Many persons have approached me for help in finding that special person to share their lives and dreams. Often, after a brief interview and assessment, I realize some are not prepared for a relationship and love.
What about you? Are you prepared for a relationship?
Preparing for a relationship is not as easy as it seems, especially after past failed relationships and being alone for a while. It is a hard journey of self-discovery, character building, and awareness. If you are trying to find love, here are some ways to prepare yourself:
1. Do A Self-Introspection
Have an honest conversation with yourself. Look back at your past relationships to see if there are common patterns and if you have contributed to its demise. This is important, otherwise, you will fall into the same old patterns and continue to make the same mistakes, resulting in the same results – hurt and pain. What are your feelings toward love? Know what type of persons attract you and why.
2. Love Yourself
Love yourself and be confident. Before even considering a relationship with another, you have to love yourself. In order to be capable of giving love to another person, you need to give love to yourself first. Be aware of your own abilities, gifts, strengths, and weaknesses. Like yourself as a person, inside and out. Have self-respect and self-confidence. And above all, be honest with yourself. The ability to make good choices – in a partner or in life – flows from having a genuine love and respect for yourself.
3. Eliminate Emotional Baggage
Get rid of the emotional baggage sapping your energy. Emotional baggage is all the negative experiences you’ve accumulated in relationships (romantic and otherwise) that you bring with you throughout life. Accept your part of the responsibility. Get the closure you need. Honor your past relationship. Before you can move on to bigger and better pastures, you must take responsibility, forgive old trespassers, and most importantly forgive and accept yourself.
This may not be easy to do on your own and you may need to seek help from a trained Relationship Coach/Counselor.
4. Pay Attention to Your Emotions and Triggers
Learn to recognize the signs your body gives when you’re starting to experience an emotion. This helps you figure out your triggers. The stronger your responses, the more likely it is you are dealing with a hot issue that may provide some problems in a new relationship. You may need to seek professional help to assist in managing your emotions.
5. Know What You Want in a Partner
If you’re not sure what you want in a partner, you’ll choose anyone who comes along. Be specific and confident in your choices. Have an idea of what you are looking for in a partner. Persons need to be positive and not use past experiences to form a general opinion of the opposite sex. Do not ‘settle’ out of desperation to find someone, instead be patient and realistic.
6. Prepare Yourself Emotionally
Be emotionally prepared for a new relationship. Ask yourself, “Am I willing and able to put in the effort required for a committed, loving relationship?” All relationships take work, so before you commit to a relationship, examine whether or not you’re prepared to do the work it takes to make a relationship successful.
7. Prepare Yourself Mentally
Mentally prepare yourself for a healthy, committed relationship. That is, deal with your unresolved childhood issues and/or emotional baggage from past relationships. Often, unresolved issues – whether from childhood, past relationships, or some emotional trauma – sometimes hold us back in our current lives. If your ex-spouse betrayed you, you may now feel you can’t trust or commit to a new partner. If you had a parent who was abusive, you have probably attracted partners who continue this pattern of abuse. If you have not been able to resolve it on your own – and it’s still affecting your view of yourself or your view of relationships – you may wish to seek help from a Relationship Coach/Counsellor, or another qualified professional to help you sort through these issues.
8. Prepare Yourself Physically
Persons sometimes physically “let themselves go” when they are alone for a while. Here are some tips to make you look healthier and physically attractive:
- If you believe that you’re overweight, lose some weight
- Do a manicure and pedicure
- Visit the dentist to clean and get rid of cavities, which may cause bad breath
- Visit the doctor to do a physical and to test for infections
- Visit the beauty salon/barber
Doing these will help to boost your self-confidence.
9. Put Yourself Out There
If you sit in your house all the time, you certainly won’t find a partner! You must go out to socialize at the places that you enjoy going, as this increases your chances of finding someone who shares the same interests as you. Put yourself out there as much as possible.
10. Be Patient
All good things come to those who wait patiently. Keep your hope alive at every minute.
By following these steps, you will open yourself to love. Additionally, you will also sharpen your character, build your self-confidence as well as discover your wants and desires.
About the Author
Olive Patricia Ellis is a Relationship Coach with training in Counselling Psychology. She provides relationship guidance to individuals and couples.
Contact: Tel: 1-437-777-2953