Marriage In Reverse…2 Gear Shifts For A Smooth Ride

A car with standard shifting gears must be driven in the right gear at certain speeds to keep the engine operating in the right order. The first time I drove a car it was a disaster. It was a six speed gear shift Toyota Corolla. My aunt trusted me to drive her to visit another family member and I cannot forget the mess I made. I drove for about an hour enjoying shifting from first gear to second, third, fourth and fifth then cruising on the highway. As I got to the exit ramp I felt like a pro gearing back down to the appropriate gear to slow the car down. I then drove to the destination without an issue. As I entered the front of the house I did the worse thing possible. I shifted from third gear straight to first gear and heard a loud, cranking sound. I messed up the gears because I forgot to move from third to second gear to slow to a stop. I can remember my aunt’s face. She was so upset with me due to disappointment and worry about the car’s engine and transmission.

If my mess up was not enough, I then put the car in REVERSE and took my foot off the clutch due to a shocking reflex action instead of putting it in neutral. The car jumped vigorously. That was it for my driving this car again in the future. Thank God the car was okay and although I apologized to my aunt, the frightening feeling took a while to go away.

Marriages were made by God for husbands and wives to enjoy a smooth journey of life together with Him at the center of it all, while husband and wife strive to BECOME ONE FLESH. There are two of what I like to call gears in the marriage relationship that must operate properly for this smooth and tranquil marriage relationship that every husband and wife can enjoy but only if these gears are used to properly drive the marriage relationship. However, in today’s society, many marriages are being driven in REVERSE causing destruction to the marriage journey which many times end up in divorce. This does not have to happen. God instructed the husband to be the spiritual leader of his home, wife, family and the wife to submit to that spiritual leadership as unto Christ. The marriage depends only on these two gears to operate at its best ever. But when this does not happen the marriage relationship is in a REVERSAL mode. Here are the two dangers of having a marriage in reverse gear that needs shifting to get the marriage on the right track for that smooth ride.

When Wives Lead

Elijah ran away from Jezebel due to fear of Jezebel (1 Kings 19:4). Adam did not stop Eve from listening to Satan (Genesis 3:12-13). In both these situations disaster followed. God instructed man to lead. Husbands were ordained as leaders. This is a command from God who created marriage and when not followed the marriage relationship will not operate in the right gear.

When Husbands Submit

God instructed wives to submit to the spiritual leadership of their husbands. There is a scream that can be heard from afar when the word submit hits some wives and understandably so. Some husbands have taken leadership for rulership and wives are rebelling. Just the same, some wives are left to lead because husbands have ran away just as Elijah ran away from Jezebel. There are also situations where both husband and wife have abandoned their roles in the marriage even while in the marriage relationship, causing a domino effect of disaster after disaster.

Either of the above reversal order is the beginning of a marriage in reverse that needs a gear shift to get back on track and enjoy a marriage relationship at its best that has been created by God Himself. You can both enjoy each other. Make it an intentional decision to sit together and evaluate your marriage roles. Are you taking the lead as a wife when you should not? What is the cause? Are you abandoning your leadership role as a husband and find yourself submitting to your wife all the time? What is the cause? Talk about these issues in a loving way and do all you can to reverse this trend and enjoy the best marriage you can ever have. Huddle up and live!

About The Author

Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies.  He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God.  Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image.  Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.

Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife, Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a radio talk show reaching all over the world.   He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh.   His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.  Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has led him.  Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family.  He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart.  His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.

Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families.

Read all our marriage articles on

Visit the Marriage Vantage Point website for great resources to help you and your spouse.

Listen to our weekly podcasts.

Photo – Deposit Photos