Live broadcasting from the scene of American Airlines flight 331

An American Airlines plane crashed and broke in two after landing at the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston a short while ago. The aircraft carried over 145 passengers and crew most of them Jamaicans returning home. Boardlane TV news was on site to interview some of the passengers that were able to speak to us about the events that took place after the crash.

Boardlane TV:  Hi sir could you give us a moment and tell us how are you feeling and what happened when you realized your flight crashed?

Lincoln:    Lady mi sey a Jah  save wi cause a di back mi dey enoh Miss and all of a sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina di air and a dat time mi a penny sey di rahtid sinting bruck ina 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin siting and lick out wan white flat a  grung. Im mite ina di plane still kunk out an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im. Man an woman a try cum outt before di plane boom up!

Boardlane TV :  No one stopped to assist the injured man?

Lincoln:    Look yah lady when plane boom flick pan dry land is all about survival yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh know if all a nex suitcase a goh shoot out fram di ova head sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!

Boardlane TV :  Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok.. Miss Over here. Can you tell us how you feel and give us some insights on what took place on your flight?

Matlida:  Glorry Glorry… I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan talk … Sweeet Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi nat even have on good drawz.. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Alli-jullaaa!!!

Boardlane TV :  Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here please.  BoardlaneTV here. Can you tell us what happened on your flight as it was landing?

Millicent:  Dat Razzklat Pilot noh know wey di Bongo Cyat im a do.. Im nearly kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbeet Plane like im a deh pan Jet Ski pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im Klaat an sen im back a Flying school.. Wan a mi lickle 9 yr ole yout lan kite betta dan dat suckka lan dis big ole Bongo Cyat plane.. cho Blood Kleet .. come outta mi way yah man.

Boardlane TV :  Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the pilot and understandable so. Let’s see .. Little one can you come over here and talk with us..How are you doing? 

Celine:  Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi?

Boardlane TV :  No but maybe you can describe her and we can get some help for you

Celine:   Mi mummy have wan  b@tty big <<soh>> an wear  wan Burgundy hair har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan dem.. When di plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi… like shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di plane.. Dats how shi behave when har head tek har yuh mam ..shi noh memba nutten bout mi. 

Boardlane TV :  Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be safe. Let’s get one more comment from this gentleman. Hi sir do you care to comment on the incident that just took place?

Percy:  Sure I would loves to comments. Miss Lady,  I and my mistress was in the bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished when wi realize dot di plane do nat landed good pan di runaway. So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem han faller backa me.

Boardlane TV :  You made her carry both suitcases by herself?

Percy :   What mek yuh hosk? Yuh noh si how shi strapping an have trang back? A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo di side exit door an landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si hall my helbow chip up fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a scrotch how shi tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just wont to find a batroom now fi change mi brief. Mi cyan ston ina di pee-pee no longer.

Boardlane TV :  Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress. Well ladies and gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of passengers. Now we return to our regular scheduled programming.

We will have more comments from passengers as they get sorted out


Boardlane TV: We are now back on the air speaking with a few more of the passengers from flight 331. Mister can you step over here and have a chat with us. How are you doing.. you look a little shaken up!

Trevor : Bway I neva experience anyting like dis ina my life sistren. A lissen mi a lissen some trune pan mi Ipod an feel di plane a skid wey to blurtnaught. Di betern nex to mi look out a di window an start bawl out sey wi ago drap ina sea wata to birdbeak!. Lady mi start pray unto Jah cause I man cyan swim a lick an plus mi  all hear sey nuff Alligator ina di sea. 

Boardlane TV: Alligators in the  sea sir? Where have you heard such a thing? That’s not true.

Trevor : Yuh a fool man .. Alligata ina di sea mi sey. Nuff time mi si dem lie dung pan di banking when mi a fly out.. soh mi noh know wey yuh a chat sey. If wi did crash ina di sea an hear sey Alligata nyam up all a wi ina di plane  wey yuh woulda sey ..eeh? How unu news people can behave like a hongle unu wan have educatian soh? Tek man fi fool an illeterate.. GO WEY!!

