknown woman, then paying her to come gyrate on him almost to the point of climax and then coming home to finish the act.  They’d feel cheapened.  I’m guessing that some men might feel the same way too.  YET, we are fine with this scenario when it entails attending a strip club … especially if it’s part of a bachelor or bachelorette party?  Why is this? Are we officially mourning the fact that our days of being bees and sampling every flower are REALLY now OFFICIALLY over with a last hooray full of mega sampling?  

Now this is not a judgment call on anyone.  I’ve been to strip clubs and will probably go again .. I think it’s a fascinating exercise in social observation, plus the music is great, the liquor is flowing and the bartenders (all men), just about trip over themselves to cater to you – it’s the ultimate in customer service. BUT, I just wanted to throw this whole notion out there.  It’s also interesting how when you seem aloof and removed, they make an EXTRA effort to engage you.  In my most recent visit to the establishment of unabashed well honed male flesh, my booty was grabbed no less than five times by five different working men.  Made me kinda glad I’d gained a pound or two back and that my onion booty was back in good shape (LOL).  Because of the five, three were straight.  I think ….. hmmmmm…… 

However, I thoroughly enjoy going to these establishments.  It’s interesting to see what women do when they are there.  Bride-to-be’s glady lose all their inhibitions and have a series of men lick and shake their breasts, slide their hands betwixt their legs and dry grind them to near orgasm.   Recently, I watched one of these patrons rain money all over these guys.  I found that I rather liked this whole concept.  Take a $20 in one dollar bills and as the young man is working to earn his keep, you simply stand over him and rain cash all over him.  Now THIS is a clear reversal.  Women have for so long complained about being the ones being taken advantage of … now they are clearly in the driver’s seat … or are they? 

They bought me a body shot?  Why?  I have no clue … but we can’t be churlish now can we?  Of course not.  After all this is what happens at these establishments and you shouldn’t go if you don’t expect that someone might pull a fast one on you.  So I dutifully sat and had the young man (who by the way was clearly gay .. my gaydar went off the minute he entered the room in his cowboy hat – but I digress) do his job and give me the shot.  I really needed him to give me the maraschino cherry so that it could be over … but he was doing this whole cat and mouse thing.  I think he knew that this was not my cup of tea – so he was dragging it out … okay, I get it … makes for good entertainment.  So when he’s done, he whispers to me “ I’m the man here!”  So I looked up at him, smiled and went – “you might think so, but I call the shots since I’m paying the bill!”  Touche!  Right?

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