It should be good to be you! So why are women so incredibly self-critical? Why do we focus so much on our insecurities? Half the time the things we are insecure about nobody else even notices.I doubt anyone notices the tiny skin tag under my right armpit. But I used to be so insecure about this. I’d obsess over it. I’d have nightmares that it would grow into a huge rhinoceros sized skin tag with eyes and a mouth and start saying “Hey look at me” to every person I passed on the street. I was afraid I would meet a great guy and once it started talking to him he’d be so grossed out he would never speak to me again. I hated wearing tank tops. Let’s be real, a lot of our insecurities these days stem from wanting to live up to socially constructed standards of beauty, and more specifically those that we believe are desirable to men. Tina Faye was right on when she said,
“Every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dancehall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine year old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits.”
Barbie eat your heart out not even you have that! The truth is, no ones perfect. Insecurities can make us so much less confident we lose sight of the kind of love we deserve; they affect our self worth and our relationships. So what do men really think about insecure women? What do they really think about us, and our imperfections? What advice might they have for insecure women? I caught up with some of Jamaica’s entertainers, Global Bob, Motion, and Leftside to see what they had to say, as well as some other successful men to get the scoop!
Guess what? So it sounds like men love and appreciate us for whom we are regardless of our flaws. They are willing to help build our confidence and self esteem, but being overly insecure is unattractive and seen as a flaw in itself. To men, confidence is a beautiful and attractive thing. They do not want a plastic Barbie doll after all, they want a real woman, and being a woman comes with imperfections. I always tell other women and young girls, you are a masterpiece; don’t insult God’s creation. When you start loving yourself with that understanding, all those little things you are insecure about become less significant. Beyonce sings, “Some call it arrogance, I call it confidence. You decide when you find out what I’m working with.” In her song “Ego.” I love those lyrics. I’m what I’m working with! You can decide if you like, if you don’t oh well! I’m still hot! If a man doesn’t want to love me because of my skin tag, well he doesn’t know what he’s missing!
About the Author:
Ms Betty Lou, aka Elizabeth A Hylton, is a Jamaican-American writer, actress, and clinical nurse specialist hailing from Massachusetts. She has a passion for advocating women’s rights and fostering a Caribbean community that values strong women. She’s a lover of Chance by Chanel perfume, east Indian mangos, good jokes, and all things artsy! You can find her on Twitter @MsBettyLou.