A Dread Response – Interview with a Bank

Imagine a Rastaman going on an interview with a Bank. Here are the questions and his Interpretation:

Name:   Bobo Dread Amaka Baka Fari
Age –     I man noh count birtday
Date of Birth – Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings deh man
Address – Uppa di Hills a Wesmorlan
Tel. No. – I man Doan participate ina di Bablyon system

Marital Status Single Married No. of Children – I an I hav nuff comman law wif an 21 likkle soljas a run bout roun di island

Occupation: Sell Jelly coknat pan Spanish town RD and weed outta mi Kitchen winda
Company Name: I man noh kip company yuh noh seeit
Present Position: Mi like di Lizzad lap.postian ..but mi open to any adda positian ..yah noh seet


Average Monthly Income – Depends pan di season and di demans fi di weed.. some time busniss slow an ting
Credit Reference: Mor Fyah! I man noh deal wid credit ..strickly up front dallas a do it
Unsecured Overdraft Limit – Chat English .. a wha di Bloodbaught dat?
Secured Overdraft Limit – Mi sey yuh fi chat English!!
Personal Loan Amount - Tony owe mi bout 40 gran .. a gwine buss im Klaat when a buck im up
Monthly Payment- Ask Tony cause a monts now mi noh si nat a cent fram im 
 No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding: Yuh def? Mi seh Tony noh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding
Mortgage Loan Amount  - Mi noh pay margage fi mi zinc I man buil dat
Monthly Payment-  Yuh com back a ask di same foolishness?
No. of Monthly Payment Outstanding: Is wha do dis ooman dowe eeh? MI SEY TONY NOH PAY MI YET!!

This is interview is over .. Application for Loan Denied
Goh weh!!! ..unu hypocrite an Sadomite unu!

About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and author. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world. She is currently in the process of writing her first book to be released soon.


© J.C. Wright,  Springdale, Maryland

About the author

Joelle "Wendy" Wright

Joelle "Wendy" Cohen Wright is an author of character-driven Jamaican sketch comedy. She developed her love for sketch comedy after enrolling in a speech drama club in a Kingston primary school, where she won countless awards for her theatre performances.

Joelle is fast becoming one of the Caribbean's well-loved comedy writers. With her irrepressible sense of humor and a flair for dramatics, Joelle's writing style has the right comedic timing that is sure to induce laughter through her storytelling abilities in Jamaican patois. Ever the natural comedienne, she adds a fiery jolt of pure comic bliss to her series of characters and hilarious interpretations of Jamaican every day life.

Her first collection of sketches, "A Soh Wi Do It!" was published in 2010 and made rave reviews from readers across the world. The author dedicated the following years to penning the hilarious come backs entitled, "A Soh It Goh!" and "A Soh Dem Gwaan." Joelle holds a post graduate degree from the University of Maryland, University College, MD.