Commentary Jamaica Magazine

Dem allow Donkey pan plane now?

Written by Ray Damdar

‘Jamaica is diversifying its export products.’

‘More than 50% of the cocaine available in Britain’s streets is said to come from Jamaica, while up to 10% of passengers on planes between Jamaica and the UK are said to be drug “mules”.’
‘There was a very recent article in the Daily Mail which said that one passenger in 10 will have as many as a hundred packets of cocaine hidden inside them.’

As if Jamaicans didn’t have enough stereotypes and bad press to deal wid already. It’s not enough that we’re illegal/weed smoking/swinging from coconut tree /dreadlocked/’no problem Mon’/bobsledding folk. We cyan now hadd cocaine mules to dat list. An yuh wonda why de Brits now require us to apply fi a Visa to go to Hengland ?!? Cause of exactly dis kinda Harse Dead and Cow Fat in the headlines.

First of all, anyting dat Jamaicans do is twisted and magnified (almost as bad as de Sherwin Hyperbole) by de foreign press and dat doesn’t make it easier on us. For instance couple years ago at de Olympics wi saw headlines blaring: ‘Canadian based sprinter Ben Johnson won the 100 Meter dash and is now the fastest man in the world’, but when de dolly house mash up it den resounds ‘Jamaican born runner Ben Johnson tests positive for steroids and will be denied his medal’. The media has made it evident to the First World dat we have a history of being at de front of de line (obviously thru skipping) when it comes to bandulu business (a reputation which I feel is partly deserving).

‘Many secrete substances like cocaine by swallowing it or inserting it into body orifices (which explains the soubriquet, “stuffers and swallowers”). ‘

‘Condoms and latex gloves are some of the means used to wrap the drug before it is swallowed.’

Bounty Killa sey:”Born as a stuffer-or, survive as a stuffer-orr, know sey..…in de Ghetto as a stuffer-or”

Now it’s actually kinda a funny to hear about de ways dese people smuggle coke into de UK. I’m sure dat most of you cyan rememba all de ways that Yardman have smuggled weed into Merica in de past (e.g.hiding it in calabash purse dat Rasta mek).But dey have taken dis ting to a new height. Let mi ask de Cocaine users in the UK something. Mista Snorter, if de mule swallow de cocaine..den how yuh tink dem a go get it outta dem system. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not a C-section. It’s eida thru vomiting or de odda end….either way; dat is what you are enhaling through your nose…Nasty brute !!! The other piece of advise is for my fellow Jamaicans ..Unno should stop use condom to hexport jugs; use it for de right reason and stop ave pickney and babymadda all ova de place.

I can see it now, arriving at Heathrow in England from Norman Manley Airport and waiting in the custom lines. The customs clerks politely says (in the most proper British accent) “ Did you pack all your bags by yourself today Sir? Did you leave your bags unattended at any time? Did you swallow any cocaine wrapped in condoms before the flight today Sir?

‘Every kilo smuggled into the country has a street value of up to £125,000 – a mark-up of around £100,000 on the wholesale value.’

‘There is also the grinding poverty of Kingston which drives many people to look for a cash solution to their problems: they can earn around £3,000 for a successful smuggling trip to London.’

Seriously people, dats a lot of money!! The US dollar has lost a lot of strength against the British pound in the last year and apparently they are also losing in other markets against the Brits as well. aka. the price per snort/kilo of cocaine. (Bush tek de US economy fi a poppy show)

I think dat dis Mule ting is so profitable dat de Jamaican Government may start hiring dere own donkeys. Think about it; wid a couple of runs back and forth to Briton dey could clear up de National Debt and have a couple of extra dollas to pocket demselves. I could see Omar Davies carefully cutting out equal portions, Portia Simpson wrapping dem up in de condoms and PJ stuffing dem down the poor women’s throats.

There is said to be a particular problem at Heathrow Terminal Three.’

‘Equally, the number of Jamaicans stopped from entering the UK is already higher than for any other Commonwealth country and any suspicion of a “witch-hunt” would lead to cries of racism.’

So what dat mean fi a ute like me dat work fi a honest living. Bear stress at de British borda!! Ligit Jumaican travelers will be over aggressively scrutinized (strip searched). Nex ting dem ask yuh fi do a blood test before yuh go pan de plane. As if a don’t get molested enough in the airport already. Yuh see, a hindian-man like me always end up being picked for all the of de ‘random’ searches in the airport because 19 odda coolies named Mohammed decide to fly into de Twin Towers and de Pentagon. On top of dat, when dem see mi Jumaican passport.…More Stress!!!. Sometimes I feel like an over worked sketel from de streets of New Kingston.

De point is dat de innocent will have to wait and surely suffa when de hathorities come up wid new screening & security processes to combat de amount of donkeys carrying Coke on de plane to de UK and other international markets.

About the Writer
Ray Damdar is a yardie from Kingston and a graduate of Campion College graduate. He resides in Hartford, Connecticut. He loves em boil banana on bully beef.

Article Excerpts taken from BBC News ‘ Life of a Drug Mule’ Courtesy of de CmanTimes ©

About the author

Ray Damdar