I always go back to the beginning of time whenever I counsel men on leadership in marriage. There is a big confusion in the roles that husband and wife play in the marriage relationship. Even worse there is quite a bit of role reversal causing a lot of marriages to end in divorce. Husbands are confusing leadership with rulership and there is a BIG difference. Wives are confusing submission with being a doormat. Even worse, in speaking with couples, some husbands really treat their wives like doormats.
Wives end up rebelling against the leadership of their husbands from fear of being treated like slaves, while husbands refuse to lead anymore because of rebellion from wives. In one of my recent discussion with a married couple, I got a clear picture of this very crazy cycle in their marriage and I knew it was the root cause of the problem in the marriage. The wife refused to allow her husband to take the lead and the husband complained that the wife refuses to allow him to take the lead. They were at odds end and were on the brink of unnecessary divorce. I asked them one question which had them thinking real hard and it was that question that saved their marriage. “Do you both know the problem with the first marriage that ever happened?” I asked. They knew the issues with that marriage but did not clearly understand the problem so I spent the time explaining.
God created Adam and said it was not good for him to be alone so God created Eve from the rib of Adam to give him a suitable helper and companion. The husband and wife both looked at me as if to ask where I was going with the explanation. I cut right to the chase. “God commanded Adam and Eve not to eat from a certain tree in the Garden and because of these three choices their marriage suffered greatly and so are many marriages even today.” This truth opened up their eyes to realizing they were having an Adam and Eve experience in their own marriage. You can have a great marriage when you avoid these three marriage mistakes….
Disobedience to the One Who Created Marriage
God created marriage with rules. Just as Adam and Eve did not follow the rule God gave them and experienced unnecessary pain in their relationship, you will continue to have that same experience of problems in your marriage if you fail to obey the rules of marriage given to you by God. Try your utmost best to follow God’s direction for marriage and you will have a great marriage filled with love, joy, peace and harmony. The closer your relationship with God, the closer your relationship with your spouse. This closeness is found only in obeying God in your marriage relationship.
Lack of Submission
When a wife submits to her husband she is not bowing down to him. She is actually bowing down to God himself in the sense of obeying God by allowing her husband to lead her spiritually. Eve took the lead and mistakenly gave into disobeying God and caused disaster in that first marriage relationship. This was the same issue with the wife I mentioned above. Wives actually benefit much more from allowing their husbands to take the lead because God created the husband to take the lead. There is no need to fear being submissive because God will not allow an obedient wife to be taken advantage of constantly by a husband who is not leading but ruling.
Lack of Leadership
When a husband operates out of an Adam mentality he is held accountable in the marriage greatly. When Eve took the fruit she ate it out of disobedience to God and gave it to Adam to eat also. As a leader, Adam should have stopped it but instead he ate it also. In speaking with men today I realize that there is such a lack of leadership. A lot of men are missing from their leadership position in the homes and are causing the wives to be forced into leadership roles. Marriage relationships will never be lived out the way God intended when husbands choose to give up on their God given role of leadership in the home. Men need to realize that leaders will always be challenged and rebelled against at times but it is not a reason to give up that position of spiritual leadership. Husbands must remember who is leading them when they allow Him to so that they can effectively lead their families.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
My prayer continues to be for husbands and wives to align with God’s design for a real great marriage. Such a marriage will only be driven by obeying that design of spiritual leadership from husbands and Godly submission by wives. When both husband and wife follow this path they experience the highest level of a great marriage relationship. Huddle up and enjoy your journey together as you come in alignment with God’s perfect design for your marriages.
About The Author
Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies. He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God. Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image. Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.
Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a radio talk show reaching all over the world. He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh. His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking. Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has led him. Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family. He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart. His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image
Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families.
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