Advice & Help

How to be Vulnerable

Fear of the unknown creates a rigid, tight-fisted hold on our lives.   Not knowing what may be on the other side of the wall is very unnerving. It is easier to be content and comfortable with the known than to put ourselves at risk of feeling discomfort with the unknown.   There are several possibilities that cause us as individuals to fear vulnerability. Repressed childhood issues that may not have been dealt with are finding their way into our adult lives.  

The fear of being hurt, the fear of being left behind, the fear of looking or feeling stupid and the fear of what others may think all result in the fear of being vulnerable. If we think of children, they are very vulnerable. They do not yet possess the tools to make their own decisions. They are dependent on adults to make every decision for them. Children also know that if they don’t follow the rules, they will be punished. Therefore, it is necessary for adults to provide safe, nurturing, and protective environments for children to grow up to be well-adjusted adults. But that is not always the case. When children are raised by insecure and not so well-adjusted adults, these children often times grow up to be insecure and not so well adjusted adults. 

Faced with the pressures of daily life, stressful jobs, paying our bills, and the added bit of being scared little children hiding inside an adult body, we quickly develop a very thick outer layer which hides what we are really feeling on the inside. While men and women express emotions differently they all experience vulnerability regardless of where it is coming from. In order to help our mates feel more comfortable to open up, it is important to understand their background. This includes family dynamics, childhood issues, and past relationships. If you are in a relationship or you are about to enter one, the best way to help our partner be comfortable with his or her vulnerability is to provide an environment that fosters acceptance of each other. Having a genuine care for each other as human beings we can then help each other to feel more comfortable opening up.

So if our fear of being vulnerable is a by-product of our past issues, how then do we as adults overcome them and allow ourselves to be vulnerable? What we resist persists. So the first thing to do is face our fears and we do this by:

  • Acknowledge your feelings. Denying what we feel only fuels our fear of being vulnerable.
  • Let go of the fear of being vulnerable.
  • Know, feel and believe that whatever happens, even if we do get hurt, that we can not only handle it but that we will also get through it.
  • Misery loves company. So we should be around people who encourages us and allows us to feel good about ourselves.   If we associate with people who are also fearful and are not being proactive in developing themselves, we will not grow out of our fears.
  • Accept and love ourselves for who we are and seek validation from within.
  • Let go and trust ourselves. That is all we need to do to be vulnerable.

Trudy-Ann Simone, founder of Create Your Passion Enterprise, Creative Life Coach and Author, makes it easy for you to discover how you too can quickly discover your true potential by using who you fundamentally are to create your passion.  To learn more sign up for her monthly newsletter on: or join her social network where you can participate in her exclusive discussions at:

About the author