Advice & Help

Oh to be single again…then again – How Fefe See It

Sometimes I can’t help but feel reminiscent of the good old dating days.  I won’t lie to you, sometimes the old funk of marriage gets so mundane that you wish you had the little oohs and awws of dating once again. If you are not too careful a five year marriage can end up feeling as if you are heading towards the fiftieth anniversary.  Now, I am certain there is an older woman out there saying “girl what you talking about? My husband and I still have it going on.”  To that I would respond “good for you, now go sit down while I talk about the average married woman.”  I know there are ladies out there who can attest to what I am saying. Those of us whose marriage has become so routine that you can’t help but wish you had a hot date this weekend.
A friend and I were riding home on the train one Friday and we somehow started to chat it up with two young men. One in a committed relationship that was headed towards marriage and the other heading towards his first date. Their stories though quite different had a certain similarity in it that had me longing for those days.  I don’t know what it is; maybe it’s the unknown of the dating world that carries such an attractive package. I can only imagine the girls on the other side of these relationships. A college student preparing for the first of many dates, the exhilaration that is felt as you pick and choose the perfect outfit. The butterflies that crowd your stomach as you anxiously await the arrival of your date. The countless wondering that takes place: “I wonder where we will go” “Will he be the perfect gentleman?” “Will he end the night with a kiss?”  All her concerns would seem so trivial compared to the thoughts of the girl on the other side of the next gentleman. Her thoughts I assume would be more serious, she no longer contemplates if he likes her or if he will be the perfect date. She knows these things. Her quandary is “does he really want to marry me” “Why hasn’t he proposed yet?” “Will he make a good father?” “To damn about a father, will he be a good husband/provider?”

As my mind volleys between the thoughts of these two different women in the dating world suddenly it hit me… I really don’t want to be either of them. Been there- done that.  I have been the girl who anxiously awaits the first date and today I prefer to wait to hear whether or not we will even have a date. Married moms you know what I mean, we have to make sure we have a babysitter covered and debate over what we feel like eating and where we feel like going. By the time we have this all figured out its jolly well time to go to bed and date night was just a thought on the train when the little green eye monster snuck out.  There are times I get jealous of those couples like I told you before I won’t lie. However majority of the times I am grateful for the certainty of marriage. I know what to expect and what not to expect. I am sure it happens to everyone on either side of the coin; you see someone and you can’t help but feel envious of what they have or what you “think” they have that is. You just wish you were in their shoe.  At the end of the day we all just need to be contented with what we have and make the best of our situation until God catapults us to the next stage or in my case the next date.

You Asked…

I seem to be in a rut and can’t find a worthy date, a few of my friends have had success with online dating but I am very hesitant. What do you think? Should I bite the bullet and sign up? Cherise

I Answered…

Hi Cherise, I think you should certainly take a step on the “wild” side. That of course is a joke, online dating is no crazier than the lunatics we meet at a bar or even in church sadly. More and more people are resorting to online dating because it’s more accessible. I understand the safety concerns but that’s why you should take the necessary precautions. E-mail- then text- then phone, once you are comfortable enough then you can consider meeting the person face to face.  I would suggest that you try one of the free websites first and whatever you do don’t expect to find Mr. Right on the first click. One last thing, don’t buy into the myth that only perverts or desperados are searching for love on the web, perverts and desperados are everywhere!

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