Ever wonder why Jamaican Children do not participate in Trick or Treat during Halloween in Jamaica? Maybe this sketch will explain it.
Benny: (Knocking on the door) Good eveling… anybady deh here?
Ms Clarice: Is who dat a knack pan di door dem hours a clack when mi a look fi turn in to bed? (Hurrying to the door) COMING!! HOLE AAN… Lawd mi cyaan even fine mi glasses. Is who dat a di door?!
Benny: A me Benny, Miss Clarice. Me, Tony, Tamas, an Peta a Trick-a-Treat mam.
Ms Clarice: (Opens the door) Weh yuh seh lickle bway? Talk again, granny neva hear yuh good.
Benny: Wi deh here Trick-a-Treating mam. Yuh gat any sweetie can put inna wi crocus bag?
Ms Clarice: Pickney yuh eva look inna di mirror an notice seh yuh noh gat any good teet? A full time yuh tap nyam di whole heapa sweetie dem! Yuh noh si seh a only wan more teet yuh have lef fi drap outta yuh head?!
Benny: No mam! Mi teet naah goh drop out Miss Clarice. Di odda day mi bite wan cane wid mi wan teet an neva eben shake mam. Do mi a beg yuh some sweetie.
Ms Clarice: A-rite, ole an a minute…(Patting her chest) Mi suppose to have some icy-mint store up inna mi bosom yah.
Benny: Miss Clarice, icy-mint noh sweet mam! Mi waan something sweeta dan dat. Mi noh want noh icy mint!
Ms Clarice: Bway pickney! Yuh eva get a good smell affa yuh breat yet? Is why yuh tink is icy-mint mi a look fi gi yuh? (Empting her bosom)) Tek dem …si dem yah an share dem up wid di ress a yuh nassy nose fren dem. Shoo! Unu fine unu yaad now!
The four boys not satisfied with their first loot walk over to another house.
Benny: (Calling out) Nurse Philips! Tricka Treat! Tricka Treat!
Nurse Philips: (Peeps through the window ) Benny! What on eart yuh doing trick-a-treating for candy when yuh know yuh sickly?!
Benny: Nurse is Halloween an mi an mi fren dem jus a beg sweetie fi di haliday mam. Mi feel fine tideh Nurse.
Nurse Philips: Benny, I am not going to give yuh any candy when yuh madda jus tek yuh to di clinic yessiday fi get worm medicine! Yuh know seh too much blastid sweet-sweet a gi yuh dem whole heapa worm inna yuh belly? Chile, goh home before I call yuh madda fi get yuh off di street! Bout yuh a tricka treat.
Benny: Arite Nurse Philips, mi going home now. Tanks fi di worm medicine yestiday yuh hear mam. (Cut yeye)
Still with no sweet candy in their bags, the four boys walk to a third house.
Benny: Maas Sunny ooyee! HOLE DAWG!! Tricka Treat! Maas Sunny, a mi Benny fram rouna lane a beg some sweetie sar!
Maas Sunny: (Puts on his glasses)) Benny? Benny bway a yuh grow soh big an ugly?! Merciful Jesas! Benny a time yuh fi tap nyam sweetie yuh noh. Look pan di big ole gut in front a yuh fi a lickle bway! Fayva like yuh ago deliva a rahtid cow any day now.
Benny: A noh sweetie mek mi belly soh big Maas Sunny. A troo mi madda cook plenty salt powk an gi mi a eveling time. Beg yuh some sweetie noh.
Mass Sunny: Aah bway. Unu lickle pickney can beg sah. Ahrite.. mi have some Juju sweetie inna di dressa draw. Ole an yah soh mek a goh get dem fi yuh an yuh craven fren dem.
Benny: Tank yuh sah! (Jumping for joy) Yeaaaah!! Wi ago get some sweetie!! Yeaaah!!! Sweetie! Sweetie! Sweetie!
Maas Sunny: (Returns with a handful of sweets) Si dem yah… noh mine di whole heaps biting ants weh a crawl ova dem. A troo dem inna di draw fi ova two year now. Mass Sunny a get ole an mi false teet caan manige di tough sweetie dem like wan time. Unu can brush aff di ants dem affa it. Dem nyam good sed way. Galang bout unu business mek mi shet mi door.
The four boys still do not have the kinds of sweets they hoped for and walk to a fourth home.
Benny: (Knocks on the door) Bigga Don! Yuh deh bout?A mi Benny an mi fren dem a Trick-a-treat! Yuh have any sweetie yuh can gi wi?
Bigga Don: Lickle yute, yuh really an truly a walk an a beg Sweetie inna di night yah? But a weh di ….??
Benny: Jus cool noh Bigga! Wi jus get some juju sweetie from Maas Sunny yaad an wi waan couple more fi full up wi crocus bag.
Bigga Don: Weh yuh jus seh?? Yuh have Juju inna di bag? Paas di bag gimmi!
Benny: A noh much in dere enoh Bigga. Weh yuh want mi bag fah?
Bigga Don: (Grabs the bag away) Lickle bway gimmi dis before a drop kick yuh right yah soh. (Taking out the sweets). Niiiiceness! Jus weh mi waan! My yute mi jus done smoke a spliff an mi ago hole an pan dem sweetie yah, zeen?
Benny: (starts to cry) Waaaaiii….mi waan back mi sweetie dem … waaaiii… mi ago tell mi madda seh yuh tek weh mi sweetie dem. Waaiiiiii
Bigga Don: Hush up yuh mout and move fram mi yaad gate wid di bag a cow bawling before mi mi gi yuh sinting fi bawl fah! Next time doan come a mi yaad an beg noh sweetie. RUN WEH!
Benny: (sob, sob) Move and gwey! Yuh dutty , stinking teef yuh !
From that day forward, no child in Jamaica as ever tried to Trick or Treat ever again.
© Joelle “Wendy” Cohen Wright
10/30/01
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