Three Ways To Love An Unloving Spouse

“Real Love loves even when Real Love doesn’t feel like loving!”  In one of our many at-home date nights, my wife and I watched a movie called LOVE GUARANTEED.”  This is a really great Netflix movie about an ex-football player who sought love through an on-line company called “LOVE GUARANTEED.”

This movie spoke a message that confirms a great fact, love is never guaranteed I pondered that fact and came to a quick realization that the only love that is guaranteed is TRUE love.  Love never fails….1 Corinthians 13:8.  The love of this world will fail but true love never fails…..

A spouse who shows real love decides to exercise patience in the marriage relationship, especially when things are not going well.  Real love decides to be kind even when not receiving kindness.  Real love overcomes and never gives up knowing that real love always wins over temporary unloving situations.

Every marriage faces a season of drought where one spouse may be unloving toward the other.  This is the time when the other spouse must make the hard but rewarding decision to show love to that unloving spouse.  Rewards never come easy but they come to those who persevere and never give up.

Here are three powerful ways to love an unloving spouse and experience a win win in the marriage relationship.


A part of the lyrics to a song I used to hear as a boy is “I wanna know what love is…I want you to show me!”  To show real love one must know what real love is.  Real love is challenging yet rewarding when accompanied by perseverance.  Real love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, does not dishonor others, not proud, not self seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of being wronged, never fails!

Real love takes the high road….real love loves even when real love doesn’t feel like loving.  The normal tendency is to not show real love to an unloving spouse but the reverse is what an unloving spouse really needs to help them through their season of being unloving.  This may seem unfair but once you realize the powerful effect of being kind to an unkind spouse, or exercising patience with an impatient spouse, you recognize the reality of what love really is and it will help to pull your spouse back to that loving place they once were.


Knowing your spouse intimately not only allows for great quality time, but also opens the door for you to see when the train is off the track in the marriage.  You know your spouse enough to be able to tell accurately that there is something blocking the love-flow.  Do not ignore this fact.  Get your spouse to open up as to what is causing that unloving attitude.  Many times a spouse is struggling with issues and refuse to talk about them because of either pride or not wanting to burden the other spouse, and choose to hold it in.  But it shows in the behavior toward the other spouse.  Finding out what’s a bother is a part of showing love….concern shown is greater than concern ignored!  


One of the most powerful realities is found in John 3:16, “For God so love the world (you and I) that he GAVE His only Son, so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.”  This is a perfect example of how to love your spouse.  Marriage is about giving yourself to your spouse.  But a big misconception about marriage has caused many marriages to fail….many couples join in Holy Matrimony with an expectation of getting from their spouse instead of giving to their spouse.  Getting is good but giving is greater….giving in marriage will lead to getting.

An unloving spouse has a hard time giving because love gives.  An unloving spouse has to come to the place of healing so they can start giving.  Healthy marriages are those with both spouses giving to each other of self.  Unhealthy marriages are those where both spouses aim to always get while refusing to give.  However, there are times when one spouse may refuse to give as a result of a breakdown in the marriage for whatever reason but this is not an open door for the other spouse to follow suite….this only leads to a total breakdown in the marriage.

Unconditional love means showing love without expectation or condition.  Unconditional love is the key to restoring a broken and unloving spouse.  Unconditional love is the love that God shows us. It is the love that keeps the spark going in the marriage even when one spouse’s fire has gone out.  It show that unloving spouse that you still care and want the marriage to change for better.  Unconditional love is like lighter fluid thrown on fire that is going out… ignites a fire into the marriage.  Unconditional love brings back life to a marriage going dead.  Unconditional love is real love that never ever fails.  It is real love that loves even when it does not feel like loving!

About The Author

Carim Hyatt

Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies.  He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God.  Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image.  Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.

Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife of twenty years, Michelle,  are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a brand new radio talk show reaching as far south as Miami and as far north as Orlando.   He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh.  Carim is now on his third book, PURITY IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE.  His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.  Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has lead him.  Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family.  He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart.  His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image.

Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families. Visit his website for updates. Read all marriage articles on

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