Culture

12 Things Only Jamaicans Who Live Far From Kingston Know

12 Things Only Jamaicans Who Live Far From Kingston Know
Written by Natalie Reid

Despite the fact that we have been labeled as the “murder capital of the world”, the fact is that the vast majority of Jamaicans are hard-working, industrious people who get up every day and go to work and contribute positively to the development of the country. This is even more true for those persons who live fur because lawd knows travelling from places like Clarendon, Old Harbour to Kingston etc every single day nuh easy. So if you are one of those persons who travel a significant distance to work on a daily basis, here are a couple things that only you know.

1. You have to go to bed early because yuh gwine to get up before dawg fraid

It’s a cardinal rule, early to bed, early to rise. Nowhere is this more true than for those Jamaicans who endure the daily commute into Kingston. Getting enough sleep is crucial so as to avoid a wicked sleep hangover the next day.

2. It’s always good to have a spare piece/set of clothes handy in case yuh notice something wrong when mawning light.

The fact is yuh don’t have time to look inna no mirror!!! What with getting breakfast ready, getting the kids and yourself ready, who has time for seemingly insignificant things as this? What if yuh tek di time to look in di mirror and di one straight bus into Kingston miss yuh????

3. If you drive, yuh need to have a house in Kingston to finish getting dressed.

So yuh leave d yard inna nice work clothes, but yuh foot nuh lotion and yuh hair no comb. This really only applies to those who drive and have the luxury to leave the yaad half-dressed. Mind you, you are not completely free from scrutiny because surely di people dem dat pass yuh a mawning time while yuh locking yuh gate look pan yuh salt foot an yuh koir macka hair and wonda bout yuh.

4. Your car or the public transportation becomes your dining table.

The luxury of eating around a table is reserved for the weekends. During the week, your breakfast is packed and if you drive, you eat in the car or some persons on di bus (of course they have to put up wid d people dem who going to cuss dem for smelling up d bus wid d nice food). Otherwise, breakfast is had at work since yuh reach early anyway.

5. If yuh mek 5’o clock ketch yuh a town…..dawg nyam yuh suppa.

Many a person gets gittery during that meeting or engagement that is creeping closer to four o’clock as the witching hour draws nigh. Everyone knows that if yuh don’t ketch outta Six Miles by five o’clock, dis as cheap yuh stay a town till 9 o’clock when d traffic run off.

6. Yuh don’t know what yuh house really look like until weekend.

Truth is, yuh lef yuh yard at night and come home back at night. Consequently, when you see what your house really looks like in the day, some are surprised.

7. It’s no longer Sunday-Monday, but also Tuesday-Wednesday/Thursday-Friday.

Getting up at four every morning and coming back home between six and seven does not afford you the luxury of cooking every day. So the most prudent thing is to cook dinner for two or three days at a time.

8. The last thing you want to do on a weekend is leave your house.

Once the weekend comes, all you want to do is stay home. Even a simple thing as going to the market becomes a chore. You find yourself making excuses for not going on the road.

9. The distance travelling back home after a night of fun, spoils all the enjoyment.

This is such a bummer, you party into the wee hours of the morning and you’ve had some wicked fun only to be faced with the prospect of driving for between one to two hours to get home. This just robs you of all the likkle fun you just had. A good strategy is to have a friend’s house in Kingston to crash till a mawning.
10. You count the hours of sleep you get when you finally turn in.

Lawks, the joy of getting seven much more eight hours sleeps has such a delirious effect. Knowing that you will be getting up early doesn’t seem so bad when you can get a full night’s sleep. So when you set the alarm and you see that you are in for anything over five hours………………joy!!!!!

11. You hate getting up to pee in di middle of the night

Sas crise…this is the worst. Clearly, you can’t win against mother nature so you know you have to get up, but you try to hold out for as long as you can until the discomfort becomes unbearable. But as soon as you get back in bed…the alarm goes off….cho!!!!

12. Yuh have to leave di yaad at di same time every mawning

Everything must operate like clockwork. You develop systems and procedures to maximize efficiency because any little shift in time spells doom. Just a mere five minutes sets you back hours as the traffic builds up along the major thoroughfare and you get more and more miserable as each minute passes.

About the author

Natalie Reid