Advice & Help

How To Get HIM To Change

Ladies, how many times have you said that the man in your life won’t change? Or, how many times have you said that he still has some issues to work out? Do you often find yourself complaining about his reluctance to behave in a way that would make you happy? I know he has a problem. He doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. He still needs to grow up. He won’t stop looking at other women. He refuses to open up. If only he would just learn to communicate more…etc. The list goes on. Let me ask you something else; are you still with this man that has so, so many issues? I will not insult your intelligence by asking, if he has so many issues, then why are you still with him? I won’t ask you that because I already know the answer. You love him and it breaks your heart to leave him or to just plain let him go.

Although it maybe frustrating to deal with this man and you are constantly talking to him about his behaviour, the reality is he does not have an issue. He’s not the one complaining or being frustrated. That’s because you are doing it for him. There is only one way to solve this problem and it does not involve him doing a thing. Well, not yet. If you expect your man to change his behaviour, then ladies you are the ones that need to change. Please don’t take this the wrong way. Let me explain. I’m not saying that you need to change to please your man just to get him to shape up. No, you need to change for yourself. Be the change you want to see in your man. Take a look at your life. In some cases you maybe so focused on your man because you have not pursued your own interests. He may feel that you are too clingy or too nagging or even worse, you remind him of his mother. Ladies, if you do not have anything else going on in your life besides your relationship then that’s unhealthy. Regardless if it’s a man or a woman, no one likes to feel that he or she is the only thing their partner has going on in their life. 

Once you have begun to pursue your own interest and you still have not seen him making any changes on his own it’s now time to have the talk. Not the talk of where is your relationship heading because that would be about him. This is the talk where you take control of where your life is heading. Find a moment where you are both relaxing preferably somewhere private and quiet. 

You would then turn to him and let him know in a calm voice that you have not been happy for awhile and you know that he may not have been either. Next, instead of attacking him about his behaviour, calmly point out to him how his behaviour affects you. Let him know that when he ignores your requests you feel as if your needs are not important in this relationship. Rather than resort to name calling and finger-pointing, let him know that as a partner in the relationship you do not feel as if your needs are being met and that makes you unhappy and uncomfortable. Let him know that if you continue to feel that way then both of you will need to take some time out from the relationship to figure out what you both want. Once you have said that, leave the floor open for him to air his grievances. Remember, communication is a two way street and you need to be open to hearing how your behaviour has affected him. Whatever you do, do not get into the blaming game. Once you have both aired the issues, you can then decide what your next course of action will be. It maybe that you have both served your purpose in each other’s life and it’s time to move on or you may be pleasantly surprised to see how much your relationship has improved with your man because you decided to take control of your life and yes, you decided to change. Chances are you both were enacting what you saw in your parent’s home growing up. Now you have the opportunity to create the kind of relationship you would like to have with your partner rather than the one you witnessed your parents having with each other.

The ego can really be problematic. It will cause us to be stubborn and stand our ground, refusing to be the first one to back down. It is a sign of maturity when we can let go of our ego and work with each other rather than against each other. So in your quest to take control of your life, instead of being stubborn and insisting that your partner change, take responsibility for your life and create the change within yourself first. You will then begin to experience life and your relationship in the manner in which you desire.

Trudy-Ann Simone, founder of Create Your Passion Enterprise, Creative Life Coach and Author, makes it easy for you to discover how you too can quickly discover your true potential by using who you fundamentally are to create your passion.  To learn more sign up for her monthly newsletter on her website  or join her social network where you can participate in her exclusive discussions on her website

About the author