You studied long and hard. You attended College/University and obtained your Bachelor’s, and Master’s Degrees or even your Doctorate. You landed a good job; you may even own a house and a nice car. You have accomplished all that you set out to. You have made it!
You are over 30. You’re still single and lonely!
Some people think that loneliness is something trifling that passes in hours or days. It is a feeling that a lot of us have experienced at some point in time. It’s a deep searing ache down inside, which makes a person sad.
I have personally experienced loneliness that lasted for years. I felt isolated and deprived of love. I thought that something was wrong with me! Nothing was wrong with me physically, but with my way of thinking.
Before I continue, let me state that the point of this article is not to stereotype all single women over the age of 30, or to put anyone into a box. Some persons are single because they choose to be, and simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single because maybe they have just got out of a failed relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. However, for professional women over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “Why am I still single?” here are some possible reasons why you might be.
Since I’ve become a Relationship Consultant, numerous persons – especially professional women – in their 30s, 40s and even 50s have expressed how hard it is for them to attract and or keep suitable partners. These persons are all professionals who thought with all their accomplishments it would be easy to attract and keep mates.
Why is it so hard – especially for professional women – to find suitable men?
This quiz was given to a group of professional men.
QUESTION: Who are you more likely to go for?
- a) A woman who’s smart, independent and “together.”
- b) A woman who doesn’t seem to have that much going for her, but seems to “need” a man and a relationship.
ANSWER: The answer may surprise you. Most men chose (b)! Why? Why don’t they see what an amazing catch you and the women who have their act together are?
I questioned a few professional men and this is what they said:
- Men want to feel needed and wanted.
If you’re a successful woman, there’s something you need to know. Your career accomplishments aren’t all that a man is looking for. A guy doesn’t fall in love with your degree, a six-figure income, and an impressive job title. He wants and falls in love with a woman. Don’t get me wrong, nothing is wrong with being independent. That’s ok, but you should not let the man feel as if you don’t need him.
- Some women like to ‘wave’ their power in the man’s face
Some men are intimidated by power. Your success and power can be intimidating for some men, who may think that they’re not your equal. Some women “wave” this power especially when there is a conflict. This sometimes make the men feel emasculated, or less than a man. This is the worst thing that any woman can do a man.
- Some women want men who are high achieving as they are
Some women are finding two options when it comes to romance – marry down or don’t marry, as it’s sometimes hard to find men on their level. They want someone as ambitious, engaged, and high-achieving as they are. They maybe need to rethink that and instead seek a partner who is supportive, rather than competitive. Please, I’m not saying that you should settle or lower your values or standard! They’re some values that should always hold true.
Please note, I said “some men and some women”, so please don’t think I’m generalizing.
Now, I hope you’re starting to understand that a man doesn’t choose to be with you because of your resume. He chooses to be with you because of your personality, and how you make him FEEL. Don’t let your career accomplishments overwhelm you and prevent you from meeting a respectable and loving man.
About the Author
Olive Patricia Ellis is a Relationship Coach and Matchmaker with training in Counselling Psychology. She is the Founder of Forty & Beyond Matchmaking Club in Toronto Canada, which offers international services. She has successfully helped many persons to find their soulmates, and has also provided relationship guidance to singles and couples whose relationships have lost “that loving feeling”.
Contact: [email protected].
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