Stray Dawgs – Patois Translation
“For every action there is a reaction”
Di same cannat bi said in matters of di hart, far it nat necessarily one equal reaction. Som man wen dem ere ooman sey dem a ole dawg, dem tek offense tu it. But mi dere, a soh we ooman talk all di time an becaue a fi wi experience, we com tu di canclusion dat all man a dawg!. But a put it tu yu, is this always true? Far if wi hanest wid wi self, wi mus agree sey nat all a dem cut haafa di same claat!. But every baddy ave dem own story fi tell.
Most time wen a man han a wooman ina relationship, di fardest ting pan dem mine is fi stray, till afta da six month syndrome dey wey mi did taalk bout a wile bak. In fac, if dem fine sey di ooman cheat pan di relationship, dem cause nuff ruption. Dem prabably beet har up, caal har whore mongst har fren dem, dis har a way!. But di same way man drive ooman fi stray, is di same way omman drive man fi stray.
Before, everyting criss, nuff bashment, nuff sex dan wha gwaan ina motel fi one nite, and nuff luving han niceness, but afta di marriage, yu tink sey a green lizzard dem marrid far di ooman dem change rite infront a dem eye. Afta hunnymoon period, nuff drought tek place dan ina di Sahara desert. “Nat tunite dere, ha ave a erley maaning appintment, han a afi ketch mi sleep. “Nat tunite dere, mi afi spen som time wid di kids, elp dem fi du dem ome wurk. Nat tunite dere, mi ave a headache. Nat tunite dere, is dat time af di month. Di ole familiar excuse af “nat tunite” jus a ring ina di man hase. Can you imagine, one man ave one parrot wey olgle sey three words, “nat tunite dere”. Soh wa yu suggest di poor man du?, go street, den yu ere sey im a ole dawg?, han all man bad. Action, han reaction, ar more likely, di lack af action equals reaction. Far dat same reason, plenty man approach dem ooman, wid a drink a waata ina one han, an apririn in di adda.
Now!, don’t try fi pictcha my size, but wi sticking wid di facts ere. In terms a poundage, kilo and tonnage, every man ave dem preference. Wi ave some sang dung ya wey some people dejay and sing Dem go sey “if shi big han fat, I man noh watch dat , if shi small an slim I will jam anyting”, yu ketch mi driff. A nex man sing sey, ” coco cola bakkle shape a it a run di place”, while a nex man dejay sey, “one pound a baddy a noh baddy dat” han so on, as di saying goes “variety is the spice of life”. So Peter marry a slim ting, a shi becomes im worl, few years pass an shi caan get tru di door as shi now twice di size a wey shi was. Ghane are di days wen im use tu lift har an twirl har arround di bed, shi is now twice di woman shi use tu bee, present are di days of cronic backache an inguinal hernia. A nex man marry im plump wife, caause im caan tek di mawganiss, im luv di feel sey im a ole somting in im han. Years pass, shi jine di health an fitness programme, Police afficers club, Richard Slimmonds; oh! a mean Simmonds, Abroller and Mona Dam, han braps!, shi get mawga. Poor man nung!, im wife soh tin as clothes line, an caan get turned on as im neva had a slim ting yet!. Soh aff im go tu Mrs. Lumpy han an affair is bawn.
Religion mek plenty man stray, for him did know har to be a certain way, fun loving han full af lifie han all dat, all af a sudden shi fine religion af one farm ar di adda han cut im out. All af a sudden Parson a run tings. Parson, say no more sex out a marrige, living tugether widout marrige is farnication, even afta ten years and three pickney!. Nuting vibrant dan a new canvert, tings change, no more make up, movies, bashment nar red meat!. Shi becomes a new ooman rite infront a im face. Nung im a fi jine di pack of “stray dawgs” dat out prowling. Rough een.
Di Jamaican culture as mi know it is such dat people ardly marrid, dem liv tugether an caal di union ” commonlaw union”. Wen yu ere a wooman taalk bout har husban, it nat necessarily dat dem marrid but more likely dem a liv tugether fi eres. Life rough een?. Sex is a powerful weapon an nuff ooman know it an use it!. Unlike di “nat tunight bredren mentioned earlier, whose wife jus stap, dis one still enjay im wife, but ongle pan fi har timetable. Som men suffa badly at di han af ooman, far wen lite tun aaf, all di smile wey yu di si in di day, gwaan, it time fi (noh nookie far you tonite) NNFYFN. Soh im stray as sex fram im wife is like a lotto game af chance. Never mine mi chile, every dawg have im day. Walk gud mi chile, nex time wi goh pan di ooman dem side.
