Jamaican Joke – Diary Of A Jamaican Who Just Moved To South Dakota, USA

October 8th
We have arrived in America!!! Finally!!! This marks a new chapter in our lives. It’s very nice here. It’s a little cool, but who needs HOT weather?

This is perfect, not too hot, not too cold.

October 15th
It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some sweaters today and went for a short walk. Loving America!!! This is what life’s about.

October 30th
The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so cold air cannot creep in… Outside may be cold, but it feels like Jamaica in this house.

November 11th
The news reports say snow is on the way… we cannot wait!!! We have never seen snow and
it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first time.

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife cooked buttered buns and we sat by the window watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. Could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!!!

November 15th
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snow plow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shovelled again. Americans are so friendly!

November 18th
It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees. The cold weather is not so bad… we can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

November 19th
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tires for both cars. slipped and fell on my “batty” in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected

November 20th
Still cold. Sold my wife’s BMW and bought a 4×4 in order to get to work.

November 21st
On my way to work, the 4×4 skidded into the guardrail and did considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white s@!! last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. Di damn snowplow man do him job again. Watch me an’him!

November 22nd
Blouse and skirt… the first heating bill just come! A how the hell it come to so much???

November 30th
A two frigging degrees out a door! And more rahtid snow de pon de way. Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage. De power off most of the night.

Wi try to keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater, but the heater tip over an’ nearly bun dung the r#@@## house. Mi manage to put out the flames, but end up wid second degree
burns pan mi hands, bun off mi yeyebrow and yeyelash dem. Den de car slide on the white s@!%% (again!) on the way to the hospital and wi haffi write it off.

December 5th
Rahtid… dis snow yah nuh out fi stop??? Di ting keeps coming down! Mi affi put on all a di clothes wey mi own just fi go out to di damn mailbox. If I ever catch the bitch wey drive di rahtid snow-plow yuh see, I gwine mek him mumma feel it. Me really think sey ‘im hide round di corner and wait ’til me finish shovel, den come down the street fast, fast and cover up wi driveway again. Wicked nuh blow wow!!!

December 10th
The power still off. The toilette freeze up!, and some part a di roof look like it out fi cave in.

December 15th
Eleven more **&&##$$ inches a snow an’ice!!!!!!!!!! Jah know…dis no right. I damaged di snowplow wid di pick ax, but di lucky driva manige fi get weh. De $(@*$&!

December 16th
The wife took off and left me.

December 18th
The r&@# car won’t start and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind. Mi caan feel mi toe dem and mi nuh see the $@###$%^& sun fi weeks!!!! An’ guess wha? The weatherman ah predict more snow!!!! Good fi *&%% him. The wind chill is %$&*^ degrees below zero!!

December 22nd
Me a move back to Jamaica tideh tideh! ‘Cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!! If mi can ketch a flight, at least mi will reach just in time fi Christmas dung a yard.

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