You have been in a relationship for over five years but during that period you only spend quality time with your spouse via telephone, e-mail, instant messaging etc. The fact is Mr. Mention has been living in the USA for the past five years while you have been here in Jamaica. You both communicate every morning and every night and sometimes at noon time. But somehow you still feel lonely and you long for the physical connection with your spouse. Then here comes a Shawn who is kind, caring with similar qualities to your spouse. Interestingly his spouse lives overseas as well. You both “share notes” and before you know it the sharing takes an intimate turn.
A long distance relationship requires a high degree of personal discipline on the part of the parties involved. The temptation to divert one’s attention elsewhere is quite real as there is the feeling that since the partners are so far away from each other any number can play.
Trust must be the hallmark of such an arrangement .Both persons must commit to each other and strive to remain faithful despite the oceans that separate them.
Tips to maintain the long distance relationships:
- Keep the lines of communication open
Whatever mood you are in speak with your spouse as if he/she was right beside you. Be open and honest. Pay close attention to what is said but more so to what is NOT said - Arrange to meet at least twice for the year
Try and get together on special occasions like Christmas and Birthdays. You can alternate the visits to save expense - Send each other gifts
Be creative. A CD with love songs or poetry would be nice - Explore the varied communication tools available
This includes VoIP, instant messaging, and email. Make sure you take advantage of the special promotions that the cell phone providers have for overseas calls - Share your concerns with your spouse
If you are uncomfortable with the state of the relationship let your spouse know. If you are experiencing feelings of loneliness and frustration talk about it and decide the way forward - Be mindful of getting too close to someone you are attracted to
In your vulnerable state the chances of getting involved sexually with someone else is highly possible - Discuss with your partner if it is okay to go on a date with a mutual friend
Establish the tenets of the relationship and decide what is acceptable. - Avoid the temptation of putting a “tail” on your spouse
If you are so insecure in the relationship that you feel the need to subject your spouse to round the clock surveillance by having a friend report to you on a daily basis, it is better if you come home and do it your self - Keep pictures of each other
Maintain a photo album of the fun times spent together. These will bring back memories that can take you through a rough day
Long distance relationships can be successful however both parties must plan to be together as soon as possible as an indefinite period of separation can be harmful to the relationship.
About the Author:
Wayne A. Powell is a human resource professional. You may contact him at [email protected] or at his website.
