Kept Woman – October 1997

Kept Women – Patois Translation

“So shall you share all that he possess, By having him, Making yourself no less. -Romeo & Juliet, William Shakespeare


Yu mus a wander by nung ow mi seem soh verse pan di relationship business, well nat ongle dat mi ave one helleva experience, but mi read nuff, people tell mi nuff and mi si nuff. In life yu meet all type a people, som lukking, som sharing and som stand alone. Fi di mose part, people luv companionship and all som ooman a chat, dem tired a di independence business. Yu all may well know sey nuff ooman want fi ave dem cake han eat it, and certain lifestyle mus lib.

Bills fi pay, car han gas fi buy. Grocery, light, water, telephone, cable and cellular payment gone sky high. It jus too nuff. Ow dem expec one ooman fi pay all a dat. Likkle elp mus get. Besides, fus time, historically, man was di provider. The early caveman, fool fool as im was, use fi go out, hunt, kill and bring bak fi im cavewooman, while shi stay in, clean and cuk. Wat a life. But as yu can si fi yu self, man ave lost dere unting skills han God know wat else, wile oomen came tu dere own bun dem bra han demanded equality. Nung di social order is up-ended and men fear dem status. Women ave rise up han a ole big post ina di organization, tun bass han a giv arders and ave male secretaries too. Wat a lilfe een. Di table turn, nung di unter ave bicome di hunted.

But nung di ooman dem a realise sey all di independence business and ooman’s lib ting put certain tings at stake and bisides it too ard fi maintain di new arder. Life too ard many sey, ” go out han unt and kill fi mi again. Bring ome di game, me will cuk it. Mi lang fi ave yu bak on tap, di wurk is too ard”.

So gud people, many ooman ave thrown in di towell and diside fi bicome a “kept woman”. After all if much easier fi ave some one tek care af ting fi yu. It much easier fi ave smaddy tek care af di bills, fi ave a car widout di monthly payment, a apartment widout di rent fi pay, Fridge stack up and a VISA caard wid “my honey” print pan it.

Memba “Waiting to Exhale” wen mi girl luk pan di ugly man han im di luk quite hansome ina fi har eyes far shi was desperate?, well a soh it go fi dese kept women, as lang a di man packet lang, nung care ow ugly im luk, shi just tek a hard swallow and get aan tu bigger business. Im mek mi a wear expensive perfume, clothes, boot and criss car.

It soh bad dat som maders encourage dem girl pickney fi get invalve wid big man bifore di time. Afta all “man fi let aaff, far if dem waan dey wid yu dem afi lef aaf”. As Janet Jackson sing sey, ” No romance without finance,aint nutten goin on but di rent” . But, alas, all gud tings mus cum tu an en” and dus, dem ooman ya move fram one Sugar dadday to di nex. Yes mi chile, soon di persian rug get pull fram under di feet af dem kep oomen and den di dolly ouse mash up. More dan likely, dem afi fine a nex man fi kip up di maintainance, while adders move bak ome wid mammy as di Bimma, di apartment, and di Visa cards ave nung bin taken over by dem successor. Wat a mix up han blenda.As Bob Marley did sing ina im famous song of Comin’ from de Cold ” wen one door is closed, many more are open”. Jus las week one af mi girl fren, being a kep ooman har self, tell mi sey shi waan di ouse nex, far im elp har bill one dung a country, but dat a fi har own, shi waan im fi buy har an apartment fi har self.

Nung a days ooman nung waan noh man wey caan manage, dem nuh waan nuh ard life, soh if di man nuh ave nutten, noh badda luk pan dem. If dem nuh setup ina life dem can jus luk di adder way. Poor ole fashion mi! As soh di gal dem flash dem self in front a di man dem face, a soh dem tek dem up. Nung wat is di profile of dese men, well di profile is dat of a juggler who able fi keep two belles suspended in air at di same time, han flash money. for som reason dem able fi attract dese ooman, like bees tu honey, brinks tu money. Dem man ya nuh ave no name, dem goh by di aliases, Sugar Daddy, Mi Brink, or even, My Honey. Luk arround yu people, luk pan di pare a people wey couple up, one luk like Beauty and di nex worse dan di Beast.

