Can you remember what it was like the first few months of your relationship with your spouse? The exciting times, the long hours spent talking, kissing and holding hands? You worked so hard to come up with creative ideas for dates and conversations, and you just couldn’t seem to get enough of each other!
As a Relationship Coach, a common excuse by many of my clients is that because of the heavy demands of life, there isn’t enough time for intimacy. Intimacy is one of the glues that holds a relationship together and without it, couples will at some point, experience a sense of disconnection with each other.
The following are the keys to unlock and maintain passion and intimacy in your relationship.
1. Intimacy Should Be Made Priority.
Research has shown that couples who have frequent intimate moments with each other, have feelings of trust and mutual respect for each other. Intimacy should be made priority in a couples’ “Things to Do” list and should not be put off until “a more convenient time”.
2. Schedule Time for Conversation
Schedule at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted conversation each day. Some of the conversation needs can be filled by face-to-face conversations, phone conversations, texts, skype/video chats, or emails. Conversations should involve sharing information about work, family, concerns, other commitments and interests so you are both able to nourish the sense of being best friends.
3. Have Date Nights
Schedule one date night every week. This is spending quality time together without any outside interruptions.
Schedule at least one overnight every 3 months. An overnight or a weekend with each other is a chance to re-kindle the fire and rediscover the fun once had when you were dating or when it was just the two of you. If you have children, it may be a challenge to arrange this if you don’t have relatives nearby to them, but ask your friends or relatives to assist.
4. Look Forward to Seeing Each Other
Genuinely look forward to seeing each other at the end of a demanding work day. This is an opportunity to greet, hug and kiss each other and let go of some of the stress built up during the day.
5. Go to Bed Together
Go to bed together at the same time. There will be times when this is not possible, as one person may be away. Intercourse doesn’t have to take place every night, but there should be some intimacy such as hugging, snuggling and kissing.
6. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
Try not to go to bed angry with each other. Try to forgive and to say, “I’m sorry.” Admit your mistake when you make it. There will be times when the issue at hand cannot be resolved before going to bed, because time is needed to allow for emotions to be normalized so that rational conversations can be had. Making up can be a very pleasant and erotic experience!
7. Pray Together
Pray together for each other. This is a wonderful activity to spend time with each other in the presence of God. Pray for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom, for the solution to problems.
It is very easy to get swept away by the daily demands of life, and so it is important to make a committed effort to make time for intimacy.
About the Author
Olive Patricia Ellis is a Relationship Coach and Matchmaker with training in Counselling Psychology. She is the Founder of Forty & Beyond Matchmaking Club in Toronto Canada, which offers international services. She has successfully helped many persons to find their soulmates, and has also provided relationship guidance to singles and couples whose relationships have lost “that loving feeling”.
Contact: [email protected].