Imagine if men were to get pregnant. How would they handle it and what would that conversion sound like. Turn your imagination to a few men at the Doctor’s office for regular Pregnancy check ups. This would more likely be the conversation
JesusDread: Rasta George disyah gut in front a mi a kill mi back! Jah know sey mi a dead fi drap disyah soljah cause mi cyan tek dis pain an boddaration noh more.
Neutral: Mi hear yuh my yute.. Mi tell di ooma sey mi did waan goh tie mi pelvis cause mi noh waan noh more pickney and shi dey pan mi sey mi nuffi do it cause shi steralize. Si it yah.. Mi goh lissen to har an now mi 2 mont pregnant!
Jesus Dread: Two dam degge degge mont?! An yuh gut so big iyah?!! Blood Beak yuh look like yuh a breed fram 19-40 eleven. Well dacta sey mi bout 10 months an counting .. But it feel like mi a breed fi a whole blastid yr. Mi spine ina mi back twis up .. Mi ankle dem big an tough like tree tump.. mi nose get so big dat mi can smell mi big toe fram upyah soh. Kiss mi neck!
RichD: Bredrin yuh soun mash up bad. Den a How yuh ketch a 10 month and mi wife tell mi sey afta 9 month mi ago goh in a labor an drap? A wah yuh gat in dat deh gut a festa so long? Mine enoh .
Jesus Dread: A lie!! – a 9 month mi shoulda drap disyah belly yah? Den ..den.. den.. A wah dis pan mi dowe faada Gad. A wanda if dat family ram goat Adassa Phillips obeah mi sah. Jesas Chrismus – what is dis pan mi!
Bandido: Tap fret up yuhself an mine yuh wata buss pan di people dem good setee yaah man.. A muss triplet yuh have mek yuh ina ten month.. A tink mi wife tell mi sey di more pickney yuh a have a di langa it goh.
Milo Man: Tap chat fart.. A how unu soh fool soh fi pregnant smaddy..Dem obeah di man..eida data ar im a grow wan helleva space monkey in deh an im noh know. Yuh betta ask di Dacta fi cut out whateva a grow in deh.. A goodly all wan dem alien siting in yuh belly. Mi si dat nuff pan di duppy chanel pan TV
Jesus Dread: Watch yuh speech enoh Boss. Si like how mi harmones a race up yah now.. noh mek mi havi back han yuh face enoh ..I an I noh deal wid satan business an dem corruptianism deh. I man is a Jesus Dread and I fear no devil and no demon.
He feels something moist running down his pants..
Jesus Dread: KISS MI TROUSIS FOOT.. MI WATA BRUCK!! ..MI WATA BRUCK….CALL DI FIYA BRIGADE.. CALL MI MAADDA.. CALL DI NURSE WOOOOOIII ..MI AGO SHYT UP MISELF….MUUUURDAH!!
Bandido: ** BAX**. Calm yuhself dung noh Rasta! (**Holding him down**) Oyeee Smaddy run go call di Docta mek mi come tek care a dis crassis. Di whole a im pants wet up an im a tek im dam finga nail a scratch up mi face! Unu MIKASE!!
Jesus Dread: OOOOYYEEE LAWD OYEEEE. I am coming home to you Jesas ..I am coming home.. (singing) Rack of ages pray far meeeeee…
RichD: Fram I barn I neva si a man a galang soh ova lickle prignancy.
B_P: Lawd mi ketch mi fraid now.. a wanda if a so mi ago pee-pee up myself when mi ready fi drap. Nex time mi a mek sure tan a mi yaad cause mi caaan goh out like a punk like dat. **tremble**
Doctor Dudd: (Running in the waiting room) Nurse we must get this patient in the operating room now ..Hurry .. He is having a Biological Mass confusion and external Biodegradable Hallucination.
B_P: A wah dem deh sinting deh di Dacta a talk bout bredrin?! Dat soun like ima goh dead!
Rich D: Trus mi …Dat dam Dacta noh know weh di hell im a chat sey.. If im can tell di dread sey ima 10 month pregnant an im call im self dacta den yuh know sey im a dam ediat.
Bandido: Soh nutten noh go so? Oohhh so im naah goh triplet den?
Neutral: Well if im naah have Triplet den a muss Piglet ima go have cause dat deh belly ova marinate
Coming from the Emergency Room..
Jesus Dread: IIIIYEEEEEEE!! WOOOOOIEE….IIIIIYYYEEEE.. MI MUMMA JESAS!! TEK IE OUT …TEK IE OUT!
Milo Man: It soun like im ina labor to fawt. Mek wi go look an si what a gwaan troo di window.
B_P: Mi naah come .. Unu gwaan ..mi fraid fi an mi mite vamit up myself
Rich D: Wan minute .. gi mi lickle time fi lif myself affa dah chair yah. Rahtid…. Smaddy hole mi han an help mi up..mi hafi si dis wid mi own yeye.. Di dread a gi birt to him fus forty leg.
And so they looked on and witnessed the birth of the child. The child was a healthy baby girl.
Jesus Dread: (Holding the baby) Praise Selasihi. Mek a look pan yuh good… Oh Lawd Yuh head nappy sah.. look how yuh foot dem tuntid.. an yuh nat even gat noh neck… Ketch how yuh lip set like yuh a go lie an presumptuous like yuh mumma. In dat case mi havi go name yuh championgal
