Advice & Help

Four Things That Love Is “Not”

Four Things That Love Is Not

As we enter the VALENTINE season, the LOVE season, the season when the best foot is put forward to show affection to our loved ones, we must be careful not to make it a seasonal thing.  Sadly, many fall into this mindset and although a great gesture to show love on Valentine’s day, it should not stop after February 14th.  It leads to a great question that we should all ask ourselves as spouses, “what is REAL LOVE and how can we be a true and consistent Valentine?”

Valentine’s Day, or St Valentine’s Day, is celebrated every year on 14 February.  It’s the day when people show their affection for another person or people by sending cards, flowers or chocolates with messages of love.  But who was St Valentine?  The day gets its name from a famous saint, but there are several stories of who he was.  The popular belief about St Valentine is that he was a priest from Rome in the third century AD. 

Emperor Claudius II had banned marriage because he thought married men were bad soldiers.  Valentine felt this was unfair, so he broke the rules and arranged marriages in secret.  When Claudius found out, Valentine was thrown in jail and sentenced to death.  There, he fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and when he was taken to be killed on 14 February he sent her a love letter signed “from your Valentine”.

The natural tendency for many couples is to write that love letter, or buy chocolate, or give roses on Valentine’s day not knowing the true story of how celebration of this day came about.  It was a sacrificial move made by Mr. Valentine that he chose to do despite the consequence of being thrown in Jail and later brought to be killed.  True love is sacrificial!  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16.  God sacrificed his only son to save us spouses too.  He did it because He loves us so much.  God is your Valentine and sets the tone for us as spouses to be true Valentines not just on February 14th but every day of our married lives.  The problem that’s lacking in many marriages today stems from lack of understanding of what love is “NOT.”  Here are four things that true love is “NOT.”


Marriage is a journey for life and along the way there will be seasons of trials and tests of your patience and character.  It is in those times that true love is put to the test.  When things are great, love is easy to show but when the fire gets hot in the kitchen true love must be extinguished to put out that ugly fire and bring peace and calm.  True love never ends.  True love stands the test of time.  True love never fails.  True love continues even when it does not feel like going on.  TRUE LOVE IS PATIENT…..  1 Corinthians 13:4.


In my country of birth, Jamaica, there is a saying, “mouth can say anything.”  This is really a true statement.  While every spouse has the freedom to speak the word love, not every spouse exercise the greatness of showing love.  Saying “I love you” without showing “I love you” is like a thief saying “don’t worry, I am not going to rob you.”  Love is not only VERBal, it is action.  As a matter of fact a verb is an action word.  Love is a word put into action or it is not love.  Your enemy can say “I love you” then turn around and plot evil against you.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth…….1 Corinthians 13:6. 


A popular phrase no spouse wants to be labeled as is being “two faced.”  A two faced spouse is a dangerous part of the marriage covenant.  Not only does that spouse cause problems in the marriage, but causes a bigger problem for his or herself.  That problem is a breaking of a Holy covenant with God and the other spouse.  Marriage is a Holy Matrimonial covenant made to your spouse but more importantly made to the One who created marriage, God.  A two faced spouse speaks from two sides of the mouth or acts from two sides of the heart, either the side that is led by God or the side that is led by the devil.  A contradiction in being led by both will surely cause a train-wreck in the marriage.  True love is consistent in being kind….1 Corinthians 13:4.


My favorite basketball player from the recent years has sadly passed away in an untimely death with his side-kick of a daughter and sadly leaving behind a wife with kids.  I was shocked to hear the news and continue to pray for the family.  One of the things I remember about Kobe Bryant was his tenacity for the game of basketball.  He was tenacious….(the quality or fact of being very determined; determination.)  Kobe never quits.  As a matter of fact his heart for basketball led him to being a leader, high scorer and the BLACK MAMBA of basketball.  His passion for basketball showed greatly.  He never quits.  True love for marriage leads to a spouse who never quits.  A heart for marriage that pleases God shows in a spouse who never quits despite the hard work it takes along the journey of marriage.  The truth is, such a spouse will live to see the beauty of the work put in as the marriage grows from good to great.  A quitting spouse never gets the chance to see such a beauty, never sees the promise God made or the plan God has to possibly use him/her or both to encourage another couple or become a marriage counselor or whatever area of greatness God would have used them in for His kingdom.  My wife and I are now married couples life group leaders, radio host of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE on a major radio station, authors of published books on marriage and family and here I am being used to write these articles to encourage couples along the marriage journey.  It is such a great feeling to be used by God but we surely would not be here had we quit when the hard times came.  Hard time will come but they will not last if we stay the course.  The fact is true love always hopes, always perseveres.  True love never gives up and never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:7-8.

As we approach this Valentine’s day, let us take a look at our marriages and ask ourselves this rewarding question, “AM I REALLY SHOWING TRUE LOVE TO MY SPOUSE?” Then ask a second question, “WHAT CAN I DO DIFFERENTLY AND INTENTIONALLY TO NOT ONLY SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ BUT SHOW ‘I LOVE YOU?’

About The Author
Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies.  He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God.  Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image.  Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.

Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle,  are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando.   He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh.  Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE.  His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.  Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him.  Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family.  He has been on various radio and TV stations in different parts of the country speaking and interviewing on the topic of marriage and family.  He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart.  His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.

Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates.


Radio Hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE AIRS ON Omega Radio Broadcasting Network every Saturday at 3:30pm ET….101.9FM, 102.3FM or 103.9FM covering as far South as Miami Dade county and as far North as New York.  Listen from ANYWHERE by free mobile app….W.O.I.B.  as my wife and I talk MARRIAGE.

Four Things That Love Is Not

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

About the author

Carim Hyatt