Boardlane TV: Ok. Clearly that is a very misguided passenger but we are glad he wasn’t eaten by Alligators nonetheless. Looks like another shaken passenger heading our way. Over here sir. Can you tell us what this experience was like for you?

Neville:  Ioyoo cyooon taalkk naw iss.. mknot a ood hime

Boardlane TV: Sir what are saying? I’m sorry we can’t hear you so good. Repeat that.

Neville’s Daughter: Sarry lady.. papa cyan talk to yah now …im false teet fly outta im mout when im head lick up pan di seat. Nat a soul cyan fine di teet all now. Gad eeh know how dis man a goh nyam im Chrismuss dinna now widout’en di teet. Lawd a mercy pan wi Pupa Jesas!

Boardlane TV:  Ok Sorry to hear that. Well let’s hope he will have a merry Christmas despite his missing teeth. God bless you. Hi Hi young man come and talk to us over here. What’s going through you mind  after going through what just occurred?

Rorie:  Yuh really waan know what a goh troo my mine sistren? Is a spliff I waan bun yah now.. jah rastafari know. Dem kina ting wi mash up yuh nerval system when rasta dey  pan plane an it bruck up wid yuh ina it yuh noh seeit . Mi teet dem noh tap rakkle fram mi lef outta di plane. I man need a weefah  fi calm I nerves but di bloodseed police bway dem a walk roun wid di sniffa daag dem  sed way mek I man cyan draw fi di herb. **kiss teet**  Easy yaah mi sistren .. I an I ago get outta dis Babylon cage.  More time!

Boardlane TV: Ok we have time for just one more passenger .. Looks like this lady is one of the more injured. Let’s see what she has to say.  Sppptttt Miss ..can you share with Boadlane TV how you got your injuries?

Silvia:  No wan  b@tty bway push mi dung a try race mi outta di plane mam. Mi sey dem noh have no mannas enoh lady. Imagine dis American Airlines likle Punk fling mi dung ina fuss class an kick mi ina mi side when a jump ova mi.. Mi sey if a neva fi mi artritis ina mi right han a tump im dung if a eva si im bout yah. Look how mi frack dutty up like mi naah come fram nohweh!

Boardlane TV: Wait a minute you said he was an American Airline person?

Silvia:  Yes lady! A wan a di Hair hostess bway do mi soh .. All yuh hear dem a chat bout lef plane ardaly in case of emergency dem a di fuss wan a bulldoza yuh when plane crash. Dem is jus  like dem dam hooligan yuh si a stage show. Dam set a viagro dem ..dem only ina di stoosh unifarm like dem desent but dem noh betta dan di hag dem yuh si ina pig style. Dutty Jankro dem!

Boardlane TV: Very interesting. Well there you have it folks. A very traumatic day for the passengers as you just heard. We wish all a pleasant evening and thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.

About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and author. Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world. She is currently in the process of writing her first book to be released soon.

J.C. Wright,  Springdale, Maryland © 12/23/09

About the author

Joelle "Wendy" Wright

Joelle "Wendy" Cohen Wright is an author of character-driven Jamaican sketch comedy. She developed her love for sketch comedy after enrolling in a speech drama club in a Kingston primary school, where she won countless awards for her theatre performances.

Joelle is fast becoming one of the Caribbean's well-loved comedy writers. With her irrepressible sense of humor and a flair for dramatics, Joelle's writing style has the right comedic timing that is sure to induce laughter through her storytelling abilities in Jamaican patois. Ever the natural comedienne, she adds a fiery jolt of pure comic bliss to her series of characters and hilarious interpretations of Jamaican every day life.

Her first collection of sketches, "A Soh Wi Do It!" was published in 2010 and made rave reviews from readers across the world. The author dedicated the following years to penning the hilarious come backs entitled, "A Soh It Goh!" and "A Soh Dem Gwaan." Joelle holds a post graduate degree from the University of Maryland, University College, MD.