Imagine a Rastaman going on an interview with a Bank. Here are the questions and his Interpretation:
Name: Bobo Dread Amaka Baka Fari
Age – I man noh count birtday
Date of Birth – Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings deh man
Address – Uppa di Hills a Wesmorlan
Tel. No. – I man Doan participate ina di Bablyon system
Marital Status Single Married No. of Children – I an I hav nuff comman law wif an 21 likkle soljas a run bout roun di island
Occupation: Sell Jelly coknat pan Spanish town RD and weed outta mi Kitchen winda
Company Name: I man noh kip company yuh noh seeit
Present Position: Mi like di Lizzad lap.postian ..but mi open to any adda positian ..yah noh seet
Average Monthly Income – Depends pan di season and di demans fi di weed.. some time busniss slow an ting
Credit Reference: Mor Fyah! I man noh deal wid credit ..strickly up front dallas a do it
Unsecured Overdraft Limit – Chat English .. a wha di Bloodbaught dat?
Secured Overdraft Limit – Mi sey yuh fi chat English!!
Personal Loan Amount - Tony owe mi bout 40 gran .. a gwine buss im Klaat when a buck im up
Monthly Payment- Ask Tony cause a monts now mi noh si nat a cent fram im
No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding: Yuh def? Mi seh Tony noh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding
Mortgage Loan Amount - Mi noh pay margage fi mi zinc shed..is I man buil dat
Monthly Payment- Yuh com back a ask di same foolishness?
No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding: Is wha do dis ooman dowe eeh? MI SEY TONY NOH PAY MI YET!!
This is interview is over .. Application for Loan Denied
Goh weh!!! ..unu hypocrite an Sadomite unu!
About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and author. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world. She is currently in the process of writing her first book to be released soon.
© J.C. Wright, Springdale, Maryland