In one of my prior articles “LOVE DISECTED” the word love was explained. Today this word is like a loose cannon with no power in many cases. Real love is filled with the Holy Spirit of God. As much as God is perfect in love and us as spouses are to allow the Spirit of God to guide us as we love each other in marriage, not every spouse show that love of God in the marriage consistently. The love shown stems from the love received from God. The love received from God happens when a spouse opens up to receive it. A hurt spouse will hurt the other spouse. A loved spouse will love the other spouse. God commands us as husbands and wives to love each other but do we always do so? Have you gone through a season of “love drought?” Michelle and I have been in the valley and we have learned the truth of God’s word on how to walk through that valley to reach the mountain. We have been through the clouds of silence being married but not living married. We have learned however, how to continue to walk the marriage journey with peace and joy and be victorious despite the droughts we have experienced.
The mind is a battlefield and the enemy wages war on that battlefield to cause division between both husband and wife. His only intention is to tear away every bit of harmony in your marriage relationship. Where there is division, love runs away and hurt enters the union. Where there is unity, love is entertained and stays to enjoy its benefits, while hurt has to take flight and leave the relationship. Are you hurting in your marriage because of a lack of love? Are you experiencing a drought in your marriage relationship? Has love left and seem it will not return? Well, if this is you, here are three KEY things to do when your spouse stops showing love to you:
REMEMBER GOD IS LOVE
“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble,” Psalm 46:1. The minute you forget that God is there with you, the minute you start falling into despair that can lead to depression. When God said, “it is not good for man to be alone,” they were not just words He spoke. God acted upon His word by creating woman from the rib of man. That act of love is what satan wants every married couple to forget. Forgetting this is like forgetting that God is ever present in your marriage even when your spouse is not being that loving spouse God desires of husband and wife.
Michelle and I can be called basketball junkies. Along with our other hobby, fishing, basketball is our thing. I remember driving with Michelle to the court to play ball while going through a dark time in our marriage. There was no talking in the car. If a pin dropped it was heard loud and clear. I remember feeling very low in spirit and so did Michelle. God said he never leaves nor forsakes His children. I remember being picked on a team to play with this guy I can never forget. I am certain God used him at my dark moment to bring encouragement. While playing, he saw my lack of aggressiveness and said, “hey bro, you need to play with confidence.” What he followed up with blew my mind while boosting my spiritual self with encouragement. This guy knows nothing about me and I know nothing about him. He had no clue I was a child of God, he was certainly not a child of God either, yet he was able to say, “GOD IS WORKING ON YOUR CONFIDENCE.” Wow! Nothing else mattered at that moment. My low feeling about my marriage relationship was drowned out by encouragement. Why? God spoke through this young man mightily to let me know to be confident in Him and that my relationship will be fine.
God created marriage. He can fix your marriage. God loves you and He loves your spouse the same. He will fix any marital issue if you ask in prayer and believe with trust in Him. Why would He not fix it if He created it? The problem is, we get deceived in our darkest moments in our relationships to be believe a loving God is nowhere to be found. But God is right there with you both just waiting for you to turn to Him. God is Love and where love is lacking in your marriage relationship, you can be certain that His love is sufficient for the season of “love drought.” Just remember who God is and rest in Him with confidence. Michelle and I did just that. We are living testimonies.
RECOGNIZE YOUR SPOUSE’S WEAKNESS
There is no perfection in humans. We all have flaws that are triggered at times. The intention is not to bring the baggages from the past but sometimes we refuse to leave the backpack behind. When a spouse carries the past hurts into the marriage, sometimes unintentionally, it creates a problem. I heard and saw a phrase, “HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.” This is of utmost truth. I also saw another phrase, “HURT PEOPLE TEND TO BLEED ON THE ONES WHO DID NOT CAUSE THE HURT.” As much as these phrases spell truth, they are unfortunate. A hurt spouse finds it hard to show love the way God intended. The victimized spouse usually suffers through seasons of no love received. The ‘love tank’ get empty at times because the hurt spouse cannot fill it. My primary love language is QUALITY TIME. I love spending uninterrupted time with Michelle but not every day or week I get that quality time and not every day or week does Michelle’s love tank get filled either. Imperfections play a big part in those moments of lack of love shown or received. God said we must love unconditionally but there are times when we need a boost called prayer.
The greatest act of love a spouse can show another spouse who is hurting is PRAYING and BELIEVING for healing for that hurting spouse. Praying to God is spending time with God. The presence of God will fill any void where love is missing in your marital relationship. The season of a lack of love will pass and God will restore any praying and believing spouse’s relationship. The key is to be obedient to Philippians 4:6-7New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. This is your key to peace and love even in your time of “love drought” from your spouse.
REST IN GOD’S PRESENCE WHILE WAITING FOR CHANGE
The marriage relationship is like a three strand cord that cannot be broken. The
presence of God, if invited, will give you peace while you wait in faith for your spouse to be free from whatever bondage is holding back love. One of my most loved verse is, John 15:7, “If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask of anything and it shall be done for you.” I love this verse because God is promising that if I stay in His presence under any circumstance while staying in His word, The Bible, I can pray for change in my marriage and God will grant me that desire. Peace does not depend on your circumstance. You can have peace with God even when your spouse is not showing you love. God will fill that void for the moment and then turn around and heal your spouse and allow His love to flow through your spouse into the marriage relationship. Just remember His timing is perfect. God will test you in your marriage by allowing hard times so you can grow into the husband or wife He is developing you to become for a greater purpose. Michelle and I have been through many tests and trials that God allowed for greater. We are now hosting MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a radio program on marital topics on a major radio station covering a wide range of listeners. We lead married couples lifegroups, encouraging married couples in there marital journey. We have authored books on Marriage reaching many readers who have said their marriages have been much better because of the readings.
God had to prepare us for this journey and continues to do so for a greater purpose. You cannot have a testimony without a test. You may be in a dry season of no love right now in your marriage but do not give up. God is right there cheering you on saying, “press on my child, I am right with you and will deliver you and your spouse to bring back that love even in a greater way.” God is absolutely great and can work any miracle He wishes to. Michelle and I can attest to just that. Continue to trust God and wait. Remember God’s promise, “THEY THAT WAIT UPON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH. THEY SHALL MOUNT OF WITH WINGS LIKE EAGLES. THEY SHALL RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY. THEY SHALL WALK AND NOT FAINT,” Isaiah 40:31. Rest in God’s presence and watch God’s love start flowing through both you and your spouse to bring that harmony and peace God so desires for you both.
About The Author
Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies. He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God. Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image. Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.
Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando. He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh. Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE. His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking. Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him. Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family. He has been on various radio and TV stations in different parts of the country speaking and interviewing on the topic of marriage and family. He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart. His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.
Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates.