The Marriage Seesaw

As a kid growing up I can remember my friends getting water guns and fire engines for Christmas, while my brother and I would have to become creative by making our own toys. This was much more fun for us as it would bring a great sense of accomplishment while showing off our hand-made toy trucks, board guns or gigs.

My most memorable toy however, was the good old SEESAW my grandfather had made that sat in our yard. I call it a toy because I enjoyed riding it with my brother while it would squeeze juice from the sugarcane my grandfather had on his little farm. I never missed a day sitting on that seesaw and bouncing up and down, watching my brother on the other end laughing and having the most fun. There have been times when either one of us would fall off because the other would jump off their end of the seesaw while the other person’s end was upward.

The definition of a seesaw…..a long plank balanced in the middle on a fixed support, on each end of which children sit and swing up and down by pushing the ground alternately with their feet.

Sometimes in marriage relationships we start out with good intentions and one spouse selfishly jumps off their end of the marriage vow, causing the seesaw to flip and the other spouse ends up in despair and sadness. The creator of marriage explains clearly that marriage cannot work without both spouses balancing the marriage with LOVE and RESPECT.

Ephesians 5:33 : “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Great marriages happen when both husband and wife obey this command from God because God is the creator of marriage. Love and respect work hand-in-hand and when one or both are missing from the marriage relationship, it creates dangerous SEESAW effects damaging to not only the marriage itself but to both husband and wife. Here are three great dangers stemming from a SEESAW marriage relationship:

No real marriage starts out with a husband or wife having the intention of not showing love or not showing respect. Both husband and wife are typically balancing the seesaw in the early stages of marriage by keeping the vow to LOVE and RESPECT each other. Then things become real. The fairy tale season passes when love and respect was automatic and then life happens. The crazy cycle starts when the husband acts unlovingly toward his wife because he feels his wife is not showing respect. Or, the wife starts being disrespectful because she feels the husband is not showing her love. This is called “the crazy cycle.” This cycle must be broken quickly to avoid the seesaw getting tipped from one spouse or both completely deciding to jump off the role of husband or wife. The reality is that real love has to be shown even when respect is not being felt, and real respect has to be shown when love is not being felt. If both husband and wife decide to reverse the cycle, the marriage relationship will eventually get back to that balancing period.

Sweet and bitter are completely dangerous opposites. The two just do not mix. A spouse with a heart of sweetness is like fresh honey from the honeycomb without the threat of the bees that so often swarm the honeycomb. A bitter heart is like poison just waiting to take ones life. It is dangerous when a spouse’s heart turns from sweet to bitter because of any unnecessary circumstance. Whatever you do as a husband or wife, remember that your spouse is primary over all else except your relationship with God. Resentment will build when a spouse feels they are secondary. The idea is to do all in your power to not let your spouse’s heart change from sweet to bitter. No job, friend, gadget, or even ministry should take the place of your relationship with your spouse. I great way to avoid this is, “do unto others as you would want them to do to you.”

The number one killer of many marriage relationships is money issues. Selfishness follows at a close range. A selfish spouse is not a real spouse. Marriage and self are not related. The marriage relationship is not for you or about you. It is for your spouse and about your spouse. When both husband and wife aim to please each other the marriage relationship grows in joy. When husband and wife aim to please self the marriage relationship shrinks in chaos and joy disappears. Get rid of the idea of pleasing self in the marriage. Focus on pleasing God first in the marriage. This creates a domino effect of husband and wife end up pleasing each other and not self. Remember, loves gives!

God loves you so much that He GAVE His only son for you. My desire and prayer is that all married couples reading this article will keep the balance and fire going in the marriage. Keep adding water to your marriage garden. Marriages are beautiful flowers that flourish and grow when well watered, but die when neglected. You can do it! God is right with you to give you all you need to have a great marriage.

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About The Author
Carim Hyatt

Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies.  He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God.  Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image.  Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.

Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle,  are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando.   He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh.  Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE.  His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.  Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him.  Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family.  He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart.  His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.

Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates. Read all marriage articles on

Visit our new website:

Listen to our weekly podcasts:

Listen to our radio broadcasts: free mobile app…WOIB or YOUTUBE: Marriage In A Minute

The Marriage Seesaw Pin

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