Im pan di odder and, short an tumpa lak a guinea pig, belly a ang over all mose reach im knee, breath lak a pit tilet, yu can bearly tek di nex breath. Yu eva axe yu self ow som couples cum fi be tugether? han don’t talk bout luv, far love may bline, but no dumb, deaf han fool fool tu!, tink bout it. But don’t grudge dese man, far as fase as dem loose di jugglings, di financing flow, luk ow fase dem loose di wuk!. One man axe fi im kept woman if shi would still luv im if im loose all im money, ear han ting, fi har reply was ” sure honey, but I would miss you more. More time, walk gud mi chile….

Kept Women – Standard English Translation

You must be wondering by now at my obvious expertise on relationships, but, apart from the fact that I had one hell of an experience, I also read alot, hear a lot and seen a lot. In life you also meet all kinds of people, some looking for a mate, some sharing and others remain alone. For the most part, people crave companionship and all some women fuss, they know within themself that they are tired of being so independent. They would like to be pampered and “have their cake and eat it” also, a certain lifestyle must be maintained.

Bills to pay, can and gas to be bought. Grocery, light, water, telephone, cable and cellular payments have gone sky high, this just too much!. How do they expect one woman to pay all that. Some help must be sought. Besides, first time, historically, man was the provider, The early cave man, silly as he was, use to go out, hunt, kill and take home for his cavewoman, while she stay in to clean and cook. What a life eh!. But as is evident, men have lost their hunting skills and God knows what else! while women have come into their own, burnt their bras and demanded equality. Now the social order is up-ended and men now fear their status, or do they? Women have risen up and are holding their own, heading organizations, turning bosses, issuing orders and having male secretaries too!. What a life eh! the tables have now turned, the hunter have now become the hunted.

But alas! women have now realized that all this independence business and women’s liberation has put certain things at stake and besides, its too hard to maintain the new order. Life is too hard many women say, ” go out and hunt and kill for me again, bring home the game, I will cook it”. ” I long for you to be on top again, the work is too hard”.

So good people, many women have thrown in the towel and decide to become a “kept woman “. After all, it is so much easier to have some on to take care of things for you. Its much easier to have somebody to take care of the bills, to have the car without the monthly payments, an apartment without the rent to pay, a refrigerator well stocked, and a VISA card with “my honey” printed on it.

Do you remember “Waiting to Exhale” where my girl looked at the ugly man and he appeared to be handsome in her eyes because she was so desperate? well it is so with these “kept women ” as long as the man has money, it doesn’t matter how ugly he looks, she just take a hard swallow and get on with bigger business. He has afforded me expensive perfumes, clothes, shoes and a crisp car.

The situation is so bad that some mothers encourage their girl children to get involved with mature men before they are quite ready to handle relationships. After all the mothers say “men must be made to pay”. As Janet Jackson sing in one of her songs ” No romance without finance, ain’t nothing goin’ on but the rent”. But alas! all good things must come to an end, and this is how these women move from one Sugar Daddy to the next. Yes! my child, soon the Persian rug get pulled from under their feet, and the “dolly house” gets destroyed. More than likely, some of these kept women have to find another man to keep up the life style, while others move back home with mummy, as the BMW, the apartment, and the Visa cards have now been taken over by their successor. “What a mix up and blender” as Bob Marley sang in his famous songs ” Comin” from the Cold” “when one door is closed, many more are opened” Just last week a girl friend of mine, being a kept woman herself, told me that she wanted the house next, as the one he helped to build in the country is for family, she wants to have and apartment of her own.

These days, women are not willing to take a man who is unable to manage, but of course, there is always the exception to the rule. Women are tired of the hard life, so if the man is unable to support her financially, don’t even bother to look their way. If they are not established in life they can just look the other way. Poor old fashion me . That’s how these women flaunt themselves in front of men’s face and it works every time, so they flaunt, so the men fall prey. Now what is the profile of these men, well, they have to be jugglers who are able to keep more than tow belles suspended in air at the same time. For some reason they are able to attract these women like “bees to honey, like brinks to money” These men are not usually called by name, they go by these aliases, Sugar Daddy, My Brinks, or even My Honey. Look around you people, look at the couples, one is sometimes beauty and the other, the other, uglier than the beast.

He on the other hand, is short and stocky like a guinea pig, belly do big and long almost reaching his knee, breath like a pit, you can hardly take your next breath. Have you ever asked yourself how some couples come to be together, and don’t talk to me about love, because love is blind, but its not deaf and stupid too!!, think about it!. But don’t grudge the men, because as fast as they loose their ability to juggle, and the flow of the financing, is as fast as they loose the work. One man has asked his kept woman if she would still love him if he lost all his money, hair and everything. Her reply was “sure honey, but I would miss you more”. Walk good my child….