Better to have loved…-August 1997

Better to have loved and Lost, than not to have Loved at all – Patois Translation

Well, mi dey ya again, talking as usual bout di painful, but essential paat a life, Relationships.

Wi all know sey nutten noh permanent ina dis wurl. Soh knowing dat nung and applying ti to every aspec a yu life is wat is important. Jus like di seasons in nature, every ting unda di sun si ongle far a season, as di Jamaican saying goes, ongle di gud salvation last farever. At som time ina life, man are wooman, wi all tink bout dat ideal relationship han di appily eva after business. Soh tell mi nung, why is it dat wi du som a di ting wey wi du wen relationships bruk up?.

Men an woomen alike, and particula, men, always ole di notion sey dem own yu wen yu an dem ina relationship. Anyway, breaking up noh nice, causen sey nung care ow som might a gwaan like it naa hurt, it drive som people tu suicide, murda, madness and physical damage to body and property. Af late ina Jamaica, wi ave mungst di teenagers dem bout chee case a suicide-murder han couple big people well. Nung, if wi neva gwaan like wi own di adda person in di relationship, tell mi, ould we really attemp fi du all a dem fuleishness dey?.

Nung, di reason som people gi fi breaking up is, dem waant dem space, dem waan fi abstain fram sex, yu nung fit ina dem plans no more, a don’t luv yu anymore, a ave met somone else, han besides, yu and me noh du tings di same way, or somtime dem jus plain frickkle minded.

Wi all know sey wen yu ina wan relationship nuff tings gwaan, som man buy yu furniture, and expec sey yu fi wash, cook, han clean fi dem, adders, bring yu monthly income, smaller dan dem belly, an expec fi com a yu yard fi dem hat dinner, bring over dem clothes fi wash an press pan weeken han any adder duties which may be assigned tu yu. Nung, afta all a dat han some, di wooman dem put out demself and mek sure sey di man luk good han tidy ongle fi ave dem go road and nex wooman staat fi notice dem and dem get wey fram demself and lef yu, all af a sudden, “the grass luk greener pan di adda side and yu is no longer able fi fit di bill.

Som yu liv wid fi 10 years adders not so lang but yu bill life wid dem, maybe rent or buy a house tugether, ave joint account tugether and di works. Mi know af a girl wey live wid a man fi eight years and im tell har one week end sey im ave a special occasion fi attend, ongle fi fine out fram an annanymous fone call sey is marrid im out fi cut a marrid pan har, can yu image ow devastated di poor wooman was. Dis adda fren ave mine marrid fi four years ongle fi, ina di miggle af har exams a university har usban tell har sey im want out a di marrige far im don’t tink it suit im and shi can giv im di pickney dem, but if yu know wat Jamaican ooman is like, yu know sey if axe im if im tink a pus kitten im tink shi ave. One nex likkle fren a mine shee loose fi har boyfren and had a nervous break down. One man mi know a walk di streets, mi was told dat fi im girl lef im an im tek it tu heart han mad over it. Soh breaking up nat nice. We all go thru it at som time ina wi life. An dis staat fram teenage days as dem frickkle in mind. Dem all nice a lovely tu each adder, ongle fi fine sey dem gi di bwoy or girl letter fi sey it over.

Yu all mus know by nung sey mi luv music. Soh mi afi link two tune wid dis ya story. Yu know di tune wey Sissy Huston sing wey go sey “nutten is so gud, it last eternally, no one is completely on yu side”, and one nex one wey Boys II Men sing, wey sey, Baby come back tu me, please, I’m down on bended Knees. Then there is one by Sissy and Whitney Huston which says, ” All at once, the smile that use to greet me brightens someone elses day, she took my smile away, and left me with just memories all at once…” Mi giv dem tune ya as an example fi show breaking up can be hazzardous tu yu health and it play tuff pan yu emotion. Is ongle di gud Lord above coupled wid civility dat can tek one tru a break up han help yu fi move on. Som people, unfartunately caan manage fi move on wen di dolly house mash up, han mash up adder tings tu, “if a caan ave yu, no one else will”, Buff, ” yu tink sey afta mi fix yu up soh and bring yu, soh adder women/men can luk pan yu, yu ago lef mi?”Buff. “Yu really a lef mi fi da skettel dey, luk pan har, shi noh ave noh class” Buff. Yes mi dere dats ow most realtionships end dese days wid a Buff and a Bang!. Ongle di final one is more audible.