Stray Dogs – Standard English Translation
“And now remains, that we find out the cause of this effect. Or rather say, the cause of this defect”
Hamlet 11, 2
Because, for every action there is an opposite reaction. the same cannot be said for matters of the heart. Men at times take offense to women calling them “stray dogs”. But my dear, because of our own experiences, we all at some time have come to the conclusion that all men are “dogs”. So I ask, is this always true?. If we are honest with ourselves, we will agree that not all men behave in the same manner, and there is always the exception to the rule. But as I have pointed out before, everyone has a story to tell.
A lot of time in men and women relationships, the last thing on there minds it to cheat. Until, you remember, the “six months syndrome is over”. In fact, if a man, on any occasion ever finds his woman cheating on him, he would become so angry, and at times abusive, disrespecting her in front of her friends and some time getting physical, he never stops to ask himself why it happened. But, in the same way a man drives a woman to cheat, the same a woman drives a man to cheat.
At the beginning of any relationship, all usually goes smoothly, lots of entertainment, lots of sex, more than what goes on in a motel in one night, everyone is loving and kind. But after marriage, it appears you have married the wrong person, new qualities confront you, you begin to wonder if you have married a “green lizzard”. The person change right in front of your face. After the honeymoon period is over, lots of drought period takes place you begin to wonder if you live in the Sahara Dessert. All you can hear is “not tonight dear” I have an early morning appointment, and have to catch some sleep. Not tonight dear, I have to spend some time with the children, helping them with their homework. Not tonight dear, I have a headache. Not tonight dear, its near that time of the month and a get depressed. The old familiar excuses of “not tonight dear” begins to ring in the man’s ears. Can you imagine, on man owns a parrot that knows only three words “not tonight dear”. So what do you suggest the poor man do?, go to the streets, then you call him an old dog?, and begin to say all men are bad!. Well, action, and reaction, or more likely, the lack of action equals reaction. For that same reason, lots of men approach women with a drink of water in one hand and an aspirin in the other.
Now!, don’t bother trying to picture my size, we are sticking to the facts here!. In terms of “poundage”, kilos and tons, every man has a preference. There are songs in Jamaica which speaks to that fact: “If she is big and fat” I don’t watch that, if she is small and slim, I will “jam” anything”. Then there is one pound of body, is not enough”, but as the saying goes “variety is the spice of life”. So Peter marries a slim woman, she becomes his whole world!. Few years have passed, and she is unable to get through the door as she is now twice the size woman she was. Gone are the days when he use to lift her and twirl her around the bed, she is now twice the size she was and present are the days of chronic backaches and inguinal hernia. Another man marries his plump wife, because he prefers his women with some flesh! because he loves to feel he is holding something in his hand. Years pass and she has decided she is too fat, joins the health and fitness programme, Police Officers Club, Richard Slimmonds, I mean Simmonds, Ab Roller and Mona Dam, and there she goes, she gets slim!. Poor man, his wife is as slim as a clothes line, he cannot be turned on by her anymore, as he has never been with a slim woman yet!. So, off he goes to Mrs. Lumpy and an affair is born.
Religion is the next killer of relationships!, as he knows her to be a certain way, fun loving, full of life and all that. Suddenly, she finds religion of one form or the other and cuts him off. Pason has now taken centre stage!. Pason says “sex before marriage is fornication”. Even after years and three children!?. Nothing more vibrant than a new convert, things begin to change, no more make up, movies, entertainment, or red meat. She has become a new woman right in front of his face. Now he has to join the pack of stray dogs out prowling. Rough eh!.
The Jamaican culture is such that, couples living together are not necessarily in a legal marriage. This term used to describe this situation is ” common-law unions”. So when a woman speaks of her husband, she is not necessarily speaking about her lawful wedded husband. Sex is a powerful weapon, used be some women to win battles or just to make the man pay for his misdeeds. So unlike the not tonight story, its a “no nookie for you tonight” ( NNFYT)story. Some women just stop being with their husbands, while some men still are obliged to enjoy their wives, but only on her time table. So even though you might see a man smiling during the day, at nightfall all that smile is gone and he’s back to the NNFYT, story as sex with his wife is like a lotto game of chance. But never mind, its a “dog eat dog world we are living in.
Walk good mi chile, next time we will be talking about the men.