Uncovering the Root Cause of Marital Strife

An argument is evident in every marriage relationship. There is not much a husband or wife can do to stop having disagreements. Sometimes these disagreements turn into bitter conflicts, leading to anger. A simple thing as toilet paper not being put in the bathroom, a towel not turned the right way in the closet, or even a pair of shoes left in the hallway can amount to a speechless night with dark clouds hanging just awaiting the storm to pass through the marriage relationship.

There is a root cause. When this root cause is discovered, conflicts do not last long. If husbands and wives can only learn to recognise this deeply buried bad root and pluck it out and throw it away, the marriage relationship is freed from lingering malice due to conflicts.

Malice is a poison that slowly eats away at a healthy marriage relationship. It deceptively hides itself behind the root cause and bursts into the relationship whenever this root cause is not discovered. Malice then gives way to tension, bitterness, anger, and all kinds of hurricane-related damages that destroy a healthy marriage relationship that had no shutters put up to avoid the storm.

The minute a husband and wife discover this subtle and dangerous root cause, conflicts, arguments, malice, and strife flee from the relationship quickly, giving way for quicker peace, love, joy, and harmony. The relationship needs to start growing healthy again. This root cause, once recognised, must be exposed and destroyed quickly.

Self Deception

Self-deception is like looking in the mirror, and instead of seeing yourself, you see your spouse’s faults. You are made to believe that your spouse is the only one who has faults, weaknesses, or flaws. It is at the root of every argument, strife, or conflict because it causes spouses to blame each other for things they struggle with.

“But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another” – Galatians 6:4.

A husband gets upset with a wife who leaves the kitchen untidy, yet that same husband doesn’t see that he leaves dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and not in the dirty clothes bin. A wife gets upset and argues with the husband, who does not put the toilet seat down, but that wife constantly leaves it up after using it.

There are so many faults, flaws, and weaknesses that both husband and wife carry, but one is quick to point out and argue over the other’s. Self-deception means you are blind to your faults. You are quick to point out the others and argue with them over theirs without seeing that you are as faulty as them.

Next time you are tempted to start strife over a weakness in your spouse, stop and look in the mirror and ask yourself a powerful question: “WHAT ARE SOME THINGS I DO THAT DISPLEASE MY SPOUSE?” This self-test will reveal the root cause of strife and allow you to approach your spouse more lovingly.

You cannot avoid arguments and strife, but you have the power to let them leave your marriage relationship quickly. Lingering arguments and bad feelings towards each other lead to malice that poisons your relationship.

A mirror test will open your eyes to see the issues that nag your spouse and change your approach when speaking to your spouse about their nagging issues. You will open the door to a much better marriage relationship.

Huddle up and enjoy your special marriage journey.


  • Carim Hyatt

    Carim has a passion for marriage and family. He and his wife, Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a radio talk show reaching all over the world. He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh. His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.

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