Some Things A Jamaican Will Never Do – Joke

Mi deh yah ah tink an realize seh Jamaican people dem different yuh nuh? Mi love dem … still dere are some tings yuh woulda neva see wi a do, hear seh wi do or even attempt fi try it.

Tek fahr instance …
Yuh eva see Jamaicans a climb mountain wid flag and claim victory when dem reach de top?

Yuh eva see we ah hang out inna di miggle ah di Amazon jungle? Fi wah reason???

you ever see we a jump outta plane wid one parachute or a boast seh we going bungee jumping next Sunday??

Yuh eva see we inna sea, bout we looking fi di Great White Shark, No sah – wi watch it pon TV.

Yuh eva hear a Jamaican in ah Search & Rescue pan mountain. A mi sen dem up pon di mountain? Dem find dem self way up and dem fe find dem way back again. Idiat dem! A nature way fe feed de weak and hungry animal up deh!

Yuh eva see a Jamaican acting pon big screen going into a haunted house and asking … Trevah you in deh?” If him foolish enuf fi go ina di haunted house him an di duppy dem can tan in deh.

Yuh eva hear a Jamaican man seh … “no honey … no need to cook rice and peas wid oxtail and a little chicken pon a Sunday … mek wi eat a light salad instead.” Try yuh best … not pon yu life.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican come a work an tell everybody dem bizniz … how dem neva bade dis mawnin, jus Brush teet and wash face.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican wey luv talk over people food put dem face inna it an sey dat looks and smell good? No sah! Dat wi cause fight.
Yuh eva see a Jamaican go inna di company fridge and go tek weh sombady sangwige and nyam it off?

Yuh eva hear Jamaican pickney tell dem madda fi shut up and di Madda go tek seat inna kitchen, tek out cigarette start smoke and seh she nuh know wah fi do wid di pickney? No. One bax crass him face fi sure. An if dem live inna farign dem sen dem to Jamaica fi di summer and den di odder relatives fix dem bizniz and dem go back wid mannaz.
Yuh eva see Jamaican tek meat outta fridge and stick it inna oven widout lickle seasoning?
Yuh eva hear Jamaican inna di work place ah talk bout how much time him wife mek him sleep pon di couch? Crazy ting dat, cause even if she shut di door she expect him fi kick it open.

Mi neva hear a Jamaican seh dem woulda put dem parents inna retirement home dan mek dem live wid dem. (except fi some who migrate to foreign country).
Yuh eva see Jamaican people a cook and dem stir di pot, taste di food and put di same spoon right back inna di pot an nuh wash it off???

Yuh eva si a Jamaican have dem dog a lick dem face? Yuh mad? Yuh eva see yawd people have dem dog sleep inna di same bed wid dem? Or dawg inna di couch and when dawg get up dem go lay down innna di same couch inna di same spat?

Yuh eva see yawd people kiss dem dawg pon di mout? Yuh eva hear seh yawd people tek 5 days off from work because dem puss dead?

Yuh eva hear a Jamaican madda innna a store a tell dem pickney “no sweetheart, you can’t have that, please put it back on the shelf” Instead, yuh will hear someting like dis … “lissen yah pickney, mi nah walk a street an pick up money, put dung di blassted sweetie dem an no badda mi peace tiday, yuh hear mi”?
Yuh eva see Jamaican do any wuk afta dem get pay pon Friday. All di manager dem a play domino round a back, not to mention ludo and draft.

We a Jamaican … ah suh wi d’weet.

Wi nuh normal .. wi well different from all odda peoples ! A so di ting set. A so di ting stay

About the author

Cheryl Bernard