I had the great privilege of having one of my most powerful mentors to write the Foreword for my book “STAYING MARRIED BECOMING ONE FLESH.” Here is what he wrote:
“The average family is at war. This war is not being fought with guns, but rather with words, attitudes, mistrust, suspicions, hard hearts and selfish wills. This war is fought within the confines of our homes created by broken relationships and shielded from many of our very close friends and even from family. But nevertheless, it is a war, a MARRIAGE war, a war that produces no winner, resulting in our children being used for self interest and often blaming themselves for the turmoil within. As a pastor, I see the effects of this conflict as it devastates the lives of fathers, mothers, children, and oh yes, even the extended family members and friends. In this war, there is more at stake than the natural eye can see. This war will erode the very foundation of our spiritual, emotional and possibly our physical lives. The enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy. I believe one of Satan’s greatest weapons is the breakup of our families, weakening the foundation of our society, leaving our children without a solid foundation from which to build their lives upon.”
Arguments will happen, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Michelle and I have come to realize that after even twenty two years of marriage and about twenty five years of being together that it is just not worth it to try to win an argument. We realize that we cannot avoid conflict but we can avoid allowing it to become World War 2. We experienced this fact while driving from Florida to New York on one of our firey journeys years ago as we argued an entire journey through several States. That experience is what drives us to be intentional not to try to win but to try to agree to disagree.
Time spent trying to win is really time spent fueling the argument itself into what may become an explosion that only steals your peace, joy, love and harmony with your spouse. The reality is, you will never win an argument with your spouse. Here are some solid reasons to proof this fact….
IT IS WHAT IT IS
An opinion is just an opinion. Your spouse’s opinion is not Bible and neither is yours. Do not waste time arguing over each other’s opinion. Recognize the fact that it’s just an opinion that is not necessarily right or wrong, just an opinion that you waste precious quality time trying to prove your point. Agree to disagree and enjoy quality time with each other doing quality things and having quality conversations that will help build your marriage.
THERE IS NO FINISH LINE
Marriage is a journey for life. Arguments are endless bumps in the road that sometimes cannot be avoided. They sometimes appear out of nowhere and if not careful will mess up the foundation of your marriage when you try to win against each other as you journey together. The reality is, you will have arguments for the rest of your lives as married couples. The myth is your marriage will get better by trying to win each argument along the marriage journey. The aim is to avoid trying to win and instead try to embrace and respect each other’s opinion whether you agree or disagree. Remember, you are on a lifelong journey and your aim is to become “one flesh.”
WINNING IS REALLY LOSING
The harder you try at winning an argument with your spouse is the easier it become to lose your spouse….their attention that is! As one spouse focus on winning the argument, focus on the other spouse is lost. Listening to your spouse’s opinion really allows for you to listen without starting a firey conversation. You will get your turn and most likely your spouse will listen to you also. The minute one spouse cuts off the other to get their opinion out it starts a firey argument which could have been avoided and the harmony is lost. Avoid the temptation of trying to win and embrace the choice to respect your spouse’s opinion. You will gain more respect for your own opinion.
Michelle and I are living testimonies. We have been through firey arguments trying to win over each other only to realize the waste of time that produces no winners. Learn to agree to disagree and move on with what matters more in your marriage relationships. Our desire is for all married couples to experience peace, love, joy and harmony in every marriage.
About The Author
Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies. He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God. Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image. Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.
Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando. He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh. Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE. His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking. Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him. Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family. He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart. His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.
Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates. Read all marriage articles on Jamaicans.com Visit our new website: www.MarriageVantagePoint.com Listen to our weekly podcasts: https://anchor.fm/carim-hyatt
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