Culture Memoirs of An Illegal Alien

Too Experienced : Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 58

She doesn’t want me around
She got something to hide
I think she wants a clown
Someone to take for a ride

But I keep telling her…
I am too experienced to be taken for a stroll
Too experience for someone to rock and roll
I am too experience to be taken for a ride
I know it is not my foolish pride

-    Barrington Levy. “Too Experienced”

I was convinced Rosa was pregnant. It was 3 days since I left her apartment and found no evidence of her period coming.  She was suddenly extremely busy. We spoke a few times since that but no face to face. No spending time over by her place.  She offered no information on if her period came and I asked no questions due to her response the previous week.

I wanted to talk to Sue about the situation. She would be the perfect person to find out what was going on with Rosa. Even though they did not talk as often, they were still very close. Sue was particularly excited about being on TV recently for the drug bust in our apartment building. Some of her friends in Jamaica saw it on TV. They have “Jamaican cable TV” (neighbors’ with a dish who ran cable to other homes) and followed what was happening in Miami.  I figured that her been in a good mood would be a good chance to ask her to find out, what is going on with Rosa. Also the chance of us getting married earlier due to pregnancy would entice Sue.

I engaged her in a conversation about her TV appearance and then approached her about Rosa.

“Sue, I need a favor?”


“Can you find out what is going on with Rosa”

“Why? She is your girlfriend” she snapped back sarcastically.

“She has been acting strange lately” I replied.

“What did you do?” she asked.

Why did I get the blame? Women seem to always blame men for everything. It is always the man’s fault.

“Nothing” I replied.

“Nuh romp wid mi” She replied in patois smiling. She knew something was up.

“Mi nah ramp wid yuh” I replied.

“Something is going on. How am I to call her out of the blue and ask her what is going on? I need more information.”

I paused. I was now having second thoughts. The last time Rosa and Sue were in cahoots I suffered. Maybe I was overreacting. Rosa would be angry if she knew I planned a scheme like this.

“What is going on?” Sue repeated.

Maybe I should keep going to her apartment and checking the garbage container. I did not like the idea of doing that. If anyone could find out Sue could. I wanted to know. I was anxious.

“Rosa missed her period”

“What?” she had a look on her face of curiosity.

“Mi seh she miss ar period” I replied in patois to emphasize the point.

“I thought that was what you said but was not sure. Maybe it is nothing to worry about. I am late sometimes”, she replied.

I thought to myself, “Too much information”. The thought of her and Sidney gave me the shivers.

“How long now?” she asked.

“It was about 2 weeks when Rosa last mentioned it”

The look on Sue’s face changed. She was now concerned.

“This could be serious”

“Yes, and Rosa is not really talking about it. I don’t know if her period came or not?”

“Did you ask her?” she asked.

“Not in the last few days.  She has been very touchy about the topic”  I replied.

“So you want me to ask her if her period came?” she asked.

“Yes?” I replied.

She started to laugh.

“Why are you laughing” I asked.

“I just can’t ask her out about something like that” she replied still laughing.

“I did not expect you to do it that way. Feel her out. Tell her I have been looking worried lately and you wanted to know if she knew what was going on?”

Then Sue went there.

“You sure you want me to do this. Suppose I feel her out and she tells me she had an abortion?”

It was a thought that was in the back of my mind. A thought I did not want to conceive would happen. Rosa was a doctor but she was not the type who would “dash weh belly”.  

“I don’t care what you find out. I just want to know what is going on” I replied.

“Okay, I will see what I can do but I may not get anything” she replied.

“Just try”

It seems like when you are in a situation everything that happens around you is about that situation.

There was a baby shower in the office the next day. It was for one of the ladies on a “rival” team. She was Brazilian and her name was Elise. It was her first child and it was a boy. The rumor in the office was that she was pregnant for her married supervisor. She did not reveal the father but it was also rumored that he wanted her to have an abortion. She did not want to have the abortion. She was going to have the baby.

To everyone’s surprise her supervisor (ex-lover) showed up at the baby shower in the lunch room.

One of the ladies from my team, who is a born again-Christian woman, could not hold her tongue. She had a very traditional view of home and marriage. She did not like hearing the office gossip of who was having sex with whom. She did not believe that couples should engage in pre-marital sex. The one thing she despised more that pre-marital sex was abortion.

She backed up Elise’s ex-lover and said something to him. He hurriedly left the lunch area with the reddest face I had ever seen on a white man.

Going home that evening the song blasting on my radio was…

On the intercom Rosy tell me to come
Seh she didn’t have a daughter, she did have a son
She say the lift doesn’t work run up the stairs and come
and if you don’t come quick you not going to know that son.
So a grab a bunch a roses and I start to run
here I  come, woah.
Two months later she say come and get your son cause I don’t want your baby to come tie me down.  Because you are old and I am young
Yes, while I am young yes I wanna have some fun
Run me down…
-    Barrington Levy, “Broader than Broadway”

Even though the scenario in the song was a little different from mine it was similar. Rosa’s career was more important that having my baby.  I wondered if she felt that I was inadequate being an illegal alien who could not go far without papers. I was not going to be able to catch up to her from a salary perspective until I had papers and furthered my education.

That is when doubt set in about her having an abortion. I thought I knew her, but was really shocked by her reaction when the topic of the “missed period” first came up. She seemed really cold. It was like the possible baby that may have been growing inside her meant nothing. I was already convinced she was pregnant without the facts. When you do not have any information your imagination can go wild.

I went home and crashed. I was tired and stressed out from everything and needed some sleep.

I was awoken by Sue in the kitchen. My room door was open so I could hear her banging everything. I left it open purposely because I wanted to know if she found out anything from Rosa.

I walked in the kitchen and started to prod away.

“I spoke to her today but I did not find out anything. How could I when we have not spoken in a while. I need time”

Anxiety killed my appetite. I showered and went back to sleep.

The phone rang at  7:30 AM the next morning. At first I thought it was my mother. She sometimes called at day break. It was Rosa.

“It came”, she sounded relieved.

“When?”  I asked. I was relieved but disappointed at the same time.

“Yesterday, but I just did not get a chance to call you as I had to do a double shift”

“Can I come see you tonight” I asked

“No, I just need to be alone” she replied “I feel real icky. I am PMS-ing”

I started to have suspicions. Rosa was never one of the type to act strange during her time of the month. She was always the same. Did she have an abortion and needed time to recover. Why don’t I believe that it was just her period?

“Do you work tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “I do a night shift”.

I had to know. I would go by her apartment to see if there was any evidence.

The next day after work I went to her apartment. I headed directly to the bathroom. I opened the garbage can with anticipation.

I looked in.

There were maxi-pad wrappers. Was she was telling the truth?

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