Advice & Help

Women and the Fear of Commitment

Unbeknownst to many, women fear commitment just as men do, maybe worse. There is a misconception that women desperately want to be married and therefore is constantly on a witch-hunt to find the perfect husband. And because of the misconception that it is men who are the commitment-phoebes, these men tend to have to be dragged down the aisle by the women. But all these scenarios are misconceptions. There are women out there who like some men may want a relationship, but deep down they fear committing to one. While they maybe happy being single, they may now want to have something more stable because after awhile, no-strings attached sex, partying till the wee hours of the morning, drinking back to back Tequila shots, gets old and boring and something more tangible is now desired.

In today’s society there are a large number of women who are single. A few years ago that was unheard of. A woman had to get married and have children or else she would be looked at in an unfavourable light. Women fearing commitment is not something new. The difference is, it’s being more talked about now in the open. If you should take a look at old wedding pictures of a few generations ago, you would notice that a lot of the women getting married were not happy. Some of them did not even have a smile on their faces. They had misgivings about being married, but they dared not say anything for fear of being maligned. My heart goes out to these women including my mother and the mothers of my friends because they had no interest in getting married or even to marry the men they did. But they were faced with the dilemma of being good girls and good girls did the respectable thing and got married. And of course there was no opening to chose the man she really loved especially if he was not deemed as appropriate “marriage material”. As for co-habitating without being married, that was a sin and heaven forbid if a woman chose that route. However, there have been a few women who have flaunted convention. For example, there was Elizabeth Taylor who has been married, seven or eight times, but she was Hollywood, so that was ok. But how many women back in her time could have gotten away with that type of behaviour?  


If you are a woman and you think that you must be the only woman who fears commitment, do not despair. Here’s letting you know that you have company. Matter-of-fact, you have your own private club and membership is growing rapidly. According to the State of Our Union, National Marriage Project, approximately 30 million women in the United States alone are single. These women have opted to not be influenced by social pressures. It does not mean that they want to live a life of “sin” or they are not mature. No, instead, they do not want to feel pressured into something that takes a lot of commitment and knowing that in the long run they may resent being in that type of relationship. As a single woman you may fear having to give up certain aspects of your single life in order to be in a committed relationship. But if you really think about it, you give something up in every relationship. That is not necessarily a bad thing. When you begin a new job, you are essentially beginning a new relationship. And in this new job you may have to give up coming in to work late as you were accustomed to do at your old job. The difference is the new job comes with a Corporate Card and an increase in salary that is almost twice that of the old job. When you move from one apartment to another, you may have to give up having the Laundromat on the corner of the block to one that is maybe three or four blocks. But think of the advantage of having a much better apartment and you finally got rid of that nasty next-door neighbour.

So women, including myself, when you go from being single to being involved in a committed relationship, you may have to give up the no-string sex, freedom of single life and the freedom to spend your money as you please. But look at what you are gaining, a committed relationship with a man who loves you, a feeling of security that there are now two of you instead of one working towards a common goal and someone you can come home to and share your day. Not to mention a man to finally take out the garbage since you can’t be bothered to do it yourself. There are benefits and then there ARE benefits. But seriously, ladies, while being single has its benefits, being in a committed relationship also has its benefits. Sometimes better ones.   In reality, there is no need to fear a committed relationship. If what you may have to give up, as a single person just to be in a committed relationship, far outweighs the benefits of such a relationship, then by all means remain single. If not, why hesitate? Jump in with both feet landing firmly on the ground. 

Trudy-Ann Simone, founder of Create Your Passion Enterprise, Creative Life Coach and Author, makes it easy for you to discover how you too can quickly discover your true potential by using who you fundamentally are to create your passion.  To learn more sign up for her monthly newsletter on her website  or join her social network where you can participate in her exclusive discussions on her website

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