Jamaican Jokes: Do you know me?

Jamaican lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they’re not prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,

“Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes of course me know you! Mr. Williams. Me know you since you was a pickney, and wata big disappointment you is to you family.You tell too much lie, you cheat pan your wife, you chat people and red-eye behind dem back. You tink you is a big shot now but you no realize seh you will never be more dan a two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know you alright!!”

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why yes, me know Mr. Bradley since him was a lickle bwoy too. Him lazy, and good fe nothing, him always a cuss, and him always a gwan like him betta dan heverybady. Him cyant build a normal relationship with nobody. Fe him law practice a di wos ina Jamaica. He cheat, him teef, noting no deh devious what him nuh do. A three different woman me hear seh him ave and one of dem a you missis! Yes sah, me know him well.” The defense attorney almost died of embarrassment.

The judge ordered both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, me lock up uno bahine ina jail fi contempt!.”