Chiff-Club – Country Gal A Foreign

Yuh see when me use to go a school a Guinep Hill, me use to love join Chiff-Club, yuh know. A when me big-big me find out say is Thrift Club it name, dat is, it teaching you to be thrifty as in save up yuh money an no go spend it every minute a Missa Chin shop a buy Icy-mint an cigarette bubble-gum an Tutti-Fruitti an aerated water. Fi mi breddah Frankie did tink seh when mama give him money fi Chiff-Club dat simply mean seh him fi head fi shop an mek Missa Chin a richer man.

Dat deh time mama join and granny she every Monday mawning use to pull out har kerchief outa har bosom an unwrap har riches gi me fi gi teacher fi put eena Chiff Club fi har. An when di Chiff-Club done, heh, yuh pocket it heavy so til. Di ongly person wha nevah have money a Frankie. An him siddung a look pon yuh like any lappie dog for him nuh got nuttin fi spend. Hear him:

“Memba me did gi yuh piece a mi Tutti-Fruitti.”

I was abased. For when it come to Tutti-Fruitti, my breddah don’t share. Anyway, chile,di odda day me go eena one a dese Foreign bank say me ago open account for dem a offa free everyting an through nutting naah gi way free again an plus yuh get gift wid it, me decide fi go check it out. When me look, who behind di counter? Nuh one a mi long time Guinep Hill teacha wha use to tek Chiff-Club money til finally she feel seh a fi har and decide fi leave Guinep Hill wid it all eena har pocket, never to be seen again.

Massi, ma, it was a weeping an mourning eena Guinep Hill dat deh holiday. For mama did done go a Courts go pick out di dinette set she want and granny did go trust up material fi mek frock fi some long lost relative wedding celebration. An me? Hmmm, ah chile, I did plan some plan wid my riches, yuh see. For me did see one dolly eena Woolworth and one dollyhouse set wha me know just mek fi me. Di dolly did slim like me (wink-wink) wid one lickle bit a waistline like me (wink-double-wink) and dere was all dese clothese dat yuh can change har into as yuh please. Me was tired a making cardboard and cloth dolly, man. So me tell yuh, ma, me heart was grieved an abased dat deh holiday. All granny she a do a siddung an sing ‘Rock of Ages cleft for me’.Ah, chile, ah tell yuh, when ah see di ooman eena dis Foreign bank, ah just wheel out for tief from me once, yuh naah tief twice, so mama say. No sah, me naah give har no second chance eena dis yah Foreign.