Culture Memoirs of An Illegal Alien

Is it break-up to make-up? : Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 45


Two months had passed since my near proposal. I will never forget that night. Rosa was visibility upset when we left the restaurant. Our relationship changed after that. She was not around as often as she used to be. Her demeanor towards me changed. When she did come around she hung out most of the time with Sue or spoke to my mother on the phone. I needed some time for things to “blow off” before I tried again. Things were about to get worse.

One night while we were watching MTV at the apartment Rosa started to ask questions.

“Where is this relationship going?” she asked.

I was a bit surprised. She was never this bold.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We have been talking about taking the next step in the relationship but I am not sure you are serious. Do you see a future for us?” she asked.

I knew exactly what she meant.

“I do see a future for us” I replied. I was getting very uncomfortable with the questions. I started to hug and squeeze her tight. I wanted to reassure her that I wanted a future.

She pulled away.

“That is not going to work” she declared “we can’t just hug and make love and everything is fine”

I was shocked.

“What do you mean” I asked.

“Do you really love me” she asked.

“You know I do Mama” I was trying to soften things by being playful. It did not work.

She got up and started walking to the door.

“I know you do but I need some time” she responded “We have been so intense from the beginning of the relationship. I think we both need a breather.”

I wished I had the ring with me. I would propose right there.  I did not like the direction this was taking as I watched her walk out the door.

Why is it that songs seem to mark these moments of my life? Just as she walked out MTV was playing he acoustic version of Jodeci’s “Stay”.

let’s start our love again
we can be more than just friends
don’t you know
the sun
is going down
so baby won’t you just stay
baby won’t you just stay
for a little while

baby won’t you just stay
baby won’t you just stay
for a little while
baby won’t you just stay
for a little while
baby won’t you just stay

Sue came home a few minutes later. She stared me down and then went to her room.

Something was going on. She must have seen Rosa in the parking lot and they talked.

I walked over to her room

Why are you looking at me like that?

“You are an idiot that is why” she screamed at me. “I told you to propose to her. Now she is really upset”.

That confirmed it.   She saw Rosa downstairs.

Sue was really invested in us getting married. I wondered if she was the one that put up Rosa too have the “talk” with me. She is the one that “boost her up”. I was getting mad as I thought about it.

I walked away. I was broken hearted.

To make matters worse Sue started blasting Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak my heart” from her room.

For the next few days I was a zombie. I kept waiting for the phone to ring. I kept waiting for her to open the apartment door. Each time I opened the apartment door I was anticipating smelling the sweet aroma of her cooking.  My mother kept asking what happened to Rosa. I told her she was busy studying for exams. My mother really missed her.

For 3 weeks there was no communication. I was frantic. I messed up the one chance I had to green card. But I realized that more importantly I loved Rosa. I wanted her back.

I knew what I had to do.

I went to her apartment. I still had a key.

I bought a gift, roses and Chinese food. I lit the candles at her dinning table. I could not propose because it may seem to her that I was doing it to get her back. I put on some of her favorite music very low. I was going to sweep her off her feet with a romantic dinner. We would go see a movie after.

As I lit the final candle on her coffee table I heard the keys going in the door. She was outside. The door started to open the Phil Collins “One more night” started to play.

One more night, one more night
Ive been trying ooh so long to let you know
Let you know how I feel
And if I stumble if I fall, just help me back
o I can make you see

Please give me one more night, give me one more night
One more night cos I cant wait forever
Give me just one more night, oh just one more night
Oh one more night cos I cant wait forever

Ive been sitting here so long
Wasting time, just staring at the phone
And I was wondering should I call you
Then I thought maybe youre not alone

Please give me one more night, give me just one more night
Oh one more night, cos I cant wait forever
Please give me one more night, ooh just one more night
Oh one more night, cos I cant wait forever
Give me one more night, give me just one more night
Ooh one more night, cos I cant wait forever

It was the perfect song about how I felt. I positioned myself at the door with a little teddy bear and a rose in hand. She walked in an acted startled.  Then she tried to seem upset.

“Who let you in here”, she asked.

I did not reply. I was staring at her. Every inch of me wanted to hug and kiss her. I handed her the rose. She withdrew. She was trying her best to seem like she was not happy to see me.

“Love you” I said softly.
Her wall came down. Before I could say anything else we were passionately hugging and kissing.   Then she drew back.

“You brought dinner”

“Yes” it was from her favorite Chinese restaurant. “Sit down and relax”

My plan was to serve her. Treat her like a queen.

We talked during dinner like it was old times. It was fun. Instead of going to the movies we watched an old black and white romance on TV. She slept through part of the movie snuggled in my arms. I am so amazed how beautiful she is.

I spent the night.

Everything was back to normal.

She left the next morning before I awoke. She gets to school early as she is in the early stage of her residency and does rounds at the hospital. She left a note on the bed.

I opened it with anticipation. I was convinced she was going to say how much she missed me. It had to be a love note.

“This has not changed anything. I need time to think. Please don’t come by without calling first. I will call you. Rosa”

I was shocked. I thought everything was back to normal. I went through another agonizing week of watching the phone and anticipating her when I opened the door to the apartment.

She called me 2 weeks later. I tried not to show how happy I was to hear from her even though I was ecstatic.  It meant that she had thought things through. We went to a movie and I spent the night at her house again.

I woke up and there was a note again. Very similar to the note she left before.

Nothing has changed. I will call you. I still need time.

This went on for about 6 weeks. I realized that we were having “break up sex” not a relationship. I had heard other men talk about “break up sex” being the best sex they had next to “make up” sex. Under other circumstances I would love sex without a commitment but I needed a green card.  I need a firm commitment so I could get on with my life.

In our relationship I had all the control. She did anything I asked. I think me not asking changed. She knew what is at stake for me.

There is nothing I could do but go for the ride. Rosa was now in control and I think she loves it.

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