Well, fartunately far some, after “Breaking up”, dem seem fi tek life han dem never crisser, soh till wen fen si di odder half, dem sey ” mi shi yu girlfren wey you han shee bruk up, shi was really lukking criss, trash han ready”. But unfartunately dere ar adders who don’t tek it soh well han try if commit suicide, or is successful in committing muder/suicide. Life funny een, soh many fish in di sey, all dem ave fi du is go try ketch a nadda. Adders fine demself ina “Ward 21/Bellview, still adders can’t let goh. Som will sey if dem buck up di ex, ” a wey mi di si pan im, coo pan im boot, it twiss up lakka wah, im clothes mis match han coo pan im teeth, dem favour ow sardine pak up ina tin” While di man might luk on a sey, ” a wander if shi will giv mi a nedder chance, shi really lukking fine”

Tek mi foolish advise, never let yu appiness dipen pan anadder human being, it noh worth it, chalk it dung tu experience, it teaches wisdom dem sey. Soh if yu buck up, move on, it is said dat time heals all woonds. Han better yet, put it in di Big Mans’ hands, im capable af teking care af a small likkle hart, if im builf dis wurl in 6 days, is a likkle bruk hart im won’ tek care af. Walk gud till a nex time.

Better to have loved and Lost, than not to have Loved at all – Standard English Translation

Well, I’m here again, talking about the painful, but essential part of life, Relationships.

Men and women alike, and particularly men, always hold some idea in their minds that they own the other half in a relationship. Anyway, breaking up is hard and it hurts. So event though some may act as if it does bother them, others take it hard to the point where they commit suicide, murder, and sometimes physical, mental and more likely than not, damage to property. Now, if we kept the notion that we own no one and that all things are temporary, tell me, would we do all the foolishness we do when these relationships break up.

Now, the reasons some give for breaking up is that, they want their space, they want to abstain from sex, you no longer fit into their plans, They don’t love you anymore, (I thought love was forever!, no doubt some fool said so), I have met someone else, and besides that, you and I are not compatible anymore and sometimes they are just plain fickle minded.

We all know that during a relationship, lots of serious things tends to happen, the couple behaves as if they have already chosen a spouse and thus begins to build a life with them so to speak. The man may begin to buy pieces of furniture, give a some amount of money per week/month. This though, in no way begins to compensate for the demands being made by the man for payment in return. They expect a hot meal each day, their clothes washed and ironed, and any other duties which may be assigned from time to time. After all that, the woman may begin to get settled in the relationship only to find that the man wants out as the grass begins to look greener on the other side. He has now found someone else and the current partner no longer suits him.

So you may live with your spouse for ten years, others not so long and maybe a house is rented or bought, accounts are joined and the works. I know of a girl that has lived with a man for eight years and he told her one weekend that he had a function to attend. She got him all dressed up and ready to go, tucks and all only to find out from an anonymous phone call that he was preparing to go out and get married. The poor woman was so devastated. There is another friend of mine, he has been married for four years with two children, only for her husband to tell her, right in the middle of her exams at university, he wants out of the marriage as that kind of life is not for him. He offered to take the two children but she asked him if he thought they were kittens to be just given away. Another young friend of mine, her relationship broke up and she got a nervous break down. Then there is a madman now walking the streets, he lost his girl to another man and he completely lost his head. We all have some kind of experience to share of this nature, and it usually starts from the teenage years, as they tend to be more fickle minded. So you see, things are nice in the beginning only to get your marching orders by letter or other means.

You all now by now of my love for music, so I have to link this theme with a few lines from some well known popular songs. There’s this song by Sissy Huston that says, “nothing is so good it last eternally, no one is completely on your side…” then there is another one which by Boys II Men, which goes “Baby come back to me..I’m down on bended knees” then there yet another one by Sissy and Whitney Houston which says ” All at once, the smile that use to greet me, brightens someone’s else’s day, she took my smile away, and left me with just memories, all at once…”. So you see the link, breaking up is hard and hazardous to your health and emotion. It is only the Lord above coupled with civility that can take you through a breakup and help you to move on. Some people unfortunately cannot move on when the dolly house break along with other things. It sometimes comes down to ” If I can’t have you, no one else will” buff, or “If you thing after I have invested so much in this relationship and have now brought you to a stage where other women are now noticing you, I am going to allow you to walk away so easily, think again” Buff, or even, “Did you really leave me for that loose girl (skettel), look at her, she has no finesse” Buff. Yes my dear, that’s’ how it ends in most relationships these days, with a buff and a bang!. Only, the last one is more audible.

Fortunately for some women, breaking up seem to find them improving in appearance. So much so that if a friend of the ex sees her he may go back to his friend and report his findings. He may say, on seeing his friend, “I saw your ex-girl friend today, boy she looks so fine…” she herself may run into him and may be wondering “what did I see on this man, look at his shoes, its so twisted, his clothes is so mis-matched, and his teet are as packed as a sardine tin, is that really what I was so much in love with…”The ex himself may see her and say to himself, “wonder if she will have me back, give me another chance, she is looking so fine….”.

Take my foolish advise, never allow your happiness to depend on another human being, its not worth it, chalk it down to experience, it teaches wisdom it is said. So if you break up, move on, it hurts I know, but time heals all wounds. Better yet, put it in the Big Mans hands, he’s more than capable, he took only six days to build this world, is it a small little heart he won’t take care of. Walk good… till next time.

Talk to you later, until next month take care