It is never a pleasant experience to watch a family member or a close friend being in a coma. As a young boy growing up in Jamaica, I would go to the river down the street from my home to get a swim at times. To this day I remember seeing another young boy floating in the dark green waters seeming lifeless. “Lord have mercy, him drown” everyone screamed! I remember watching as some older guys pulled him from the water and lay him on his back and started pumping his chest area while doing what became known to me at a later age as CPR. Everyone would watch in anticipation but I had no clue what was going on, being a naïve Linstead youth, with not much knowledge of medical terms at that young age. I can remember the look on everyone’s face and the dead silence as everyone waited. It was as if a bright light just turned on as someone screamed “him wake up!” I could hear clapping as I saw the young boy’s eyes opened as if new life was put inside of him. A burst of joy took the place of fear and darkness as the boy sat up looking at everyone. Yes, he was alive and well. What seemed like sure death was back to LIFE and God got all the praise for it.
“THE ENEMY COMES ONLY TO KILL, STEAL AND DESTROY BUT I HAVE COME THAY THEY MAY HAVE LIFE AND HAVE IT TO THE FULLEST” John 10:10.
There is an enemy out there after every marriage. Why? Because God created marriage and anything God creates, satan tries to kill. Every marriage may need CPR at times if not cared for properly. When a flower or a plant is not watered regularly it will die. When a marriage relationship is not watered regularly it will fade and enter a stage of possible death. Michelle and I experienced that season years ago but thank God for marriage CPR, our marriage has bloomed again and is now ever stronger, more secured on a solid foundation of God’s word and striving the way God ordained it to be. We still face trials just like any other thing in life but we know the revival strategies to apply to revive our relationship. Maybe your marriage seem to be, or have entered that season of fading, but it does not have to stay that way. Your marriage can live again and live a better and more joyful life. Here are five ways to revive a dying marriage.
1. HATE WHAT GOD HATES
For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel” Malachi 2:16. There is a root cause of every marriage facing divorce. God hates divorce because he created marriage to last a lifetime. No marriage just dies a sudden death. Divorce does not just happen. It is usually a slow leaking period of a lack of love or respect that leads to resentment, further leading to that ugly decision that God hates. Every marriage faces trials, mudslides, hurricanes or or even tornadoes, but there is always a hurricane warning or tornado watch with enough time to put of shutters or seek shelter. Just the same, every spouse has the opportunity to perform CPR on their marriage revive it. Spouses who love the creator of marriage will hate divorce just as the creator hates it and will do everything to prevent it. The key is to have a heart for what God has a heart for, a marriage lasting a lifetime. Get to the root of the problem causing your marriage to fade. Root out the problem by addressing it and seeking professional help to fix it before it reaches a point of no return.
2. START FEEDING EACH OTHER’S LOVE LANGUAGE PURPOSEFULLY
When Michelle and I faced our darkest time in our marriage many years ago we ignored the very thing that kept each other going in the marriage. I am a “quality time” kind of guy and Michelle is an “act of service” kind of girl. I love spending quality time with Michelle. When I am spending quality time with my wife nothing seem to be a bother. However, when things were not going well for us we totally ignored each other’s love language. Our love tanks were almost dry. Our marriage was facing a death sentence and we did not even realize it fully. It took an intentional move mixed with the decision to turn off the television for one full year. The television was a buffer we used to ignore each other. I remember the day we decided to be intentional to fix our marriage. We started giving each other marital CPR by making a conscious effort to start feeding each other’s love language. I remember making tea (act of service) at nights and offering Michelle and sitting with her with no television, as we would talk (quality time) uninterrupted. Our marriage started to warm up over time to the point of revival, even to the point of now being used by God to encourage other marriages. You have the power to change your marriage if it is going through a dying period. Start being intentional to feed each other’s love language.
3. PUT AWAY THE DISTRACTIONS
I grew up in a home with those phones that you had to dial in a circlular motion. Those telephones stayed home when you left home. Those telephones were limited to use only in the house. You could not take them out on a date with your spouse. There were no tablets, wireless laptops or iphones/androids. In those days husbands and wives looked each other in the eyes and talked or walked hand in hand and laugh while engaging each other. Today the gadgets have become a big part of the relationship to the point of dangerous addiction. They are even causing death while driving. They are causing death in marriage relationships. The beautiful thing is, this does not have to be your marriage relationship. A gadget does not control you, you control the gadget. It is not the gadget that is the problem, it is the use of it and the user using it. It is okay to set boundaries for the gadget use so you can spend quality time with each other to revive your marriage.
4. PURPOSEFULLY DATE REGULARLY
Nothing ignites fire into a marriage that is fading like a date night. The busyness of life, caring for kids, working nine to five, paying bills, cooking and cleaning, will take the place of your marriage relationship, causing it to fade if you are not intentional about going on a date. It was the very thing you did when you met each other prior to marriage so why not continue now that you are married? The number one complaint I hear when talking with couples is that one or both are lacking a night alone out on a date. Intimacy is not limited to the bedroom. Your marriage will feel stale and routine and will need a change of atmosphere to reignite the fire you one had. Be intentional about setting date nights and make sure to keep them. Your marriage will start to blossom again as you spend time doing nothing but shooting the breeze with your soul mate.
5. KEEP GOD’S ORDER IN ORDER
Proverbs 14:12: There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. As much wisdom as we may have, we can never be wiser than God, the creator of life. God gives an order of life and many times when we go our own way or lean on our own understanding we end up lost. Just the same, many times our marriages end up dying because we do our own thing or make decisions based on our own limited wisdom. Thank God for His perfect order. He instructs every person, husband and wife, to follow His order and when we don’t our marriages end up suffering. God’s order is based no his infinite wisdom. He commands us to PUT HIM FIRST in our lives. Next in order is our MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. Next is MINISTRY, then all else follows. Change this order and your marriage will suffer. If your marriage is fading, consider following this order of life and watch things change in your marriage. One episode our the radio program Michelle and I host, we had a listener who questioned friend over spouse. The truth is many husbands and wives end up putting more value into their friendship than their marriages, and sometimes not intentionally. This choice will always lead to a marriage relationship that will die simply because a marriage relationship cannot be treated secondary to a friendship and have the same effect that it is intended to have. When you put your spouse in his or her rightful place you are actually adding value to them. When you do the opposite you are taking away value from them and causing the marriage to face a death penalty.
Your marriage has high value. You are both goodwill people and got married with great intentions, one of which is to live life together to please God and each other. Is our marriage in need of CPR? Are you facing a crisis? It is not too late to apply one of these to your marriage relationship to get back the life your marriage once had. Restart the marriage engine now and keep the engine running while maintaining your relationship with regular tune-ups! Remember, God created marriage and wishes for your marriage to be joyful and lasting a lifetime.
About The Author
Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies. He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God. Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image. Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.
Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando. He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh. Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE. His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking. Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him. Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family. He has been on various radio and TV stations in different parts of the country speaking and interviewing on the topic of marriage and family. He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart. His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.
Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates.
Photo by Eric Froehling on Unsplash